My wife wants to go on vacation with a friend of hers... am I wrong for being upset?

[Anonymous]

My wife wants to go on vacation with a friend of hers... am I wrong for being upset? So my wife wants to go on a getaway to Europe with her best male friend. They've been friends for years (longer than I've known my wife). They call each other "best friends forever" and "big sis" and "little bro." He treats me with contempt and is always trying to minimize me in her eyes. He is ALWAYS around, and it seems my wife and I can't do anything without her wanting to invite this guy along. I've tried my hardest to respect her other relationships with people and not be a controlling jerk. But this guy bothers me. The thing that strikes me the most is that this guy has become more and more of a presence in my wife's life the closer we've gotten. It's almost as if he's competing with me for her affections and has stepped up his efforts to remain the #1 guy in her life as my wife and I have grown closer. Every time my wife does something, or goes on a trip with her girlfriends, he comes along. Both him and my wife are insistent that there is no romantic relationship at all. The thing that makes me so angry is that I have told my wife I would love to take a trip with her and she dismisses it as something she's not interested in. Now she's already booked her plane tickets to go to London with this guy in January. I'm at a loss and very angry. I just don't understand this, and part of me just wants to tell her to just divorce me and marry him. I love my wife so much, but it seems like she's more interested in spending time with her "best friend forever" than around me. What do I do? Should I leave her? It should be noted that I have tried to talk to her about this. She just shuts me down and tells me I'm being ridiculous, that this is "their thing" and I should just get over it. I've also confronted the "best friend" and he says that he's known her longer than me and that I should just BACK OFF, that I don't understand what they have and how special it is. Am I wrong for being angry and feeling like my feelings are being trampled on?

[heavensgift2girls]

Even if her friend were female I would suspect her of wanting to cheat. That is what a lot of women do so they won't get caught. They take separate vacations and screw just about everyone in the city they visit. The fact she is going with a guy is even worse.

There are different types of friendships, and while guys and girls can be friends, they should not be the type of friends were they go on romantic dates together when they are in a relationship with someone else. At best this is what is known as emotionally cheating. Even the women on here are all telling you that you have a right to be upset. That is because they know what your wife is really up to.

The reason he treats you with contempt is clearly because he wants her for himself. This is the typical friend zoned guy that has been working the friend angle to get into her pants for a long time.

Even is she wasn't planning on cheating on you, the fact she is not interested in going on vacation with you should serve as a huge red flag. I am sorry, but no matter how I look at this, I don't think your marriage can be saved. At best she is emotionally cheating on you, while dismissing your feelings about how she is hurting you. At worst she has been having an affair for a while now, and this is a way for her to openly be with him without any risk of getting caught.

I am sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but she had the option to go on vacation with you or him, and she choose him. Let me say that again "she choose him". He is clearly more important to her than you are. I think you need to contact a divorce lawyer as soon as possible, and find out what you need to do, in order for you not to get screwed in a divorce. At least have the satisfaction of being the one to end the relationship with her and go draw up the divorce papers.

[hellionthesage]

Honestly, Set your foot down. Tell her that this is not right, that you are her husband and she spends more time with this guy then you, that you wanted to take a vacation with her and she refused yet jumped at the chance to do so with another man, that she shuts you down everytime you try to bring it up and that this is the last straw if she does not care enough about you to try and just communicate with you try and understand why you would be bothered by this (which it should be painfully obvious) then your relationship is over. Frankly I would want to hire a private detective just to see if she isn't doing anything more (not saying she is but this is really weird and suspicious behavior). But yeah if she is choosing this guy over you her husband every single time then your relationship is doomed, she obviously doesn't think your a priority and she never will so long as this guy is around. If she can't see that then she doesn't care about you, not enough anyway. If you go the route of divorce, get an lawyer, find out what you have to do to insure that she doesn't screw you in this that you are as well off as possible, talk to the lawyer before you talk to her about divorce. Like I said if you can maybe even get a private detective or spy cams or something to see if she is cheating on you or not (I hope not but her behavioris incredibly suspicious). I'm sorry you have to be put through this.

[Asker]

I already am thanks friend

[hellionthesage]

Not a problem, like I said get all the data you can and consult a lawyer before anything so you can review all your options. Again, I'm sorry you have to be put through this, good luck.

[hellionthesage]

Thanks for the MHO, hope things work out.

[redeyemindtricks]

She's booked plane tickets for JANUARY? That's NINE MONTHS from now? The fuck? Who even does that?
ahahah srsly

Honestly, I think the only chance you have to save yr marriage here is to stick yr foot right up the ass of these "plans", and to just say NO to them. Hell to the no.

Yr wife may or may not consciously realize this, but, if you just let this happen, then it will absolutely erode any and all authority you might still have left in her mind. You'll go from being "husband" to "random schmo who lives in my house and annoys me sometimes".
By contrast, if you forcefully and definitively put the kibosh on this, right now... you should gain a good measure of respect back, in her mind.

__

In any case, if this really *IS* happening 9 months from now, and that's not some weird typo...
By that point, you should be absolutely well aware of whether this marriage is salvageable or not.
If it's not, then, you should start talking to divorce attorneys, and you should plan to move yr shit out of that house DURING the period of the trip, and have her served with the papers immediately when she returns home. Basically, take advantage of that "vacation" to strategize the divorce to yr advantage.

[Anonymous]

It's not normal for her to go with a guy alone on vacation while leaving ger husband behind the one that suggested going on a trip.
I think you should be strict to her and tell her there are limits to what she can do and that you might divorce her if she keeps putting him on first place.
She shouldn't see him every day... even if she knows him
"longer" than you it's not a valid reason.
They may know each other longer but you are her husband and she is YOUR wife !
That's the closest you can ever get with someone.., being married to each other.
So she needs to make up her mind wether she spends time with her husband or her bff

[Asker]

I'm already considering a divorce I can't take this anymore

[Opinion Owner]

yeah it's not fair what is happening at the moment but really you should have a "final" talk with her and if she starts with " oh not this again or blabla" tell her to shut up and that you're this time serious because you can't put up with this crap anymore.
Her husband should be on the first place not some other friend.
And I think women and guys can never be " just friends" by the way.
but eh well good luck !!

[MeghanL]

Given that she's your wife I would consider it inappropriate at best. From what I'm reading, this issue is merely symptomatic of far deeper issues. I don't know whether you've been in counseling, but you should seek it if you haven't already, & if she won't go with you then go solo.

I don't believe you're wrong for being upset. Suppose you had a woman friend who looks like a Victoria's Secret model, you say you're "just friends" but you want to go on a Caribbean vacation with her. How would that go over?

[HookingSwan]

Wow

she is out of her mind

Tbh im not exactly sure that it is all platonic

And the problem isn't even your wife wanting to spend time with him

the thing is that she does not want to spend time alone with you

and to top that, her friend does not seem to respect you at all, which makes me question his intentions. also, your wife seems to be aware of it. And she does not put him in hs place? damn, id be pissed too.

I worry for ur marriage...

[HookingSwan]

why did she even marry you?

Was it always like this? or did something happen recently?

It is fucking weird. I'd never treat someone I loved, the way she is treating you

[Omar5881]

Open your what's app 😂

[Asker]

It's always been like this. I guess she married me because she loved me at one point.

[Asker]

Its always been like this. I guess she married me because she loved me at one point.

[HookingSwan]

yes

but I think ur marriage may be having problems now, if she can't see how messed up her friendship is

[Asker]

Sometimes I wonder if she saw this thread and read everyone's comments how would she respond

[Asker]

Probably just tell her friend about it I imagine. I don't think my marriage is worth it anymore T BH.

[HookingSwan]

can't u communicate with her at all?

when did it get worse?

[Asker]

She's pretty stubborn about this

[Asker]

@Omar5881 huh?

[HookingSwan]

he meant my whatsapp, asker

it was a message for me

sorry about that

[HookingSwan]

I get it

she has a friend and u need to respect their friendship

but she also needs to respect ur marriage. something she is not doing

[HookingSwan]

Thank u for MHO

I hope things will be solved, eventually

[Ginnyweasley97]

My guess is that he is taking the trip as an opportunity to get close with her, in an inappropriate way your wife is totally oblivious or is lying about the state of their relationship. You need to have a conversation about this with her.

[Benk111]

I'd get rid of this guy as soon as possible it sounds like he her to leave you and he obviously doesn't respect you or he would understand why going on this trip is wrong. it's not normal and I wouldn't let my wife (if I had one) go on a trip with another man without me unless they were blood relatives. it does sound like she's cheating and I would present an ultimatum of not spending time alone with him or not spending time with him at all if your marriage is to continue. if she doesn't respect your feelings about him than she doesn't respect you. its not uncommon for people to lose friends of the opposite sex when getting married or having none at all. it is completely reasonable for them to spend less time together during your marriage which will end if your situation continues.

[missjayne]

Uhhh i would so be booking a flight and make sure my seats was between theirs. You're her husband. The fact that she is going on a trip with another man by herself who is not her husband is a major red flag. She is being extremely inconsiderate of how this is affecting you. Put your foot down. Either you go too or she doesn't go at all. If she wanted to spend this much time alone with th u s other guy then she should have married him.

[llorando]

You have every reason to be upset, plus you have every reason to suspect she's cheating, seeing she wasn't interested in going on vacation with you but was very interested in going on vacation with her friend and refuses to talk about. I'm suspecting her male friend doesn't respect you or the marriage and has feelings for your wife that go beyond feelings one would have just for a friend, and I'm suspecting your wife has feelings for her friend that are more than just feelings one would have just for a friend. They could of had feelings for each other for a long time but never fully took those feelings too far.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XES6aeiKRjo

[Intraluminal]

Not at all. Unless you have kids, it's time for a divorce pal. Let her go on her vacation, and use the time to set the divorce in motion.

[sluggognatface]

THIS ^

[Goldie757]

Divorce her.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...2bd4f4adad.jpg

[SarahsSummer]

How long have you been married? Was he involved in the wedding?

[Asker]

2.5 years. No he wasn't. But he attended

[SarahsSummer]

The key to a successful relationship is to know what your partners needs are and happily try to fulfil them. If she is disregarding your wishes to have him in your lives less, she's not upholding her part of the relationship. I personally think she's cheating, but even if she's not, it doesn't sound like she's in love with YOU. Sorry but, I think you need to seriously consider a divorce.

[Asker]

You're probably right FML. I guess I better make sure she dosen't see this thread in the meantime.

[SarahsSummer]

Who cares. She's made her bed. Youve expressed your concerns to her, she disregarded, and now you're looking for guidance. Next step is to get guidance from a good attorney.

[Onemoretime00]

Sounds like you have been reasonable with her. It'd she isn't cheating on you already I wouldn't be surprised if it happens.

If I were in your shoes I would tell her, she needs to distance herself from him or its over. Cancel the Trip or Consider the Marriage Canceled.

[Anonymous]

Is your anger justifiable. YES! I would be livid as well. 2 options here:

1. Tell her your feelings once more and let her know it is you or this guy.
2. She is playing games with you... play games with her. Start talking to another female friend (if you have a female friend), start hanging out with her more, going places with her more and see what your wife says.

[JustADude20026]

Jesus man, how can you allow this? Do you hate your marriage? That male bestfriend is an asshole. He wants to slay some poon.

[Asker]

No I do not hate my marriage, but apparently she can't see the damage its causing.

[JustADude20026]

You know, it could be one of those mind games women play when she's testing to see if you would care. Don't allow it.

[Asker]

Yes this would be going way too far.

[ThatGuy98]

That's a difficult subject indeed. I'd be pissed off as well, and if I were you I would probably either give her an ultimatum or start doing the same as her". Maybe start going out/on trips with some female friends just to show her how it feels, maybe she then understands?

[Anonymous]

thats the first step to divorce. ask her if you can go for a vacation with another girl then.. lets see how she gonna feel.

[Notforlong]

Man I am pissed off too.
The dude needs to back off.
Your wife is being too much too.

I would be upset and angry.

[jakeofalltrades]

you are completely justified, I would be pissed too.

[Anonymous]

You're deffo in the right here!!! Lol is she completely there or nah? Who in their right mind would plan a trip with someone of the opposite sex as them when they have a spouse. It's a bit iffy. She has no respect for you. It's actually disgusting.

[MasterofYou]

Why dont you take her on vacation? Who is married to her? You or him? Are you a man or a mouse... Who is in charge of this marriage you or her...

[llorando]

He already suggested it and she dismissed it.

[TonyRyanAgain]

Lol, fuck that shit. I'd make her choose before I made the choice.

[ashley1996]

I would feel the exact same way. I would of left already.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear that you're in that situation. My advice is to try to get away with just your wife for a date night and try to set aside all your assumptions for an hour while you explain to her how much you love her. Don't tell her what you think is going on, tell her the emotions you are having about it. Someone told me once that, "Women feel respected when they are loved and men feel loved when they are respected."

[Trey1981]

Kick his ass talking to you like that. That's your wife! Let him know he is allowed around because you allow it. Friends are fine, but don't eat their shit. And if she has a problem with you being first, then there is more going on, period.

[hardboiledink]

No being upset and having boundaries is fine