Why is it not acceptable for a 32 year old woman to be with a 24 year old man?

When roles are reversed it seems okay.
My friend is 32 dating a younger guy, and when she told her Mom about the relationship she was quickly advised to find a guy her own age.
When I thought about this but flipped the sexes of the individuals (24 year old woman---32 year old man, no one would ever say that or question it).


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Most Helpful Guy

  • IF a relationship is authentic and between mature adults then age is irrelevant. The first is a lifelong process. The second is only roughly definable.
    He 18, She 26: probably he's too young for her
    He 30, She 38: probably AOK.
    He 24, She 32 possibly OK.
    Another factor to consider is the power dynamic. At 18 I would have been happy to defer to a 26 year old wife. Were she a sexual/social submissive she would have been less likely than a s/s dominant to get into a relationship with a guy my age. I matured into a socially dominant/sexually submissive male, which would have been disastrous for the relationship. Of course there are 26 year old submissive women who can fall for 18 year old alpha males; it's complicated but it's still worth thinking about.
    On the flip side, older man w/ younger woman I have to think the dominance/submissive thing is even more important, and that well over half of women have submissive tendencies and that well over half of men have dominance tendencies, thus explaining the more socially correct attitude.

    Having said all that the Woody Allen thing turns my stomach.

    In either case mother's are probably the worst source of advice. Not impartial.

    Cheers!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know hundreds and hundreds of married couples, mb even a thousand.

    In the VAST majority of the best-functioning couples -- where "best-functioning" includes sexuality, logistics, emotional compatibility, finances, and just big life decisions in general -- the husband is 5 to 12 years older than the wife.
    Like, at least 97 percent of the best-functioning couples.

    There's also more than just my anecdotal experience to back this up:
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/7873718/

    (If you see the more recent studies that purport to show that same-age marriages are most stable, a further look shows that those are BS... because they removed the variable of *which spouse is older*! So, in other words, those studies are lumping marriages in which the wife is 7 years YOUNGER in along with marriages in which the wife is 7 years OLDER. Lol... Nice experimental design, guys.)

    In any case, there are 2 easy reasons to explain this.

    1)
    BIOLOGICAL CLOCKS:

    Our fertility starts declining in our mid-20's, and, if we haven't given birth yet, starts to fall off a cliff around age 30. (Giving birth extends the fertility clock, so to speak.)

    In an older woman / younger man relationship, if the woman wants biological children, that man is gna have to get started down that path REALLLLYYY early.
    Like, in this couple you know -- if this 32-year-old woman wants to conceive children naturally, she needs to start trying NOW.

    How many guys in their mid-20's are ready for a do-or-die position regarding children?
    Not many...

    2)
    MALE LEADERSHIP / PROTECTIVE VIBE:

    Let's face it, that ^^ is what JUST ABOUT EVERY woman wants in a husband. It takes different forms from woman to woman... but... yeah.

    Can a man 8 years younger exert credible leadership? Can he be the legitimate head of the household, in the spiritual sense (not necessarily money, which is mostly not relevant here)?
    There are a FEW guys who can step up to that, but, not many. And, on the other side, there are only a FEW women who are ready to accept the headship/leadership -- or even partnership -- of a guy who's much younger than them.

    Those are the big 2 reasons.
    For women who also think a man should be a financial provider... that's another nail in the coffin (how many 24-year-old guys can "provide" better than a 32-year-old wife can?)

    So... yeah. Long odds.

    If they love each other -- and don't much care whether they ultimately have biological children -- then they should go for it.

    Otherwise... Long odds.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Nothing wrong with a good Cougar. Your friend is helping mold the character of a young man.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22679-the-cougar-phenomenon-is-not-new-benjamin-franklin

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    • I don't think she's trying to be a Mother figure they just enjoy each others company. He thought she was a little younger

  • Ah no, the same applies for older men and younger women. They might get a few backslaps from their buddies at nabbing a younger woman but for the large part, society will assume that he either has a lot of money (because having to BUY the affections of a younger woman is the only explanation for them being together, natch) or that he's leading her on and/or taking advantage of her due to age + experience.

    Ultimately, fuck society. If you want to play cougar and be with a younger man, that is no one else's business but yours and his. You cannot please everybody, so stop trying and get the fuck on with your life.

    Besides, my first was at 21 with a woman aged 30. And she about rocked me into marrying her after 3 months of dating. Thankfully, she declined, called me sweet, and said she just wanted some younger dick for a bit. Opened my eyes wide open, lol

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    • Don't know what society you're referring to, but, nope. "Society" won't even bat an eye at an older man/younger woman couple until the age difference is WELL into the double digits.

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    • @Blonde401 ahh well, you look 20+ years apart 😂😂😂😂

      So, in other words... exactly what I said, then. ("... until the age difference is well into the double digits")

      I mean, perhaps I should've said "the APPARENT age difference", but, yeah, I mean, that should be common sense lol

    • @redeyemindtricks that's based on other people's perceptions of the age though, not of our actual ages. But yes I guess you're right.

  • Societal norms.

    To her mother, a guy in his early to mid 20s probably isn't going to be at the maturity level she wants. Possibly not at the acceptable level, career-wise. Whatever the case. She probably figures that neither of them are taking the relationship very seriously and granted, I don't know the rest of your friend's story, but most mothers would expect their daughters to be married with children in their 30s.

    It's also the societal norm for men to pair up with younger women. A longer fertility time line, more youthful looks, the fact that women find aspects such as more experience both sexually and in life more appealing in general in older men, plus the fact that they are probably more financially sound, etc.

    Not saying her logic is justified. Obviously people can be with whomever they want, given legal ages.

    Hell, my aunt is 19 years older than her husband and that marriage is going strong ten years later.

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    • So young people can't be ugly?

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    • Because you associated youth with beauty

    • @ikissedtheskyonce I associated nothing. We are talking society here.

      Also, let's not pretend that there is no correlation between youth and beauty, especially when run through the filter that is society.

      Let's look at a few occupations where beauty plays a large role:

      Actresses, strippers, porn stars, models, etc. All of these professions are highly functional for women in their 20s, but work becomes much more scarce when those women enter their mid to late 30s and it just gets more difficult from there.

      Asking if young people can't be ugly is disingenuous. Obviously young people can be ugly. However, ignoring things such a personal preference (which has nothing to do with societal norms) and the notion of people working on themselves to look better or be healthier later in life, once a person, male or female, enters adulthood, they are going to slowly become less attractive in the eyes of society with each passing day.

  • I don't know, I hate it though. I almost always date older women, and my mom says the same thing to me.

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  • Simple, really. Biology. Women find men who are somewhat older, more experienced, more established, to be attractive. It's like why so many college girls love dating older men.

    A 24 year old man, 32 year old woman. If a man works and focuses, he's going to be hitting his prime about 29, 30. Meaning that as his dating value increases, hers is decreasing. He'll be in his dating prime at 28, 29, and she'll be at 37, 38 years old.

    It's like how Ashton Kutcher was with Demi Moor when he was younger, age 27. Then by the time he was 34, older Demi was gone and replaced by younger MIla Kunis.

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    • Yeah she's 8 years older than him but they look close in age at this point, and she's the type of woman all the guys check out but who knows how she'll age.

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    • People tend to mature with age especially late 20s and thirties. How long are u going to be a child and run after young vagina lol.

    • Henry Cavil--Superman--age 32--has a 19 year old girlfriend. Paul Walker died and left behind a 23 year old girlfriend he started dating when she was 16.

      And in my experience women don't really mature, so you don't lose anything by dating a teenager over a girl who's a bit older.

  • Thats totally acceptable to me.

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  • My opinion is the age difference is no problem.

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  • It is.
    Half your age plus 7
    that is the formula...

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  • You and every woman can date whoever the fuck you want. Anyone who gives you lip you can tell them to fuck off, even your family members (ESPECIALLY your family members.)

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  • Unfortunately it's still seen as taboo in society for an older woman to be dating or in a relationship with a younger man! in my opinion I can't understand why it is viewed this way but what I will say is that if your friend is really happy with the younger guy then that is all that matters 😆

    Age is just a number at the end of the day 😊

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  • I think ink it's because most people feel relationships are for the purpose of procreation. Most would see this man still as a young man and not as capable of a provider or mature enough to be a father as a man her own age. Personally I don't have a problem with large age gaps. When the roles are reversed many feel that the family will still be provided for. Additionally most women mature far faster than their male peers.

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  • This scene was happen to me . i am 24 now. and she was 35. start to love first but then things changed because of different country too far away not possible to reach. And there is no wrong. if you both want make it happen then. Love is more important

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  • its not normal, but it's acceptable.

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  • I just went on a date with somebody 13 years older than me. Before her, it was somebody 4 years older. Bottom line: who the hell cares?

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  • The answer as to whether or not it's acceptable is another question: "Is she hot?"

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  • I see nothing wrong. They're both adults

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  • It's just the social norms but I say fuck em as long as they do them then wgaf

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  • I think it great go for it you can't put a number on love

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  • Why is it unacceptable? Who cares?

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  • So I'll dare a guess on this one.

    A 24 year old man is unlikely to be planning to settle down anytime soon and the 32 year old woman is, biologically, needing to do so. In the flipped case scenario this doesn't cause a problem. Basically since men tend to settle down later in their lives this is less likely to lead to something.

    I don't think society at large would disagree or care about an 8 year old gap for either gender constellation.

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  • do you like younger men? :)

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  • Honestly? Older women are ugly, and it makes him seem pathetic.

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    • You haven't seen her though

    • To act as if she automatically makes someone unattractive is hilarious

    • Age automatically makes someone unattractive

  • im 29 she's 41 everyone is just going to have to deal with it

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What Girls Said 18

  • Ofc she can! Screw what anybody says.
    She is a grown woman and responsible for her choices.
    While she should not expect a 24 year old to settle and stay with her forever.. he JUST might... some men will surprise us. Everyone is different, and for every shoe size, there is a fitting foot that goes right along with it/

    So, it is acceptable for women to go with a younger man... Ofc, older generations are going to judge. They always judge everything anyway! Only you are responsible for your life and your happiness :)

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    • ? she can't she is pedo?

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    • And that was at the guy who responded with this men age better than women crap, not the opinion owner or the asker.

    • @missnic825 You make some good points. I think it all really depends on the men/women. Some men do age well but that is usually the 'fit ones'. For the rest, what you said is really true.. Damn, that is sad. lol Good point. Thanks for pointing that out though :) haha

  • Most of the reason is because people like to say women mature faster then men. Before everyone shits all over my comment, I'll say that's not ALWAYS the case. For me though either situation is a little iffy because that age range has very different life experiences, so either way it would be too different for me.

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  • Because unfortunately many people in our society still cling to outdated notions that are based on things that no longer apply today. For example, the assumption underlying the idea that older man / younger woman is fine is based on a time where women depended on men to take care of them, emotionally and financially. Of course today that is not the case for most, and in general men and women are coming into things from a more egalitarian position in terms of finances and emotional health. Now it is true that men do in general take longer to mature than females, but that is a generality, not something that can or should be applied to everyone individually.

    My take is that the bottom line is people should be with who makes them happy, instead of worrying about what society might think about it. Life is too short to deprive yourself the experience of being with someone who makes you happy. More power to your friend I say :-)

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  • Double standards
    I think it's kinda stupid. Like if they both like eachother then why can't we just leave them be? Also as long as it's legal LOL. If it was like a 24 year old woman dating a boy 8 years younger than her then that would be illegal but since your friend is 34 and the guy she's daring, although 8 years younger, is considered an adult then I think it's fine.

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  • It's honestly a bit of a big age difference whichever way it's turned - men or a woman being older...

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    • You'd consider a 35 year old dating u a big age difference?

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    • He was really mature and acted my age group , but he wasn't ready for something serious. He wanted to focus more on building his career. It was fun while it lasted. I never thought I'd be with anyone younger.

    • Makes sense... If an experience builds you as a person and you think of it fondly then it was never a mistake. =)

  • I agree completely and I think society needs to get over this. I think it's a ridiculous double standard. Especially considering women hit their sexual peak at a later age and also that women tend to live longer. 😒

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  • Gender roles. Its a free country so obviously they aren't going to throw her in prison so she shouldn't care what people think. I wouldn't mind dating a younger guy so long as he is mature.

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  • Double standards, but there's far more annoying ones if you ask me.

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  • Nothing wrong with it.

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  • I've never heard anything against it

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  • It's fine for a 32 year old women to date a 24 year old man. Her mom sounds like an angry person. that love to hate. I'm a dating a 20 year old college student and it's not breaking any laws.

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    • Yea but she's only eight years older. You're old enough to be the guys mom. Do u feel weird with the stares? Just curious

    • Damn , If that's u gotta say u look good. I see why he wants u lol

    • I'm fine with the stares, I think they're jealous

  • it's totally fine but lets be realistic men in their 20's are often consumed by their hormones and I feel understand less of what they're doing when they get into a relationship with an age gap.

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  • lisa bonet married a guy 12 years younger than her (khal drogo) and it's not taboo.

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  • Age is just a number

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  • Thats how society works. If it was a man nobody would have cared.

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  • Its perfectly acceptable its just rarer. I think of anything its more socially acceptable, other women will encourage you while men get called cradle snatcher and that women their own age intimidate them. Depends a guy at 24 might think he doesn't want kids of his o but one day he might. If you already have kids well he's not going stick around. A man aged 30's stock on the dating starts to rise an reaches a point where his age, education, fitness, experience and finances all come together to where he is the best possible version of himself but for us girls are best years are 15-29 and in that window is our opportunity to get an education, get a good job, party, have fun, find a good man, get engaged, get married and have kids. Im not saying it can't happen aged 34 just that it becomes less likely. Be careful a lot 24 year old guys are looking for a cougar to pump and dump so dont get attached.

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  • Who says is not acceptable? My friend who's 43 is dating a guy who is 30. They look great together, have an amazing chemistry, and tons in common. What else would you want?
    Besides, love knows no boundaries: religion, race, education, and age too

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  • I noticed this too

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