I still live with my parents and there is plenty of opportunity for them to do so. I introduced my fiance to my parents a year ago. Since then my fiance has come over about 8 times and his parents met my parents in January. The last time he came over was in February and my parents have not said one word about him since. It's like he doesn't even exist.
Long story short they are not happy because he is a different ethnicity as them although we are both Caucasian. Like no one would even know we are different ethnically by our looks. My mom has made her comments though... like last week was my sister in law's grad party and we were looking for men for my younger cousin. And then my mom got upset and said in a bitchy voice "I wonder why we never did this for <my name> when she was younger so she could have found someone. And I said "I already have someone thank you".
My parents still have not mentioned my fiance to my extended family such as my aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Only my immediate family knows (although I did go behind my parents back and told my moms family (who are open minded and my grandma is white so she is very approving) but I'm customarily supposed to wait for my parents to tell them. I wanted my fiance to meet my extended family during the holidays but my parents declined. They said they want to meet his parents first. There has been no action taken since and there have been countless family get togethers. What hurts is when my brother was engaged his fiance was invited to everything.
I don't bring my fiance up because it usually starts an argument. I just wasn't sure if this is normal... or if I'm always supposed to be the one bringing it up. I though this was supposed to be a happy time because I found someone I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Instead this is the most stressed I've ever been and keep going back and forth about breaking the relationship off because I can't handle the stress.
Most Helpful Guy
If you want to make your point without being pushy or facing an arguemen skip a couple of family gathering , but don't advertise that you won't be there. When they finally ask you what's up and they will just politely say that being he wasn't invited you decided to spend the time with him. It may or may not become an argument even then , but they will know it's an issue that won't be going away by ignoring it1
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Most Helpful Girl
Aww, Im sorry you have to go through this... It is not very nice you have to experience this, but unfortunately this is the dark side of very 'family oriented' cultures and families who ahve a say in your life and what you do, etc.
I know it is customs, but clearly your parents do not approve of your relationship so you are going to have to take the bull by the horns and unfortunately, defy them... But be prepared it may cause war.
How are his parents/family approving of you? If they are open and welcoming to you, you should try to make your fiancee feel welcomed and loved into your family as well... AND if it is unfortunately not by your parents - then IT MUST BE by you... INtroduce him to your extended family... Your parents haven't done it, well okay.. too bad.. Ask the about it and WHEN theyy are going to do it, if they dont give you a straight answer, FEEL FREE to introduce him YOURSELF. He is VERY SOON going to start being a direct/intimate memmber of the family - WHTEHR Your parents like it/approve it or not, so he might as well start being comfortable and being in on the family drama...
When you marry one person, you marry their family as well... So time to show him who your family really is - the good and the dark side. Good luck and defend your fiancee more. He is your sooon going to be husband!! AND YOU NEED TO BACK HIM UP - JUST AS HE needs to back you up to his family if thye were not aproving of you. That's life unfortunately sometimes in SOME cultures/families.
Dont let it get to you though, take it as a tough lesson and bring him in.. He deserves to be just as involved. Whatever you start doing/bring him along.. Family dinners, events, etc.. Don't ask for permission... just DO. He will appreciate it and it'll bring a bond between him and the family as they get to know him ;) Good luck!0