Should I give my wife a second chance?

So, my wife had an affair 5 months into our marriage. It lasted for four months and they had sex about fifteen times. She was 21 and working in a bar. It happened after bar time and she says she was always drunk. We have a son and I was home with him. She wouldn't come home until 4 am. She would say she was at denny's with her friends after work. I truly trusted her. I found out a week ago. about 16 months after the affair ended.

We have talked very openly about it since then. I asked and received more details than I probably needed to know. I really love her. But how do I get that picture out of my head. Will the memory fade? A one night stand or even two sounds so much more appealing than a affair where the got to know each others bodies. I'm sure I want to work it out. I'd also love to get this sick feeling out of my stomach. I also see her differently during sex. My wife is extremely beautiful. Almost like I'm seeing what this OM was enjoying. Damn this sucks.





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Most Helpful Girl

  • if u love her give it a second thought.. Just think would u have done this if u were in her place? Honestly I don't know about guy but girls don't need anyone else once they have the person they love.. This shows she doesn't love you. One night stand is in the moment but an affair isn't. Well to tell u the truth if i was in ur place i would have forgiven her but then i woud keep suffering my entire life.. Trust me it's easy to forgive and not easy to forget.. If u forgive her u'll always be insecure that she'll cheat on u and that's very painful. If u r ready to endure that kind of suffering ur entire life then go ahead and give her a second chance.. But I'm a female and I feel females don't feel the need to cheat if they truly love someone

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The issue I think I would have if I was you is knowing that she wanted to have sex with the other guy while in a committed marriage. Because of that, I'd question her feelings for me. Like would I want to be with someone that wanted to be with another guy? Would I want to be with a girl that would do something to hurt me that significantly because of her selfishness? Maybe she really wants to be with other guys like she was but wants the bond we have as well? So maybe her real desire is to have multiple guys + commitment so she'll try and force her future cheating desires despite telling you otherwise (to keep you)? Would I want to be with a girl that wants that? Also I'd question her character. I'd question her honesty. I'd question her faithfulness in the future. I've seen some data that suggested cheating may have a genetic component by the way.

    Memories fade but one that strong you will always remember. Your potential level of intimacy (closeness) and trust may forever be somewhat undermined because of what happened.

    I would personally end the marriage, and reevaluate what I want in a partner or do whatever personal growth or soul searching that would benefit me. You can stay and possibly have a nice marriage. I think that's kind of the safe thing to do. You can also take a risk, reevaluate your romantic life and hopefully find a girl that doesn't want to cheat.

    I'm sorry to hear you went through that and good luck with your choice.

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What Girls Said 11

  • sorry but she didn't gaf about you and your kid... she showed no respect to you... divorce from her... she doesn't deserve any chance!!! and also don't forget... once a cheater always a cheater...
    hope you and your kid will be happy in the future

    peace!

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  • The memory might not fade, but its up to you if you want to make this family work. If you can forgive her and know you can and want to then do so, ask all the questions you want and she should have no problem answering them, don't ask what you were doing wrong, but ask what she needs and tell her what you need. This won't just heal quickly, it will over time and you guys can actually come out stronger with the correct communication and honesty.

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  • I'm a very forgiving person to those I love and care about. I forgive almost anything, but I'd never forgive any sort of betrayal or infidelity.

    Once someone breaks your trust you can never get back the same level of trust as you had before. How can you give someone a second chance and trust them, when they've already given you one good reason why you souldn't trust them.

    Trust is the foundation for ever relationship. I don't believe it's possible to rebuild a relationship after the trust has been severed. Trust is earned it can't be regained. Once a person has cheated then that will always be their potential

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  • Never been married so I really can't say. She wasn't ready for commitment which is obvious. I wouldn't stay with a person like that though.

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  • Time and honesty are the only things that can help you move forwards as a couple. You won't be able to pick up as if things are normal. You have to both figure out a plan of how to work together and become stronger together and work past this. It's going to be incredibly difficult but I think you're doing the right thing by trying. You're married with a child, people don't just cheat for fun, especially when they have so much to lose. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to blame anyone else but understanding what caused her to risk all she has is key to stopping it again.

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  • Honestly I would lose so much trust and that's really important. If you can't get passed that the. It's better to move on. Once a cheater probably always a cheater :/

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  • the real problem is not her having an affair, but coming late to home constantly and not carrying the responsibilities of a mother.
    you can give a second chance to her but your son shouldn't.
    he deserves better.

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  • divorce her ass. Damn people these days.. no respect.

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  • bro... once a cheater, always a cheater tho :/

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  • It's totally up to you man... you have to just do what you feel is right and try not to care about what people think. I know a great guy who's wife cheated on him multiple times with multiple people throughout the years and he's still with her because that's what he wants. Do I agree with his decision? No. Does it matter if I do? Hell no.

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  • Not only is she a cheater, she sounds irresponsible as fuck too. Useless.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Nope divorce her

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  • Will the memory fade? No, it will just weaken.

    Key is she didn't only betray you, but she decided to fuck some other dude while having a child at home. I mean it couldn't be worse than that.

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  • 18-24 you can recover dude. Fuck that slut. She will resent you if you stay with her. No matter what she tells you.. if she stays with you she will resent you and lose respect for you. She will cheat again.

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  • Your first sentence is all i needed to hear dump her mayne if you a man

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  • yes !!!

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  • It's totally upto you 😶
    Sorry :P

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  • no dump the ho

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