So, my wife had an affair 5 months into our marriage. It lasted for four months and they had sex about fifteen times. She was 21 and working in a bar. It happened after bar time and she says she was always drunk. We have a son and I was home with him. She wouldn't come home until 4 am. She would say she was at denny's with her friends after work. I truly trusted her. I found out a week ago. about 16 months after the affair ended.
We have talked very openly about it since then. I asked and received more details than I probably needed to know. I really love her. But how do I get that picture out of my head. Will the memory fade? A one night stand or even two sounds so much more appealing than a affair where the got to know each others bodies. I'm sure I want to work it out. I'd also love to get this sick feeling out of my stomach. I also see her differently during sex. My wife is extremely beautiful. Almost like I'm seeing what this OM was enjoying. Damn this sucks.
Most Helpful Girl
if u love her give it a second thought.. Just think would u have done this if u were in her place? Honestly I don't know about guy but girls don't need anyone else once they have the person they love.. This shows she doesn't love you. One night stand is in the moment but an affair isn't. Well to tell u the truth if i was in ur place i would have forgiven her but then i woud keep suffering my entire life.. Trust me it's easy to forgive and not easy to forget.. If u forgive her u'll always be insecure that she'll cheat on u and that's very painful. If u r ready to endure that kind of suffering ur entire life then go ahead and give her a second chance.. But I'm a female and I feel females don't feel the need to cheat if they truly love someone1
Most Helpful Guy
The issue I think I would have if I was you is knowing that she wanted to have sex with the other guy while in a committed marriage. Because of that, I'd question her feelings for me. Like would I want to be with someone that wanted to be with another guy? Would I want to be with a girl that would do something to hurt me that significantly because of her selfishness? Maybe she really wants to be with other guys like she was but wants the bond we have as well? So maybe her real desire is to have multiple guys + commitment so she'll try and force her future cheating desires despite telling you otherwise (to keep you)? Would I want to be with a girl that wants that? Also I'd question her character. I'd question her honesty. I'd question her faithfulness in the future. I've seen some data that suggested cheating may have a genetic component by the way.
Memories fade but one that strong you will always remember. Your potential level of intimacy (closeness) and trust may forever be somewhat undermined because of what happened.
I would personally end the marriage, and reevaluate what I want in a partner or do whatever personal growth or soul searching that would benefit me. You can stay and possibly have a nice marriage. I think that's kind of the safe thing to do. You can also take a risk, reevaluate your romantic life and hopefully find a girl that doesn't want to cheat.
I'm sorry to hear you went through that and good luck with your choice.3