My wife slept with my friend. How do I forgive her?

[Anonymous]

My wife cheated on me with my two best friends. I found out this morning when they admitted to sleeping with her, and showed me the pictures theye took of her naked. When I confronted my wife she suddenly became angry and shouted "because you're crappy in bed ok? so fucking deal with it!!!" I was repeatedly sexually abused when I was 8 years old, and I find sex too hard deal with. The whole thing is too emotional for me, and she knows this. I love her so should I forgive her?

Forgive

Leave

Updates

+1 y

To make things worse my wife and I had re weed our wedding vows earlier that same day.

[NoFcks2Give]

Divorce rates 50%, 80 to 90 percent of divorce are filed by the wife. Stop getting married. LTR for life, if you can slice it. We can even throw a party and do all the expensive superficial shit ( which lets be honest, that's what you want, admit it. Its about the ridiculously long walk and the obnoxiously bright white dress) If your five years in and she's pressuring you to marry, stand your ground, if she loves you she ain't going nowhere. I'm serious. As a man you have no chips left when your married. Your out of buy in power so to speak. Your only weapon of power as the traditional man in a relationship is your LOVE AND SUPPORT, and the fact you can take them away. When you get married, whoops there goes the SUPPORT, (that ring serves as a pension). Now its 4th quarter 2 minutes left, and your down, been down for a while (lets call that year 6 in a marriage, haven't had sex with her for like 4 months, haven't had a real conversation in... forever.) And all you have left in your pocket, as she's in the other room gameplanning with her other unhappily married women about her option$ (Remember that pension, think of that when she brings up counseling) . Now all you have is love in your arsenal, and lord forbid if she's been in love with someone before you... you're FUCKED. Fucked, fucked, fuckity fucked. Thank you and have a nice day lol.

[serious]

Honestly speaking, you shouldn't be even asking this question. My question is " Why must you forgive your wife"? why must you even think of forgiving your wife?

Honestly your wife doesn't deserve forgiveness, what she did is not a mistake, it was her choice, her decision to do so and she did it purposely to hurt you or whatever other reasons she may have had, it was on purpose and this act of her's doesn't deserve forgiveness.

Hence you should never forgive her. Of course you should leave and you should remove her out of your life forever, what she did it indicates that she is very selfish and can go to any extent to make you feel bad or to hurt you.

I would suggest you divorce her right away. You don't deserve to be with a partner who is highly disrespectful and cheap. You really don't need someone like that in your life.

Hence you don't have to forgive her, forgiveness is a choice and it's up to you if you want to forgive her or not, but irrespective to that you should divorce her immediately.

That will be my suggestion

[StarryNights]

No, you should not leave her. Why experience a child hood of sexual abuse only to journey through adulthood experiencing emotional abuse by the woman who vowed to take good care of your heart? Good wives do not puncture the dignity, pride, self-esteem, and self-love of their husbands. When there's a problem in the bedroom, they use their words like adults and address it with TACTFUL, DELICATE, sincere honesty. They don't seek to solve their issues with another man's dick. Let alone the dick of a man their husband thought was his friend.

You've still got so much life to live. There's an unimaginable excess of joy, harmony, peace, and euphoria in this life but you cannot touch it if you keep disloyal, untrustworthy, sneaky backstabbers like her and your former friend around. Leave her, let him have his disloyal, deceptive whore, cut him off, and never speak to either of them again. Also, get involved in intensive therapy so that you can address your childhood pain properly and experience a relationship in the future where it doesn't restrict you.

[StarryNights]

*No, you SHOULD leave her

[Asker]

I was confused at first. Thanks for clearing it up

[StarryNights]

Lol, you're welcome. I don't know how that 'not' got in there ;p

[Laura_Marx]

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Don't forgive her. What she did was really more than cheating. It wasn't like oh, she was overcome by passion. It's obvious that she did it specifically to hurt you.

It's abuse.

Often when we are abuse victims we develop what's called trauma bonds, we internalise the logic of abuse and trauma, and we often seek it out again in others. We think we're *supposed* to be treated that way. But you're not, I swear <3333 you deserve a healthy relationship with an understanding partner, who is happy to go at your own speed and work through your trauma with you. Not someone who's going to create elaborate scenarios just to humiliate you for your CSA.

Leave her. You really, really don't need German. I promise it doesn't have to be this way.

[Laura_Marx]

I... do they know why that autocorrected 'her' to 'German'... I really gotta start proofreading 》_《 well, you certainly don't need to know any German to know you should leave your awful wife!!!

[Asker]

Why so you think she did it to hurt me

[Asker]

You didn't answer my question

[NoFcks2Give]

All the men and she chose your friends, your buddies, your supposed comrades. She doesn't give a fuck about you fam... She did at some point. You filled some void for her somewhere, but in her eyes you failed her, so she's justified, because you were responsible for her happiness. If you weren't married you could just ghosted. If she wants excitement, get her on drugs, string her out and put that bitch on the block. She want dick so bad, the least she can do is make bread, abd bring it home. This is the perfect time, to go from SIMP (Sucker Idolizing Mediocre Pussy) to PIMP

[Laura_Marx]

ah sorry I never replied to this

lol, yes, NoFcks2Give is right. Choosing your friends (who are no friends at all), getting them to *take pictures* in order to show you, etc. That's not someone who succumbed to a moment of weakness - that's someone who's planning an attack. She wanted to hurt you. I think if you can examine your relationship with her up to this point you'll be able to locate patterns of abuse, she probably does things like this a lot, just not to this level. Does she often make you feel like shit?

I hope yr doing okay <33333

[Asker]

Honestly NO, this was just sort of out of the blue Know what I mean?

[btbc92]

Forgive and then leave. You have every right to file for divorce. She knew you had a problem and she took advantage of your twice. Let her go and move on. You don't need someone like that. If you stay, she will do it again. She has no remorse for what she did. It sounds like to me she is very proud of what she did. It's over. Get every evidence that you need and bring it to family Court. If those two guys are willing to testify against her do so. And end it. Hope and pray things work out for yoi.

[serious]

I agree with the rest of your points. However forgiveness is also a choice, so if he doesn't want to forgive her, then he doesn't have to.

[btbc92]

@serious lacking forgiveness causes bitterness and he may never move on from what happened. Also if he was tokay get into another relationship his un-forgiveness will cause a problem. It also makes you physically ill.

[EllieLexis513]

Uh, well, if you're not a troll, you should leave. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and to make it worse, she wasn't even apologetic. Get out now while you can, get the evidence from your friends, and divorce her and make sure she gets nothing.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Unfortunately, she'll get AT LEAST half, though it's usually significantly more. And the court won't give a damn about her infidelity.

[EllieLexis513]

@Barrabus_the_Free She won't get boo if he proves adultery. Even the strictest and most sexist divorce states draw the line there.

[Asker]

You really think the courts will make an exception? ?

[EllieLexis513]

I've seen it happen with co-workers, several times. It's not an exception. Adultery has always been seen as the worst thing a person can do in a marriage.

[Asker]

Ok good. I bet a man would have been crucified in court if he did this to his wife with two other women?

[Barrabus_the_Free]

I wish you were right, but thanks to No-Fault (read: Always The Man's Fault) divorce, infidelity on her part doesn't matter. Like I said, a lot of courts won't even allow it to be mentioned. My lawyer told me not to even bring it up because the court wouldn't listen. Luckily no one told my ex wife that, so as soon as her boyfriend offered to testify on my behalf she was suddenly willing to take the deal I was offering.

[EllieLexis513]

@Barrabus_the_Free That's because you had a crap lawyer. That's like... law 101.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Um, no. That's the same thing I've heard from numerous men in numerous states. Read the law sometime. It doesn't make any provisions for reducing a woman's payout because she fucked someone else. Most states divorce laws say "equitable distribution of assets", and it's the judge's sole discretion what constitutes 'equitable'. Note that equitable does NOT mean "half".

[EllieLexis513]

@Barrabus_the_Free I have read the law, so maybe your lawyer should try it themselves. And I don't know why you told me any of that because that has zilch to do with adultery.

[vidaloca]

Rest assured, it was not about your bedroom skills. She can't point at the real issue she has, so she goes for the jugular instead in order to avoid spitting the truth. This is a classic tactic of crazy or insecure women. Leave

[Asker]

She went for the jugular? ?

[Jaye234]

Yea dump her man. After sleeping with not 1 but 2 of YOUR friends! And I'd also beat the fuck out of those "friends" of yours. How dare them all to back stab you to that extent. That's beyond fucked up man. While it's devestating yes but if she'll sleep with 2 of your friends who else has she slept with?

[Vesuvius87]

If you don't file for divorce and leave her ASAP then you would have no one to blame but yourself when she cheats again.

[Asker]

I have to wait till Monday

[xxmamichulaxx]

What she did was beyond disgusting and she sounds emotionally abusive , showing you the pictures they took, insulting u when u find out , she's not sorry. Leave her and don't go back

[Asker]

What should I say to my friends

[Sara413]

She should have talked to you about your sexual issues and tried to get you help to overcome them instead of cheating on you, especially with your friends (who, by the way, are fucking garbage friends for doing that). I'd say leave her since she obviously isn't trustworthy and doesn't respect your marriage at all, but you do need to also get help with your sexual issues as his WILL be a recurring problem in all your future relationships as well if you don't work at it. Sex is important.

[xXiTacoXx]

You need to leave a slut bag like that. You don't deserve to be treated like shit by some skank who can't keep her legs closed off to men who's not her husband.

[MrAtticusLebowski]

Leave and find some actual friends. Maybe start getting involved in therapy. This seems to go beyond an unfaithful wife. The fact that you're seriously considering forgiving her is just insane.

[FingerDancer]

Best friends you say?
I think you need to leave town and start life all over again mate.

[Asker]

K know what you mean

[Anonymous]

Awww, hunny. I'm so sorry about your past. I really hope you are okay now. I know that it was tough. She is such a selfish unloyal bitch. You should NOT forgive her. Leave her now. She does not sound like the type of woman you'd want to spend the rest of your life with , trust me. Just let her go

[Barrabus_the_Free]

There are actually cucks saying to forgive her. SMDH...

[This_is_my_username]

Leave. She obviously has no respect for you and also no guts to tell you that she is unhappy. She also has no regards for your happiness. What a bichhhhh.

Sorry bud. You'll find someone BETTER :) keep going.

[Jan1ssary_]

Oh my god man, no matter if you love her or not she showed how ''whore'' she is with cheating on you, its not even first time as you said, she slept with your 2 friends and its shit dude, If I were you I would leave even without thinking it.

[vnmc1231231111]

if you forgive her, your wife is right, ur a piece of crap. Let that whore carry her sluttiness while u start looksmaxing. If ur still 18-24 for real, spend time till age 30 in abstaining from women and sex and work on your looks and physique and save for cosmetic procedures required and see how she turns into a fat ugly bitch by then while ur a slayer. Trust me, ur a loser now, but u can change but dont try to change a standard 21st century whore

[Reallio]

She's a bitch, leave her and find someone who'll treat you better. You should find some new friends while you're at it too.

[RedVulcan]

*take this with a grain of salt, mostly going for the 1xper
Looks like you should've communicated better woth her before marriage about your bed troubles.

[Dimmu]

Wtf
You are being manipulated
She made you think she's the victim
YOU ARE THE VICTIM
LEAVE THE BITCH

[Holygirl01]

She is a huge slut, she could have easily ducked someone else, she didn't have to go for your friends. Get rid of her ASAP.

[Megabeauty]

don't forgive her. by the way, can't check my messages right now, check my profile for the question about unboxing me and we can chat there until my computer works again

[Megabeauty]

inboxing

[Tarvold]

Just leave. You need to get over your issues, yes, but you also deserve to share your live with someone who has more respect for you than that.

[Prof_Don]

You two aren't compatible for each other, the sooner u two end the better

[TheButterfly]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that man. You should leave. No one deserves to be treated like that