Is the bride wrong for making this choice about her bridesmaid?

My friend is getting married in a couple of months and told me confidentially that she didn't choose one of her friends to be a bridesmaid because her friend is fat and really annoyingly insecure about it (her words). She says she doesn't want to hear her friend endlessly shaming herself or have to pick another dress just for her because she knows she'll never wear it.

She said she didn't want this friend to feel self conscious around her other skinny bridesmaids or to have to feel bad in the dress she's choosing which is really form fitting. I asked if she knew this for a fact that her friend wouldn't want to be in the wedding b/c of that or was she just assuming, and she told me "she knows her," and so feels that this is the right decision.

  • Meh, it's the brides day, she can pick whomever she wants to be in her bridal party regardless of the reason.
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  • I think the bride is in the wrong. At least she should ask her friend first and let her friend decide.
    27% (8)25% (2)26% (10)Vote
  • I think the bride is being a good friend. If she says she knows the girl is super insecure, then she's just looking out for her
    10% (3)13% (1)11% (4)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can totally see where she is coming from. If the friend is super insecure about her weight she's gonna be feeling extremely insecure wearing a bridesmaids dress in front of dozens of people and during pictures... and if she is the type who doesn't just suck it up but instead voices her insecurity constantly that's gonna get really annoying, really fast for everyone. I think the friend, the bride and the rest of the bridal party are better off with the decision she made.

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    • I'm not overweight but I do have really large breasts and I remember being in my sister in laws bridal party how self conscious I felt the whole day wearing a dress I was not comfortable in and that did not suit my body type (strapless). I can only imagine how it would feel to be overweight and self conscious about it in that same situation.

What Guys Said 2

  • First answer sounds best

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  • i think she should have at least asked. you can't just assume she'll say no. besides, some "bigger" women look better in form fitting dresses. my cousins wedding had a "bigger" woman as a bridesmaid

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    • I know, and I would have just had her if it were my wedding, but the way my bride friend talks about her, it sounds like this girl whom I don't know, can't really hold it together when it comes to her issues with her body. Always complaining I guess. I could see how that aspect would be annoying to anyone. If anything, I'm now like super curious to actually meet her at the wedding now.

What Girls Said 8

  • The bride may have a valid point. People insecure with their weights are super annoying to be around. Everything is about them and you have to be delicate with their feelings. If it were my wedding, I wouldn't want to put up with that nonsense either.

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  • Lol, that's just an excuse. I think the real reason is she has a problem with her friend being an overweight bridesmaid, so she decided to exclude her and make it sound like she's actually doing the girl a favor. Whatever, it's her day. I doubt she's a good friend though.

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  • It's her day and she can do whatever she wants. I probably would do the same thing. This friend sounds like a real downer. The last thing you want is someone like that around you during your special day

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    • The bride my friend, really isn't a mean person even though it may sound like it a bit, but I think it's more to what you suggest is that, she has enough to worry about with all the planning and just wants to pick some dresses, and have that be it, and not have that be a big thing with the bridesmaids and just have all her girls really celebrate the day with her and not bring her down with their own problems for one day.

  • It's her choice but it sounds more like she doesn't want a fat bridesmaid than her being a good friend.

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  • Why would you invite a constant downer on a special or for preparation of a special day. Your bridesmaids are cream of the crop in your group of friends; that particular friend didn't make the cut.

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  • It is up to the bride to choose whoever is supposed to take part in her ceremony.

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  • I think the bride has a point, but still very rude/inconsiderate of her to discuss her reasons with others. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, even to a friend, most likely said "friend" will put together why she was left out or unfortunately she will hear second hand and that is not exactly looking out for her.

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    • I've never met the other girl, so I can't say how she is or isn't, but the way my friend kept describing her, is that she just constantly puts herself down and compares herself to others, and can't ever accept compliments. I think the reason she told me any of this are two fold... one, I don't know the other girl, and I don't live in the same place as any of them, and two because she wanted some advice or for me to help her gauge if I thought she was doing the right thing.

  • Meh, it's the brides day, she can pick whomever she wants to be in her bridal party regardless of the reason.

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