What's with people who get engaged but never actually plan a wedding?

It's one thing that really confuses and to be honest kind of annoys me. I feel like a lot of people get engaged without really thinking about what that means, like they don't really take it seriously.

I've met several people who've been engaged before but broke up without ever planning a wedding.

I am not even talking about people who planned or started planning a wedding but broke up before it happened - those people I think got engaged with the intent to marry but something changed or they got scared. I'm talking about people who get engaged but don't really seem like they actually intend to go through with it.

There's a couple I know that's been engaged for over a year and a half and haven't even set a date. Furthermore, the female half has decided on a whim to up and move to a city a 12 hour drive away for a two year work contract (which she didn't need to do, she had/has a stable job here and just wanted to go because she's bored). Both my boyfriend and I are like 95% sure they're never actually going to get married. So why bother with the engagement?

Do you think a lot of people get engaged just because they want to use the word fiancée instead of bf/gf but don't actually want to get married?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Theyre just very busy

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    • You don't think it's a little weird to not even have considered a date or location after being engaged over a year and a half?

Most Helpful Girl

  • If they're in the USA and their incomes are anywhere close to each other, they may just be exercising basic financial sense.

    Here, couples with comparable incomes tend to pay a "marriage penalty" -- as much as several thousand additional dollars in taxes.
    Worse, if one of them is a company employee but takes substantial personal business deductions, it's possible that they could get hit for *another* couple thousand. (Employee tax deductions get reduced by 2% of the TOTAL income reported on the tax return. So, after marriage, that means they have to subtract 2% of BOTH of their income from those deductions, rather than just subtracting 2% of one earner's income.)

    It's possible that other financial instruments (or other things with equivalent value) could even this out if they married -- stuff like differently structured tax deductions/exemptions, shared health and dental insurance, lower homeowner's and auto insurance, better credit ratings, etc.
    Most significantly, if one spouse makes significantly more than the other, married couples get tax *benefits*.

    But yeahhh... if they're here in the States, they could just be doing it to keep a few extra grand in their pockets each year.

    I don't know much about the Canadian tax system, but, I just looked at the first Google hit I found.
    From that single hit, it seems like your country just penalizes married couples who make lots of money together, rather than penalizing a particular ratio of incomes:
    www.canadianbusiness.com/.../

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    • sorry to intrude and to be off topic, just wanted to thank you for following me, i'm really honored after running into some of your posts, i really respect you and a bit in awe of you. Anyway, i would have PM'd you this, but i am not at that level yet to be able to do so here :)

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    • anytime! <3 if you ever wanna drop me a line, please do so, since i am unable to :/

    • @Mydnite Will do

What Guys Said 4

  • Yeah, seems like a status of commitment. Sometimes it's a money issue

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  • cuz introducing someone as your fiance just sounds better?

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  • men use this as a noose to keep women around.

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  • It's up to them. Why is it your concern or business to tell them what to do?

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    • I'm just curious.. it seems strange to me.

    • It's up to them when they get married. I'm not reading your stuff, seen you posting on other ppl's posts. You don't read their's.

      It's up to them

What Girls Said 4

  • It defers from person to person. When my close friend was still with her ex fiancé , he is in the military now but always played head games with her throughout their relationship ever since it got sexual. That's one of the major issues I have with people who get engaged and live together before they are married. Many of times it isn't just for the benefits of declaring your engagement, or the fact they don't have enough money or time to plan it. It's the fact many of them are just 'comfortable' with what they are getting now, instead of getting married. Once a person gives in to sex, many guys wouldn't even think about getting married if he's already getting what he wants now. Many also see marriage as a life-sucking institution created by religion and the government. Which of course is not true at all. All they are doing is fooling around. Some even make the girl wait for nothing, and waste years and years of dating when she could be finding somebody that is going to marry her, like, right now! Meanwhile he wants to wait 5 more years to marry because he is still unsure. My advice, if you want to get married now, find somebody who wants to marry you now. Not be with somebody who wants to marry at 35, and you want to marry by 30. That's 5 extra years for what? What do you need those 5 years for when you could have gotten yourself prepared earlier? It's excuses. And yes, you and your boyfriend is correct. It's not 95% it is usually 99.9% fact it is NEVER going to happen. Especially if he/she cheated on them.

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  • They want the attention that comes along with being engaged. Especially the women, I find. People see the ring and they're all over you with the congrats and the questions.

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  • I think people get engaged because they want to be together forever. It basically means we're going to get married. No time frame though.

    I started planning my wedding the day I got engaged tbh. But I don't have a date Yet.

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  • For my grandfather, it was a way of showing that he was committed without having to bring the government or religion into his relationship.

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