Girls, I would like to get people's take on prenuptial agreements, does my situation sound reasonable enough to women?

I personally don't like the idea of a prenuptial agreement for obvious reasons but I feel I am between a rock and a hard place, I just can't get married without one. Would this be a deal breaker and of so, Please tell me a reasonable explanation.

I am 40.
$1.5 MM
I represent the third generation of a family business and responsible for a family trust in which my sisters are entitled assets as they opted out of the family business
I have an adopted son in Africa which I will pay for his College expenses
the family business is over 60 years old
I am responsible for 8 people's livelihoods at the business and feel I can't have an interruption of any kind such as a divorce in which someone claimed assets belong to them.

It is the responsibilities and the stakeholders and I can't imagine how I should think it's responsible to put other people at risk. If her feelings change or if she decides she can't handle my lifestyle traveling or if her mother gets sick and she wants to be with her and get a divorce, how can I gamble with other people's futures as well as my own.

if confronted with this circumstance; would you think it's understandable or is it just a black and white thing.

i know it's a turn off but the situation is what it is. If the situation was reversed, what then?

Updates:
Update:
The prenup would but summed up basically like this:
(1) after 10 years of marriage, the wife would be included as 50/50 in the family trust with the husbands share
(2) the wife would never be able to claim any assets to corporation ever including increased value of cooperation over time as its a different legal entity, exception would be liquidation of stock and profit but that decision to liquidate can only be intimated by shareholder (x)
(3) 1.5 MM plus all accumulative interest exclu
After 10 years prenup would be nullified except for corporation

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not a turn off to me, it doesn't matter. I don't blame someone for wanting to protect what is theirs and what they have worked for. I don't have a good impression of people who won't sign them.

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What Girls Said 10

  • "I personally don't like the idea of a prenuptial agreement for obvious reasons"

    If I put myself into yr situation here, this pretty much seems like an intelligence test.
    In fact, honestly, the only thing I'm not understanding is yr comment about "obvious reasons". What are those reasons, exactly?

    I am also more than a little worried by yr presumptive statement that we "know it's a turn-off".
    Um... no? Not really...
    You know what's MUCH MORE of a turn-off? A man who can't stand up for himself and his interests, and who can't present his side of an issue in a way that's calm, reasoned, and empathetic.

    Besides, there are 2 more things you don't seem to be taking into account:

    • Divisions of assets upon divorce -- in North America, at least -- affect only those assets that are accumulated DURING THE MARRIAGE.
    This $1.5 million in ALREADY EXISTING value couldn't be touched in any divorce settlement, no matter how acrimonious.
    So, you may be doing a lot of worrying about something that is in fact not even an issue.

    • A prenuptial agreement doesn't have to be "you get nothing", lol... You *could* always specify any particular division of assets at all.
    Specific dollar amount, percentage (of assets accumulated after marriage), etc.

    In any case, you should of course speak to an attorney about this.

    But, you should NOT be apprehensive to speak to yr fiancée about this. Nor should you be apologetic.
    THOSE would be the "turn-off".

    Be sensible and financially prudent, and think long-term. But, at the same time, don't be an asshole about it, and be sure to take yr fiancée's concerns and feelings into account when you talk to her about this.

    If she absolutely will not move on her position, and simply isn't willing to listen to you at all, then that's a HUGE red flag, and you should think twice about whether you really want to commit to this person for the long term.
    That sort of inflexibility would be a big red flag from anyone -- but especially here, since you aren't just looking to protect yr own interests (you're also looking out for the other stakeholders).

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    • To clarify what I meant by "obvious reasons" is I feel prenuptial agreements are a necessary evil. Getting married is supposed to be fun and romantic and both parties are saying they will never depart so in theory if both parties honoured their word, you wouldn't need one so it doesn't feel good is all. I wish I didn't need one and the reason I don't like it is I wish the promise was good enough as its more romantic and want to show I believe in the marriage by not getting one and I assume people feel the same way which is the basis of the topic. I assume people would rather believe in that their verbal promise together would be enough, and getting one would therefore be a turn off.
      Yes, there are assumptions because of the response people have, the are almost taboo. generalizations are needed when talking about general topics, exceptions are relegated in "margins of error" in stats, so they reinforce the notion just as much as provide an opposing view.

    • I would never consider getting married to someone I could not talk about this but my assumptions are reflecting how I feel about prenups

  • Even 'I would feel more comfortable with a safety net' is a valid reason, in my opinion. Prenups are fine, I don't really see any issue with them and I think it's important to get one. So, yeah, your situation sounds perfectly fine.

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  • When you put it like that it's understandable as you wouldn't want to be responsible for the disruption of 8 other people's lives. Though if you love someone enough to marry them as that's meant to be a bond that lasts forever they might see it as mistrust that it'll last

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  • I think it's understandable to want to protect other people, but if you're going into marriage already planning for when it ends, then you're setting yourself up for failure. It's definitely not a black and white issue. At the end of the day, your just gonna have to decide whether to risk your marriage, or your company. Which means more to you?

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    • i can't compare the business to a marriage as its like apples and oranges ; the business is a reality and what feeds the family so family and the business are not mutually exclusive. From my point of view, and according to my attorney whicn has been highlights is almost 70% of divorces are intimated by women. That statistic alone is a good reason as it had nothing to do with me. When I went in to my attorney's office; the statistics are mind boggling and another statistic he showed me is self made millionaire women are 46% more likely to initiate a prenup than a self made millionaire man (reversed situation).
      It feels like to me; and it's really sad, and I think men have it all wrong, I don't think women are "gold diggers"
      In situation like this, it's just that they don't want their most special day to be tarnished; it must feel like shit. I know that and sympathize but marriage is a contract and that's not my fault it's a legal contract, if it is; then it had to be addressed as such

    • I think however nothing about this topic is black and white because when asked about that 46%, the reason why women want that prenup is the idea of a man using them for money is so emotionally hurtful, way beyond what it feels like for many men who are less hurt by it as many men use money and prestige as an ego thing.

  • Especially at your age and considering ur assets and responsibilities id probably do the same if i were in ur position. Ur protecting urself just in case. Sivorces bring out the worst in people and prenups are just like an insurance on that. Its a perfectly viable expectation in my opinion.

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  • I wouldn't mind. My money is mine, and yours is yours. Though I do feel it should somewhat shared in the marriage, but not in divorce

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    • One thing to consider is after 10 years of marriage, things become communal in common law, so the way the law sees it, if you been commingling funds for 10 years and it's a success; then it should be 50/50

    • Even with a prenup?

  • Sounds like a scam post to me lol

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  • I do g know why anyone with money wouldn't get married without one. Just in case...

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  • GET THE PRENUP!

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  • I feel like prenups are kind of like lack of faith in a marriage working out. If you're going all in with someone then you should go all in.

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    • Ideally yes. I agree but what you are saying, taking away an ideal situation, is it doesn't matter what the circumstances are at all

    • A friend sait it is unethical not to haft one because it is not up to me to put my faith above other pekoe livelihoods: that it's not up to me l make that decision

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