Husband of 10 years can't hold a stable job. We barely do things together and I'm tired of this. Don't know what to do?

My husband of 10 years hasn't been able to hold a steady job the entire time we've been together. He keeps a job temporarily for 3 to 12 months and then he gets fired or laid off. Then he'll be unemployed for 1 to 2 years and it's difficult for him to find a job. We're in a large city so I'm not sure how this is possible. I don't know anyone else who has been unemployed this long.

I always put up with it though, and I always felt bad, just thinking he has bad luck. But now that it's happened again, I'm starting to doubt it's just bad luck.

He's now been unemployed for 4 months. He insists he's job hunting but he hasn't been on a single job interview yet.

I also feel bad because he moved real far, 10 years ago, to be with me. He has nobody in our city. Every time he loses his job he tosses around the idea of just going back home. I can't leave here because I have children and I can't take them away from their father. So I have no choice. If he leaves, our relationship is over.

I'm just fed up but I feel guilty. I don't know what to do or how many more chances he needs. I get child support for my kids, and then my parents also give me some money because I can't support him and I on one income anymore. If he leaves then I can move into a smaller place and I won't need my parent's support anymore.

I also tried talking to him about all this to no avail. He's become lazy and self righteous and thinks he's not doing anything wrong.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you know his work habits and I'll assume he's a tradesman in construction which is the reason why he's always layed off. Is he always late or lazy on the job? The career he made a desicion to get into, is it slow and doesn't have steady work? You should try to come at him in an extremely comforting way to him and talk out his options. After 10 years of not having stable work, it must be hard on him and makes him feel useless.

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    • He's not a tradesman, he's an architect, which makes it more difficult for me to understand why he can't hold a job. I don't know what he's like at work and I asked him to figure out if it's something he's doing wrong, but the one time I did that he got angry and blamed it on me that he lost his job. I understand that he must now have low self esteem because of it but I'm also not sure how much more I can handle

    • There's something up with him that he's hiding. How could he blame you unless you really did get in the way of his work. I don't know if architects bring their work home or not. Maybe he sucks at his job? Who knows what the reason is but there is something he is hiding that he's scared to tell you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Judging by the last sentence... I'd let him leave. If he's truly lazy and self righteous and sees no issue with his actions, that would be the last straw for me.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Don't feel bad, comfort him and try to remain as supportive as possible. I think he is homesick though. At least go to his home place just for a few months to make him feel better

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  • I guess it's time for you to leave.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I can understand your frustration, but you're willing to leave your husband of 10 years because of his unemployment? if so, than the marriage doesn't sound like it's that strong to begin with.

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    • It's not just because of his unemployment. There are also so many other things that get to me. Whenever we have a family gathering of any kind he doesn't want to attend. He refuses to attend any work events or weddings or anything with me. His reason is that he hates parties, but he could at least do these things for me? He never wants to do anything and lately I've been spending more of my time alone or with friends because I can't stay couped up in the house all day. I guess it's a lot of other things but his unemployment issue is the biggest for me right now. I'm just tired of taking care of someone else who does very little for me.

    • Well i still think its salvageable. Couples that have been together that long shouldn't break up cause of that, maybe he doesn't understand the urgency of how you feel, try to relay that. Whatever you do, don't do something dumb like cheat, if you are unhappy. In that case it is better to split.

    • I wouldn't ever cheat. It's just not in my nature to do so. I guess I'll just wait and see what happened. We had a talk last night so we will see what happens...

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