Do you believe in marriage?

I was talking to a few friends last night a mix of men and women. All in our 30's (not that age matters) The conversation was about marriage. I believe that marriage is a very important step in a relationship! Some of the guys think that marriage means nothing ?!?!? It doesn't make the love any more or less strong. It doesn't make the other not leave you. It doesn't make either not fall out of love. So the men just didn't see the point. The girls on the other hand think it's extremely important! Its professing your love and shouting it from the roof tops for all to hear! And the ring is a symbol an a reminder of you have given yourself to. Who you promised in front of friends family and God that you would love and cherish until death do you part... So is it true? Guys think nothing of it and the ladies need it ?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • How much input do men generally put into their weddings? The groom and his groomsmen all wear boring tuxedoes. It's the bride and her bridesmaids who look all pretty and everything. Most men don't care what goes on at the wedding. Not that they don't give a sh*t. Not that they don't love the woman that they are marrying, but for the most part it is a day for the woman. Us men, we don't grow up with fantasies of our wedding days. That's a chick thing. Women see it as a natural progression. That's what you need in order for the relationship to feel real. You need to profess your love and shout it out loud for everyone to hear. That makes it all real for you. A lot of men don't need that validation. It's not that guys think nothing of it, or that their love for the women they are with is any less than what the women feels for them, they just don't need the validation like that. And then when you add that on top of the current divorce rate. How many people in the past 10 years had huge drop dead weddings, only to be divorced 5 to 10 years later? Men see that and they like why bother?

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    • Thats what my boyfriend says. He says the paper doesent mean anything its the love you have in your heart that should mean more. society says if your not married ..... they don't really love you. Hell most entertainment (tv movies print) says a woman should be married and thin. Its what we are tought from birth. Its hard to reprogram your brain from all the propaganda DAMN THE MAN !!!

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    • [Panopticus re. yellow1997] The media propaganda has also said that war was glorious, violence can be entertaining and humour is disrespecting other people - I have never had a problem rejecting all that as brainwashing [grin] I saw people after WWII begging from those they fought for, people mugged and disrespected by those seeing what they might get away with - it is the job of free humans to have our own minds, the only thing we bring to life and take out of it. Off topic, sorry .. but ....

    • After 1 failed marriage I have to agree with your guy friends, and I'm a woman. I don't need a ring thought I would love to have the party, pretty dress and pictures. Maybe I just haven't really fell back in love, but as for now, there's no need for it.

What Guys Said 17

  • This guy thinks something of it! :o)

    Times change and mores change and fashions go in cycles. Whether two people are married or not is up to them in the modern liberal climate but what matters is any children that result from the partnership. When I was little [and I am older than the hills!] the worst way you could insult someone was to tell them they were born out of wedlock ... same went if your parents were divorced in those days.

    We are entering a time when we are going to know how it was for our grandparents and great grandparents who knew what it was like to struggle, the economy has faltered and the gap will be great between the haves and the have nots ... and people will value the security a marriage certificate gives them. In times of less wealth tradition becomes more important and a person who is able to commit to a relationship is considered able to commit to a career. Before I was married I was turned down for positions simply because I was a batchelor .. seems amazing now!

    One stumbling block is that so many people leave education with student debt and the cost of a marriage on top of that is a big factor in the way males think about their future, or at least in my neck of the woods. Many women are left with a child or children and no financial support because the bond sealed before witnesses and a marriage certificate is not there. Admittedly they can be in the same situation with marriage but legal redress and help from friends is always much more forthcoming.

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    • Panopticus here; In addition to the above, I would say that the love that a relationship starts with can be a lot different to the sort of love that sustains it and takes the strain of two ageing people evolving new interests and developing their individual characters. Also the shock of old age! Many men avoid marriage because they want to continue to be individuals and see this as threatened; especially when they hear parents saying they have lost individuality to father and motherhood!

    • You was turned down for positions because you wasn't married??

    • Yes and people still are, Zoom! Even if it is only for the fact that at corporate receptions we have a lady with us or entertaining other corporate people in private .. it is just less obvious these days. Marriage showed that you were the 'complete man' years ago. Things have changed so much! There were quite a few invented engagements at interviews of course! Also before mobile phones who was always on hand at home to take calls that reeled people in to meetings at weekends? Why the Lady Wife!

  • Marriage is simply the most well known symbol for unending commitment (divorce contradicts marriage, if you can divorce then marriage becomes a meaningless symbol). It is only meaningful if both people view in the Marriage view it the same way. It is not necessary if both people have something else they share which symbolises / embodies their commitment together (but most people like something permenent to represent it).

    So, in summary, for me, Marriage is only worth as much as the vaule both partners place in the "institution".

    I believe in commitment, therefore I beleive in marriage.

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  • Thirty years ago, marriage meant everything. It was the goal of absolutely everyone. You were born, went to school, got a job, found a woman, married her, and then had kids. The cycle repeats.

    Now, marriage is worth less than the paper it is printed on because it is so damn easy to get divorced! Hell, one can go as far to say it is almost popular!

    Look at your mother and fathers, how many of them are still together? On their first marriage? How about their second? Third? Fourth?

    It's pathetic how people decide to get married based on nothing, because they know they can always get divorced.

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  • I believe in marriage and I think it's partly attitudes like that are the reason there are so many divorces. I think that once they find someone they would actually consider marrying they might change their mind. It's easy to call something meaningless when its not staring you in the face.

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    • I agree! I don't understand why people rattle of the divorce statistics like they're enviable facts. It's like telling yourself this is going to fail. Why would you set yourself up like that?

  • Given the divorce rate in the US it's not surprising a lot of people don't take it that seriously any more. Still, for many women, marriage provides security, which it doesn't in the same way for guys still.

    For many guys their careers are the most imporant thing, while still for most women their family is the most important thing. That may be changing, but only slowly., as women enter the workforce.

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  • Well, it is scientifically proven that love is slowly replaced with other feelings during the first year of marriage.

    After a year, it is more like "love towards your family" rather than "love towards your girlfriend". It changes some things. She slowly becomes "family", and even if that's good, it may cause one to lose the "boyfriend-girlfriend love" if not balanced properly.

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  • Divorce is a good way for guys to lose half of their stuff. Since a large part of marriages end in divorce, and there is no *real* advantage to marriage, and (because of the divorce thing) a huge potential disadvantage, why do it?

    Maybe guys would think more highly of marriage if it didn't come with such a huge financial risk.

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    • I get what your saying but what about love ?? and the "meaning" of a marriage? Does it mean anything to you as a man ? You think it changes anything

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    • Well marrige is just a socially constructed institution about the showing others your relationship. its more aboutshowing the outside world which is the is irrelevant to the strength of the relationship

    • When my hubby left me for another woman I let him keep everything,including the house that I bought before meeting him...I walked away with $10k and nothing more. When my parents divorced my mom walked away with nothing but her children. Not ALL women are money hungry...sometimes it's the men! If you think it's all about the money then ask her to sign a prenuptial...which means that you lose nothing in case of a divorce. If it's all about the love she'll do it.

  • I do believe in marriage. I like the idea of making it official should it really change your relationship? I don't believe so. You should be as in love as before and as committed. Guys who say they make no difference and don't want to get married make no sense if its not a big deal you would just deal with it to make your girl happy.

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  • I loved being married. I'm in a very promising relationship now and plan on marrying her someday...soon. I hope she says yes, I think she will.

    As a man...I LOVE MARRIAGE!

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  • Infact male and female are two halves in this creation. mythology, sciences, sociology every branch of knowledge reiterates this.

    mating of males and females propogate this creation. had there been no rules of mating there would have been a chaos at the social level.

    to avoid this chaos the societies laid down the rules of marriage. therefore the marriage is a creation of social rules and is not a natural development.

    therefore marriages are convenience tools of society and not of nature. therefore marriages are infact unnatural.

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  • I always will, but I believe it takes hard work.

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  • women want commitment... men can get sex with or without a relationship. women need a piece of paper in order to have a claim on half of a man's belongings in court.

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    • That's kinda rude. When my ex husband left me for another woman I let him keep everything! He got the house that I originally paid for...he had nothing when we met! Most women want to get married because we want the man to prove his love for us...and because some want a different last name then the ones we were born with. lol

    • Ya.. I get what your saying. but I feel that the desire for loving commitment is just a means to an end for most women

  • Biologically, marriage is fail.

    We are wired to reproduce as much as possible.

    That said, I believe in it, yes.

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  • I believe in marriage... it's essential to a functioning, successful society. Personally, I like the idea of a settled, stable relationship with ONE woman. No more dating bullsh*t...

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  • Marriage is for women. It does not benefit men enough for it to be worth their while. For a guy, I see no point in it. Your basically risking half your life savings on a 50/50 chance

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  • I didn't believe it till I fell in love.. I have no illusions of it being easy though..

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  • i think its because men and women believe love two be different things.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I had this conversation with my best guy friend the other day while we were stuck in traffic (kept my mind off being annoyed at the train!). He doesn't really believe in marriage- he said it doesn't really make a whole lot of difference to relationship- bascially the reasons you listed above.He said it's not that he would never get married if that's what the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with truly wanted from him, but he would be just as content to remain common law. Now me, I have a different view of the whole thing, marriage is a kind of logical progression in a relationship to me, a way of making a public commitment and going just one step further in saying we're one-hundred percent committed. For instance, I could never PLAN on starting a family or buying a house with someone I wasn't married to. I'd live with them, rent an apartment or a house, but to me if we're not married then our living situation can't get so permanent either. Now I know, buying a house isn't entirely permanent, you can sell just as with marriage you can divorce, but breaking up and giving a month's notice are much easier done. When he wanted an explanation for WHY I feel that way, I didn't have one other than I'm probably socialized that way so it feels like the right thing for me.

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  • My fiance has always been in the mind set that marriage is unimportant, if it was something I wanted he would do it but it didn't matter either way to him.The only reason he saw to get married besides if I wanted it, was so I could get the same benefits when he joins the military.

    Marriage isn't really necessary to me, as it stands before we were even engaged we referred to each other as husband and wife. We have been living together over a year so we pretty much are married just without the piece of paper, and honestly I don't need a piece of paper to prove how much I love him.

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  • not all ladies need it.

    i can live without getting married but everyone seems to say I will get married someday.

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  • I'm inclined to go with the marriage doesn't mean much any more. Just look at the rate of divorces to see that. How many girls married and single again before 30 and with a couple kids which makes it just that much harder to find another man.

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  • I find it interesting that people are commenting that is a financial risk for just the men. Many women make plenty of money as well, and alimony is not given out like it used to be. If they are counting child support they should not a guy is responsible for his child whether he is married or not. I do believe marriage is important yes people still do leave marriages but I think it is harder then if it was just your boyfriend or girlfriend. I think it makes people work a little harder because it is harder to leave a marriage. I does profess your love of someone too it says I want to spend the rest of my life with you even if they change their mind later they meant it at that moment.

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    • I agree with you ! I would think twice and work at things more if I were married. Its a different level of commitment I think. But as I said in the above comments maybe I have romantic fantasies about marriage ?!?!?

  • One, I don't think it's an important step, because I'll I see it as a piece of paper (no offence, just my opinion) and you're wasting A LOT of money on something that might not even work out. I don't like to make a big deal out of things, unless their important to me. I'm not saying I wouldn't get married, I'm just saying, it'd be simple, and sh*t. That's what I have against it, it's to much money to spend, and it's just a little pointless.

    But just saying, not all girls like marriage, or want it for that matter.

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    • Again, I do believe in marrige, but my parents are divorced, so it's a little hard. I;m really just saying , we spend to much money, and make it a GIANT deal, when (yeah you can still invite friends, family) it's supposed to be personal, and meaningful. Not about the money. I would just want somthing simple, easy, but means alot.

  • I don't believe in marriage but I believe in love. Historically marriage is essentially legalized prostitution- I suppose I'm too conservative for that kind of thing -- marriage ^^

    (plus there is no privacy- for ever)

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    • Legalized prostitution? Like he would pay someone for sex with you?

      I think it's nice to have a man married to me so I won't have to fantasize or worry about society always asking me: Hey why aren't you married? is there something wrong with you?

      privacy? my husband does not go through my stuff (i.e. cell phone texts, facebook etc).

      so I'd have to disagree that it is prostitution and no privacy in marriage

    • No I was sort of joking lol but really I mean a lot of people have this idea that once married its your duty to have sex, I just like to avoid any bodily obligations all together. & It never occurred to me to care if people asked me if I'm married. Growing up I actually thought people don't get married any more.

      'I'm more concerned with following through with my dreams goals and aims & if & when love coms along that's cool but the roof is love not paper - for me. I respect others desire for it :)

  • Marriage means nothing to me.

    Will end in divorce and more problems

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  • yes I believe in marriage

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  • With a good man who will take care of me & my heart? Sure yes!

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  • I do like marriage. It's like declaring to the world that you have a significant other, a best friend, someone to build a life with forever. Yes I am married. We have a very nice life, and we have high hopes of lots of happy times together forever. It has it's ups and downs, but we're just 100% together with the marriage. We feel more like a family and like he is apart of my family and I am apart of his.

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  • Most if not all of my guy friends want to get married. I'm with GIntrovert. I didn't believe in marriage until I knew what love felt like. If you truly believe "in sickness and in health" and "for better or for worse", why not make it official? Why not celebrate that love and that promise to each other?

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  • Sadly I really don't its hard for me to see my self with some one for such a long period of time...it seems sooo unrealistic... and the divoce rate in the US tells the story behind it all ...many people say its because I have never been in love or dated I don't know what it is but I really don't want it!

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