Marriage, just a piece of paper or does it have a deeper meaning?

I have discussed the topic of marriage with my boyfriend and he insists that all it is is a piece of paper. I try telling him it's a sign of commitment and love but he doesn't seem to want to open his mind to the idea in the future. He's never been married, I've never been married but I know I'd love to be with him always, how do I get him to see the bright side of marriage and to lose the negative thoughts on it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If your boyfriend's opinion of marriage was conjured up by his own thoughts, then that's probably what he truly believes.

    However, I suspect that his opinion on marriage is not his own view, and that it was simply something he read online from others who don't want to get married.
    If marriage is "just a piece of paper", why are gays and lesbians fighting so hard for the right to be married? Marriage is a public declaration to friends, family and others that you two are committed to each other.

    I doubt your boyfriend thinks of a married couple with kids the same way as a non-married couple with kids. A non-married couple with kids is usually seen as "Oh, they fucked up and had an accidental baby". This is because when they're not married, people do not view the couple as committed. In everyone's mind, they're just in another relationship that will break down, and then they'll find another bf/gf later.

    For example, when I see my girl buddies with a new boyfriend, I just think..."geez, another one?". If they were married. I wouldn't think the husband is just another fling.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • To me, being in a relationship is being committed to the person you're with now... marrying someone is committing to the person they're gonna be, and being by their side growing and changing with them, as partners, developing into your future selves together.

    In short - a relationship is committing to what you have now. Marriage is committing to the unknown of what you will have in the future.

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    • 3mo

      I like this. <3

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    • 3mo

      Yeah.

      Except something really DOES change, because rituals and ceremonies affect people very, very deeply. (Even non-human animals have rituals -- some other species actually bury their dead, even putting themselves at risk of exposure to predators/rivals in doing so.)

      The biggest problem is that most people look at the marriage ritual as just one thing that happens once. If it becomes something more regular -- in the same way as a pledge of allegiance, or a religious profession of faith -- then it can bond two people together more strongly than anything secular could.

      I wrote about that in my opinion here:
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2083318-does-marriage-still-have-a-place-in-the-modern-world

      But, yeah, this is a nice addition to that as well.
      It's in the vows already (for better or for worse, til death do us part), but, not enough people think consciously enough, or often enough, about the meaning of those vows.

      Fun fact -- My husband and I

    • 3mo

      actually took "till death do us part" out of our vows. Because even if one of us dies, that *still* isn't enough to sever the bond.
      Our inspiration there is my father, who still wears his ring 24/7 and still refers to himself as "married" -- never as "widowed" -- even though my mother has been gone for more than 39 years. (Whatever black magic that woman had, I sure hope I got it...)

What Guys Said 16

  • No, not "just a piece of paper". It is also a significant tax writeoff.
    But seriously, it is a much much deeper emotional connection then 2 people that are just dating or living together. If your just living together it is a lot easier to just walk away. I see people that say "it is just a piece of paper" as having commitment issues. While I think it is important to live with someone before marriage (something I did not do the 1st time around), if marriage isn't going to happen, then the relationship is over.

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  • When it became easy to separate and divorce, marriage ceased to have a long term meaning. It a nice romantic idea, making a commitment, getting married, and staying together forever. The reality is that it is all too easy for it to fail. The more you put into the meaning of marriage, the more pain will be felt if it does go wrong.

    I think you will have your work cut out to convince him, so don't bank on it. You might not like his response

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    • 3mo

      I always thought divorce ead much harder than marriage. Marriage is only one piece of paper, divorce is fighting and ugly and emotionally draining. And EXPENSIVE..

    • 3mo

      @nala_rawr The main point is marriage is not a guarantee that the relationship is maintainable. It is not a guarantee of fidelity. It is not a guarantee it will last. So why get married and have expectations that may not hold. You are right. Divorce is expensive and acrimonious.

      Marriage is like looking at the world through rose tinted glasses. Fine until it all goes wrong.

    • 3mo

      I completely agree!!! I think some people want marriage bc its "comforting"... but that's not what I meant...

  • Honestly, marriage is just a bonus to me. I don't really care for the religious parts, so to me it would just be a big ceremony. Nothing wrong with that of course, you get to slow dance and do all kinds of romantic things, and I would definitely do it if my girl wanted to. But in my opinion, what's really important isn't a "piece of paper", what's really important is the love, for it is love that pulls us through, that conquers all, and lasts into eternity.

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  • Marriage has deeper meaning for women. It means they have access to reach deeper into a man's pocket and he can't do anything about it. It means she can kick him to the curb the moment she gets bored with him and she will be rewarded with cash and prizes. She will continue to be paid by him even as she is off riding the cock-carousel to find a new host to leech from.

    For men, marriage is one-sided contract. We take all of the risk, hoping for a benefit that rarely materializes. It's a dying tradition that needs to die sooner.

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  • You're right and he's wrong. It's about commitment and love and cooperation. It's about legitimizing children and property ownership and a gazillion other things.

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  • If you're religious, marriage actually has a lot of meaning. Other than that, it serves some legal functions but that's about it. He may be hesitant to commit to marriage but give yourself (and don't tell him) a day in the future that you'll no longer wait for him and if he isn't interested in marrying by then, just leave because he's going to waste your time. If he loved you more than anything, he wouldn't have such trouble committing.

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  • to me it's about way more than a piece of paper. in fact the piece of paper is rather inconsequential.

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  • i's not a piece of paper... it's the bond between 2 persons

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  • pre nup :p
    srsl marriage is worse for men
    if it fails you lose your kids half your stuff and stuck paying support even if she doesn't have kids
    you would say i would never do that to him and we will make our marriage work but dear people change specially with money
    marriage is suicide for men

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  • It has a very deep meaning for me it's far more then a piece of paper.

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  • Use to mean something but nowadays with people getting divorced in < 5years.. it's a joke.

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    • 3mo

      People getting divorced doesn't mean marriage is meaningless.
      It means that people are not choosing their relationships wisely.

      With dating apps like Tinder, where you choose your one-night-stand purely based on attractiveness, many relationships of millenials are shallow and skin deep. There's no development of the relationship before jumping in the sack for some sex, and then the excitement of a new relationship can move quickly into marriage before either of them has time to actually evaluate the other person as a partner.

      If you're a homebuilder and all your homes fall apart, it doesn't mean houses are useless. It means your foundation is weak.

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    • 3mo

      I had two kids with a man I was engaged to for 8 years. I had every intention on marrying this man but after our second child he changed, he drank more, he was gone at night more, he put his hands on me one time and after that I left. I never planned in having a family and breaking it up but people change and I wasn't willing to accept his behavior or have my children grow up in the same environment. I don't feel I was stupid at all for making that choice. I'm a good woman, I know my self worth, I know what I want and I know I won't settle for anything less. I have a good man in my life right now, I know if worth and that's why I'd love to marry him. I just hope someday he will be a little more opened minded to the idea.

    • 3mo

      Well your situation was the exception. It's better to leave a physical/emotionally abusive relationship. Glad it's better for you know.

  • He knows that if you ever divorce a marrage he's likely screwed.
    However marriage is a serious commitment, and gives many legal benefits.

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  • Well your boyfriend is right.

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  • To me I see it as just a piece a paper that the government uses to keep track of you.

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    • 3mo

      Well u juz haven't found this Asian boi right here yet so u can't juz say that about Asian boi but sure western men are juz papers. Not the REAL deal like the Asian boi u see right here 👌🏼

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    • 3mo

      Asian went to live under a geodude due to the pokemon epidemic lately. 😔
      Do u still have Biana's kik?

  • Modern marriage is a deeply feminazi affair...

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  • It has a meaning but if you get married to your boyfriend and divorce then he'll lose most of his assets and I don't think he wants that.

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What Girls Said 7

  • If there's any chance with a boy like this, it's through the avenue of an awesome sex life. You tie the idea of commitment together with mind-blowing sex, and use those 2 ideas together to help defeat the barriers in his mind.

    You start off slow, by just ramping up the amount of eye contact during sex. Especially when he finishes inside you. You lock yr eyes on his, even if it means physically grabbing his face with yr hands.

    Then, more passionate kissing during sex. Working up to whispering "I'm yours" to him when he's finishing, and then grabbing him and giving him the most passionate kiss of his life while he finishes cumming inside you.

    Then you graduate from "I'm yours" up to "I'm yours *forever*", "I'm yours for life", etc.

    This, you can then use as an invitation into the bedroom -- take his hand, and give him yr most seductive voice, "Come make me yours".
    You can alternate this with "Come make love to me", just to get his ears used to hearing the word "love" out of yr mouth.

    This is where the big-league games start to be played ahahah.
    Start wearing lingerie to bed -- WHITE lingerie. Bit by bit. Don't say anything explicit at first -- just get him used to seeing you in white.
    Bet the result is better than you think.
    Don't rush it. Baby steps. If you sense resistance, back off a little bit, but don't give up.

    See if you can build up to the point where you're basically wearing full wedding lingerie to bed with him, on a regular basis.

    Have him take some super nasty photos of you, in those little outfits. Send them to him as little "reminders", at random times.

    If you're good enough at reading him -- If you can sense that he's starting to get open to the idea, then, when he's finishing inside you, hit him with things like "Make me yr wife"... "Marry me HARD"... etc.

    __

    ahah my husband and I were both pretty anti-commitment and anti-marriage at the outset... and, now, I have 2 extra wedding dresses just for the bedroom (that we've altered to make them extra slutty).
    I have a bunch of selfies in those dresses on my phone, with the middle two fingers of my wedding hand down my throat, and I'll just randomly send my husband sexts every now and then... "Come slam yr commitment down my throat, boy..." "Throw me on the floor and marry me hard, boy..." "Marry me all over again..."
    ahahah NEVER gets old.

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  • Marriage is between two people, you and your spouse. It is not a piece of paper or a ring. It is far deeper than that. But it is also a hard road to take. You have to already love each other in your hearts. The certificate is just for legal matters or else you would find a person who is illegally married to you or you find a person married to another person [a bigamist] or they may attempt polygamy. It is a serious and major step in life that is often expected in most cultures.

    If he doesn't want to get married to you for whatever reason you don't need to get married to him or be with him. If he doesn't want to change his mind then you have a problem. That means your going to have to find somebody else who shares the same goals and expectations as you do. He doesn't share the same future as you. He's content as he is. Especially if your already sexually active with him and living with him now. Your raising your risk of divorce already without you even knowing it. Its tough. I'm sorry, but thats the person you have now. You'll just have to keep looking if marriage is what you really want. Because the more you pressure him for it, it becomes manipulative, and then he will get the ring and marry you out of spite because its what YOU want, but its not what he wants. Or if this gets out of hand, he may break up with you on bad terms.

    So you have a LOT to think about. This is something you should have thought about years ago. But this is your choice. But marriage is FAR beyond a piece of paper. Trust me. If it wasn't, then why is divorce so damaging to everybody involved? Why people cry their heart out, be ready to kill themselves or commit suicide? I guess their crazy right? Its that serious. It is a physical and spiritual manner. Thats why there is a report that 22% of divorcees feel regret within 5 years of divorce. Once again, you need to serious ask yourself if this is this kind of person you need to be married to. Not just want, but NEED. Best Regards.

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  • Well, u just have to TELL him the bright sides, let him know hoe much it means to u and hoe important I think it is. Let him know that its something u really want. Just be honest about hie it makes u feel...
    And of its "only a piece of paper" then hr shouldn't have a problem with signing it just for ur happiness...

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  • To me it is deeper. It is having the same last name and being a family. It is a gesture towards the person you love, that you will forever stay with them, no matter what.

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  • For me it has a deeper meaning. Regular relationships can't compare if you ask me.

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  • Marriage is a piece of paper that's magically suppose to make everything better.

    I don't see how a relationship changes just by getting married. If two people love each other, isn't that enough?

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  • I agree with your boyfriend. Marriage is just paper, rings, and a ceremony. If marriage was so sacred then why do so many end in divorce? Why do so nany married couples cheat?

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    • 3mo

      The fact that other people don't take it seriously, marry for the wrong reasons, or don't respect their commitment doesn't make it mean any less for me.

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    • 3mo

      @Sara413 If I ever meet a guy that I'm into who wants to get married then I'll do it for him. I honestly don't care if I get married or not. If a person loves you and is committed to you then they'll stick with you with or without a ring and a piece of paper. If I meet a guy that also doesn't care about marriage then thag would be great because I have no interest in spending thousands of dollars on a wedding that I don't care about.

    • 3mo

      That's fair.

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