How much space should I give my fiancé?

I have been with my fiancé for 7 years now. We are getting married this month so I feel like this issue has to be solved now or never. Growing up in my family the men always came home from work and spent lots of time at home and with their wife. Our relationship is just not like that and he insists I am being emotionally abusive and taking away all his free time.

Most days we are both home from work by 5pm and he typically goes out with a friend to workout/get some exercise from about 6p-9p. They skateboard or whatever. When he gets home he likes to relax by watching tv and playing on his phone. His best friend is our roommate so he will join us most of the evening (we cannot afford our house without a roommate). At this point I've been sitting around the house for hours and I want to talk/hangout but he's wants alone time because he's been at work/out with friends. This almost always starts an argument that I'm too emotional.

Then on the weekends I want to cuddle & sleep in together, spend hours together etc. I feel like I haven't seen him all week since we are so busy but he says he's seen me everyday! The weekends are his "me time" and I need to respect his boundaries. He insists on the weekends he gets the living room to himself in the evenings and he sleeps on the couch. He falls asleep on the couch randomly throughout the week too. I just feel like I'm trapped alone in a relationship...

Shouldn't you get attention from your fiancé/soon to be husband almost every day? At this point I just feel we should be spending much more time with each other than friends seeing as I'm 24 and he's 23. A mans place is at home with his family not out with friends and sleeping on the couch. I'm not saying don't go out with friends but I feel this should be more of a 1-2 times a week thing. Am I nuts to expect a couple hours a day of attention dedicated to me/us? It has ruined our sex life and I hate that I have become so bitter and angry about this.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • We are witnessing a gradual slip from family values.

    At one time not too long ago 40's-50's the "home" centered around the family.
    Dad worked 5 days a week, mom looked after the house and kids and almost every weekend was an adventure for the whole family. Sunday morning always meant church for the parents and Sunday school for the children. That was a typical American family then.

    If you live in a typical American subdivision these days look up and down the street on Sunday morning. You see a few neighbors mowing lawns, some doing BBQ, most cars are parked in the driveway. Some are headed off to work. These are different times and different values which have gradually time shifted to what you see now.

    The whole point to my opinion is that "the family" is not what it was but morphed into a scattered unit of activity with little sense of community.

    The OP has one sense of family value while her SO has a different sense of family value. Neither person is wrong, but both under one roof are incompatible.

    Just my opinion

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What Guys Said 3

  • I just read your whole story and I have to agree with everything you said here.

    Although I have never been in such type of a relationship but it does seem that he values his friends and freedom more then you- hence why the invention of a bachelor/ bachelorette parties to calm that nerve.

    There could be a thousand ways to look at this, but he might seem too comfortable where he takes your relationship for granted that it will always going to be there. that you are going to stay no matter what he does cause he is been there for so long. Even my parents would agree with you has my dad goes out once a week for poker, mom gets alone time, and they have been married for 26 years.

    Further more, being overly emotional just might mean he, again, is so comfortable that your joy is pushed to the side for your wants and needs. And if you do confront him in anyway, he might think you have " bridezilla syndrome", and just coax you back in to calmer feelings because when you have a lot feelings that come into play it's like you have no real ground to stand and to the other person it's easier to position to concrete facts.

    Nobody likes the ultimatum but you do have a serious choice to make and it is hard to see from any ones visual perceptive that you are making the right choice because it can all be blamed on the wedding planning etc.

    I suggest that tell him in the calmest way you can- not emotion nor anger or rise from comments- that we need to seriously re think this relationship before marrying each other and wanting to call divorce three weeks later. And if he says your over emotional and not taking you seriously, then leave and don't look back.

    Marriage does not change people, it's just a continuation of what your relationship is now.

    Just as An addendum, before my parents did get married my grandfather went to each of them and put keys to the car on there table and said " no one will blame you if you did." It was just a test of faith of being married but a powerful jester.

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  • No, you are not nuts at all. You've been engaged to a boy for 7 years. I don't foresee any changes happening because of a ceremony and a document.

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  • your not nuts or anything like that, its normal, just tell him that you want to spend some hours, cuddling and having some romance with him

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