Not wanting a wedding?

I know it's awhile from now, but if I were to get married (I'm neutral on marriage), I would not want a wedding. It just seems like some big event to put a bunch of people who haven't seen you in awhile and don't know other people and they all just kinda awkwardly mingle.

I'd just rather celebrate my relationship privately with my new spouse then maybe throw a small party (all super casual) for the people who have made a difference and supported the relationship. Everyone else can find out on the Christmas card lol.

Anyways I've been critized for wanting to be married but not wanting a wedding. Are my thoughts that far out there?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • naw... not sure why you invited me to share, you likely know how i feel about marriage.. but hey, i support any marriage that doesn't include me ;)

    i think you're wise in your approach-this is about an intimate relationship, why should the ceremony be a big show off event? don't get a pricey diamond ring either-that's a racket that only fools fall for. get something special for your rings, be individuals

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    • 2mo

      Sorry I just invited everyone out of habit. I don't like rings and it's just asking to get lost so I'd do something way more personal if I do ever get married. Thanks for the input!

    • 2mo

      no problem :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Terribly Expensive, Way Over rated and Many times Down the Love Line... Divorce May come their way.
    Of course, it is Far Off from now, and you never know, you may Change your mind, where your Hunny Bunny and his own Family, would Want a Cinderella Wedding, Glass shoe with Ball and All.
    Good luck and Mature Outlook, @KittieCat xx

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    • 2mo

      Thanks for the Like, hun. xx

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      You're welcome! <3

    • 2mo

      :)) xxoo

What Guys Said 14

  • Having been married twice, and having attended more weddings than I could possibly count, I have a few thoughts on this.

    On one hand, there is often strong societal pressure to conform to its norms -- and that includes all the aspects of the typical wedding. Some feel more compelled to follow those norms. I find most of them silly and don't wish to contort my life to the desires or expectations of others.

    On the other hand, there are so many sad things in life. Many people in my family I have seen more in the past decade at funerals than at joyful celebrations. It would be nice to celebrate together some times too.

    Also on that other hand, I have come to recognize that although the bride and groom (or groom and groom, bride and bride ;)) are the two main parties to the contract of marriage, that our community -- our friends, families and neighbors -- also both have a role to play in helping the marriage survive, and value to be gained by the marriage succeeding. I understand now what I never did before: that weddings are large events because marriages both effect and are effected by the larger community.

    If you don't want a wedding, don't have a wedding. Or have one that is *your* style. But do recognize that family, friends and community have played a role in your life to date, and will play a role after your wedding too.

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  • That's what I did also. The status driven wedding go-into-debt paradigm didn't appeal to me.

    Of course, neither of us had family who could have paid for a lot of it!!!

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  • Good for you! I have been with my "wife" for 18 years. We are not legally married, but live common-law. We also think weddings are complete waste of money. We have both been involved in friends and family weddings to know who much bullshit they can be. Most weddings are nothing more than a contest to see how much money you can spend on an over exuberant party that everyone else gets to enjoy but you! We think the money spend for that 12 hour party is a complete waste that would be better spent towards the down payment for a house or furniture for your first house or something that you can actually hold on to. Once that wedding is over, it is just a memory at that point. Material possessions can last a lifetime and be shared with family and friends over and over too. Not only that, but given the divorce rate, why would anyone spend that kind of money and gamble in the first place!!!

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  • Instead of making it a big wedding and throwing huge amount of money for one night, why not invite people that you would really like to invite and are good in terms with, the special guests that you invite some of them who are personally closer to you, you can invite them home for dinner and then call it a day off.

    People waste every year huge amount of money for one night, it's all about egos, how many guests in order to showcase, it looks less like a marriage ceremony and more like a weekly fashion show.

    It's your wedding, you have the right to chose who you want to invite and whom you don't.

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  • I think the only person whose opinion matters is the person who you will marry. They will be the one who this will affect the most. As long as they feel the same way then it should be okay. Now your family and your future spouses family may not like it. But they aren't the ones getting married it's your wedding. I think a personal wedding like that would be nice because you get to be with the one you love.

    Could you answer my question.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2112691-was-i-wrong-to-ask-for-the-money-back

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  • pretty much the same as you. but if my girl wants a big wedding... then I'd still do it

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  • girls want wedding to show off with the money of their fiance

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  • I honestly agree with you. I'd do it with the close people who me and her hold close to heart. and that is it

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  • You should be authentic to yourselves (meaning you together with him make the call), because this is your life, not anyone else's. You are good enough to throw a small party to celebrate it. But people who criticized you just want you to have a unique and unforgettable experience of a lifetime, maybe you can think about their advice :)

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    • 2mo

      I'm not saying I'm not good enough I just dislike it. There is nothing unique about the big white wedding. My idea would be unique and would be unforgettable. Stress, a lot of money, and social awkwardness doesn't make a good wedding or start to a marriage to me.

    • 2mo

      Yeah you got a good point. Then just go with your own choice! A small party can be awesome!!

  • Your kid or whatever family member getting married is akin to prom for teens. It's a special moment that many would be bothered to miss.

    But if you are the one getting married, it's up to you and the person you are marrying how you go about it.

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  • I can understand that. I can remember how busy both my older siblings were when they had their weddings.

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  • It's ultimately your decision, not others. What you want, is your thing. If others say differently, then that shows that they do not want to live the high life and want you to be miserable

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  • get married in a court of law then.

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What Girls Said 17

  • I'm in the same boat as you.
    I do want to get married in the future, but I'd prefer to have a very small 'ceremony' with just our closest friends/family involved. I wouldn't really care if other people know (which they probably would through word of mouth) but huge ceremonies just seem like an unnecessary hassle with a huge amount of expenses that don't sound too desirable to me.

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  • A lot of people nowadays don't even want to get married and no one seems to criticise them so I don't know why people are criticising you for not wanting a wedding but still wanting to get married. It's your choice in the end so try to surround yourself with people who will support your life choices and who won't criticise you like that.

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  • Even if I wanted to have a small wedding my parents would not agree lol. It has do be decently big, plus if people find out that I'm married and didn't invite they would be offended back home, that's why our weddings have 1000+ guest even people you never heard of lol xD
    I think that you're not the only who wants a small wedding though, many people prefer small weddings and it's more common in western countries to have small private weddings! :)

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  • I"m like this ish! I don't really want a wedding but instead have a getaway party with my partner and all my mates and just celebrate the love lol.

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  • That's very different to me lol, but I don't think that's strange :) You do you, and stick by your opinions regardless of the criticism. Tbh, I think traditionally most females are the ones that want the 'big white weddings' so your future SO may very well not be bothered by you not wanting a wedding at all, in fact, he may welcome it!

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    • 2mo

      When I was little I dreamed of big white weddings, then I went to a few 😂 It was nice but there was a level of social uncomfortableness that I wasn't keen on.. Not to mention it's stressful and expensive so I'd rather save everyones time and expense but they are quite the event

    • 2mo

      Very valid reasoning :)

  • I don't card about marriage, if I did get married I wouldn't tell others. Reason is due to how personal it would feel. So it would be extremely awkward with other people.

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  • Yes. I had a wedding anyway even though i wanted vegas and elvis. My ex said I'd regret no wedding. I regret marrying him instead haha

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  • My moms the same way. you're not weird for that.

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  • I am completely at your wavelength.

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  • Yeah, I'm the same. I'd want a wedding, but I'd have a strict guess list. Practically only my close family, his family and our friends.

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  • You don't have to have a big wedding, but I think something is better than nothing. I just want a really pretty designer white dress - i mean not a normal wedding dress, just a designer white dress - a few friends and family at the service with a meal at a nice hotel or restaurant afterwards. That's all, just small, but memorable. Then go away for a lovely honeymoon. I think a wedding needs to be celebrated in some way... but in a small sophisticated way, not these huge weddings that are just a big party.

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  • Same here.. Wedding represent most of the things I hate: uncomfortable clothes, annoying relatives, waste of good food and waste of money. My plan is to semi elope, as in do a small non wedding ceremony with close family and friends. 100 people tops,

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  • If you don't want to, you don't have to. A wedding is for enjoying yourself and be able to remember it. There's plenty of other ways to do that! :) and if you enjoy something else, that would be more helpful to you! :D

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  • The simple the wedding, the better

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  • i understand what you want here and i totally agree

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  • Love the idea

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  • That actually sounds pretty good. Less stress and pressure. I'll keep that in mind myself :)

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