Has anyone Mutually Divorced?

Yes I am tired of being married. I have been in my relationship for over ten years. I wanted a family and my wife can not have children after doctor gave us news we can not. I went to a counselor to sort out all of my issues. I have in the past two years been exercising and taking care of my body. Making friends to ease the tension and hanging out with them. My wife does not take care of herself meaning her health. She was in decent shape when we met. Now she has diabetes from not taking care of her self. She is recently on this kick since her friend is having a baby spending money on her needs. She always helped others I don't have a issue with it as long as we can afford it. About four years ago. I realized I don't love her. Major things is she let herself go and now has diabetes. Critical, puts friends before our responsibilities in our home or marriage. Lately when I talk to her. Her phone is more important. So I checked the history on her phone and nothing unusual. Outside of her getting jumpy when I reach for her phone sometimes. So that means she is hiding something. I bring it up and she says nothing is going on. I always trust my gut feeling and something is off. I work a lot and long hours to provide and she works to. I help with the marathon of chores around the home on my days off which I feel that most of those chores should already be done while I put in long hours. We date and go out as well. I don't get excited about going home. I get asked out by girls at the gym and I tell them I am married. We have become the odd couple. She is more interested in friends, her phone and not taking care of the responsibilities. I miss dating. Which we do its just not the same. I go home and I try to talk to her but the book, phone or girlfriend is more important. I feel like a utility more than a husband to her.

Has anyone ever gotten a divorce because each person has mutually grown apart?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you handled this wrong on both ends. You got dealt a blow and retreated into your shells. You said.. hmm, the marriage can't be what I want so fuck it. And you both became self centered and stopped sharing.

    You don't trust your wife. But why should she trust you? You look at her phone without her knowing. That is a violation of trust. And it's wrong and you can't justify it.

    It's really easy to just give up. But if you do that enough in life you will never have anything real. You don't say for better or worse and cross your fingers it's always better.. you can count on the worse, it comes for everyone eventually.

    Try to find ways to communicate. Be vulnerable to her.. tell you're hurting and why. Talk about the scary things. Isn't that what makes you fall in love in the first place? Showing someone your whole heart? Maybe you stopped doing that.

    If you work on fixing the foundation the other stuff can get better. But if you just give up you will be starting all over again. And it might be lonelier than you expect.

    If you need to that eventually anyway.. okay. But try first. For the people who once said I do and counted on YOU to work through things like this.

    • I see this from your view as well... Some of it... I don't want to throw away ten years. I have tried to tell her but the fine definition of her blowing me off in those conversations. Are those communications where I talk about those scary things and being vulnerable. I am covering my ass checking on her because no one man or woman deserves to be blind sided. She should not have an issue with me checking her phone at all if she has nothing to hide. I have no reason for her not to trust me. Their are red flags and I don't like it. If their is nothing to find on her phone she will be ok with it.

    • Show All
    • No its not Immaterial if it is happening in the present. Lets just agree to disagree on the right of covering my own ass and not letting someone take advantage of me. I appreciate the additional advice. Its worth trying.

    • I'm just telling you right now.. as someone outside the situation who can see the forest through the trees.. getting accusatory will shut down any productive conversation. Especially when you're working with suspicions, not facts. But good luck to you.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Plenty of people do, in fact, most marriage's end this way these days. The rate of Divorce is nearly 60% in some areas.

    If the both of you do not want to work on your relationship, it's basically over, however if you choose to work on things and stay married professional help is highly recommended.

    Make sure you get a well reviewed and successful marriage counselor if you decided to keep things together, so many bad ones out there.

    Also stop blaming her and take personal responsibility, she was your choice and now you two have some serious decisions to make.

    Life is to short to be miserable, and make each other miserable.

    Good luck to you


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Yes sort of actually my boyfriend had not necessarily a messy divorce but both of them though it was best, I don't know much about it but I'm sure it was fine until the lawyer really got involved and persuaded her to ask for more.

  • I would watch out in the divorce courts. So many horror stories, but if you research you may be able to find a way to minimize damage.

  • Move on. You only have one life. Why waste it being unhappy?

  • Don't know of anyone who has


What Guys Said 1

  • i haven't personally but i know people who have. if two people realize that they have grown apart a mutual and amicable divorce can certainly happen.