How to fix debts if one person has a lot before marriage?

I have a quite a large bit of debt, however my bills are all within my range for what I bring home every month. She wants to get a home in the future and children, however I explained to her that will be hard with all that I'm paying for each month. I have asked her to manage my money in order to help me have money left over to pay more off. She has no idea of the term Debt, so it is hard for her to understand my situation, and also harder for her to grasp of a plan in order to achieve those goals of a house and children. I'm not asking her to pay my bills at all, I want to look at it as a team to develop a plan, but she believes since I created it I need to take care of it, but the reality of it is; that would take years. I'm looking for advice on what to ask her, or if anyone has been in this situation what they did . I'm willing to work toward our goals and I love her for her and don't want this to come between us. We are having this talk way before we get married because it burdens me and I do NOT want to get into the I and YOU point of view


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What Girls Said 1

  • OMG if I met a guy with tons of debt I would ask him how did that happen! I mean what put him in debt? Maybe he's got some abuse issues (gambling, substance use etc.) that he is not telling me about. If she doesn't have any idea of the term "debt", why would you trust her with your money anyway?

    First let her know how it happened and why it will not happen again.

    Ask her if she's willing to give up certain everyday luxuries (different people have different kinds) in order to plan for you to be debt free. Also, assure her that you're NOT taking off once your debt is paid and then leave her with a kid or two in her lap. That kind of behavior is just not right.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Is your girlfriend very young or just doesn't understand? I would continue with what you are currently doing and just try to settle all matters of debt first, remind her of how easier things could come to you and her if she just let you work the debts off. I understand that you don't want her to pay your debts off for you, however, it seem you want to "look at it as a team to develop?"

    Im only getting that you want somebody else to help you pay off your bebts which is your own agenda. Talk about it with her and try and find a common view on how you should work these debts off, either with her help or not.

    As I'm sure your aware off, just keep things as they are until the debt is worked off and everything will be fine and will stay clear of the "I and YOU" point of view.

    Good Luck

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