Do you believe in divorce?

I don't believe in divorce. Apparently the divorce rate in America is up to 50% now.. crazy. Almost makes me not want to get married.

Also, have you been divorced?

  • Yes
    29% (33)31% (41)30% (74)Vote
  • No
    20% (22)26% (34)23% (56)Vote
  • No, only if something really bad happens (cheats, is abusive, etc)
    51% (57)43% (57)47% (114)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Divorce exists whether we believe in it or not.
    Divorce is actually decreasing by the way. It peaked when women were first entering the workplace and no longer had to depend on their husbands. They could escape shitty marriages. I wrote a paper in sociology about it last year.

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    • 1mo

      Hmm interesting we just talking about it in psych today. Maybe the book we use is a few years old

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    • 1mo

      @redeyemindtricks yeah i know this is probably bad because its stereotyping in a way, but thats one of the first things I look at. If their parents aren't together, its a huge red flag for me

    • 1mo

      That does make divorce statistically a lot more likely, yeah.

      It's not inevitable -- and *certain* people can emerge from that sort of situation having learned all the right lessons, and none of the wrong ones -- but... yeah, yr reasoning there is actually well-founded.
      Unfortunately so.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I believe there are situations where it is better for you and your children to separate. Having come from a broken home and seeing my mom in more than one unhappy relationship I can say that without a shadow of a doubt.

    People fall out of love, they become toxic for one another, so why deny yourselves the right to part and find happiness elsewhere? Why put your children through the constant fights, or in many cases abuse, that comes with two miserable people refusing to separate?

    It's not logical.

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What Guys Said 77

  • Do I believe in divorce? Yes, it is real! :)

    I have been divorced but I did not want the divorce and I did not file it. If you make a solemn promise to devote yourself to your partner and your marriage, you don't run away when you encounter problems; you stay and work on them. . . together!

    However, if your partner does not want to be married to you, one person can't save a marriage, regardless of how hard you try. I stayed for 15 y ears trying to salvage our marriage and it didn't work. If your partner really wants a divorce, there is nothing you can do to prevent them from getting a divorce.

    All of this means that you should choose a spouse VERY carefully!

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    • 1mo

      Exactly and have been through it the same way you did

    • 1mo

      agree with OlderAndWiser.

      I don't believe it. But it happens.

  • I don't know that I don't "believe" in divorce, I think sometimes it's the right option for couples rather than being miserable. What I take issue with is people being in such a hurry to get married to the point where it blinds them from making sound decisions. I think we're so socially programmed (especially young women, from the time they're children) to expect this "biggest day of our life", compounded with the usual rush of strong feelings you get early on in a successful (so far) relationship, plus some people really want to get on with having children, and that all clouds people's judgement and makes people say RIDICULOUS things like "I know it's only been four months, but he's/she's my soulmate!"

    I've been with my girlfriend almost ten years now. We're not married, we're not even engaged. When she tells other women that... LOOK OUT, haha. "Giiiiirrrrrlllllll, you need to tell him to put a ring on it or pack his shit and get out!" And we just laugh at that. Some of the same people who say that, in the 9+ years my girlfriend and I have been in a loving and committed relationship, have met people, dated, gotten engaged, married, had a baby or two, and divorced, all in that time span... and they're telling us we need to hurry up and get married. Hysterical.

    The whole idea is just dangerously flawed. Not marriage per se, but the timing of it. I mean, most people want kids, and there's a finite amount of time for a woman to bear children, I get that. My girlfriend and I aren't having kids, so we admittedly have that luxury of not being pressed for time. But so many people I think are also just scared to end up alone, so the first time they feel something strong for someone they just lunge for it rather than see how it plays out for a while. Your new gf/bf is usually always awesome the first year. Holler at me in seven years or so, after you've heard every story they have to tell, after every small idiosyncrasy seems amplified, after you know what they're going to say before they even say it and it makes you want to wring their neck, haha. My girlfriend has this uncanny ability to show up and/or break silence at the exact moment of my favorite part of a song, my favorite line of a movie, an important moment in a ballgame after there's been like three minutes of commercials when she could have said it... drives me NUTS. But I love her to death, even the negatives in a way. That's REAL. Not "omg, she let me put my P in her V, she's so hot, I think I love her, guys!" (Continued)

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    • 1mo

      I always want to ask people if they're ready for the bad shit. Not just "oh, Bob got laid off, things are kind of tight right now", I'm talking about "The doctor says the tumor is malignant and Bob has a year or less to live", or "Jenny got t-boned by a Mack truck, she'll be in a wheelchair for life and will need constant and intensive care." Real life, worst case scenario shit... are you still down? Are you still soulmates when you can't take trips to the beach in the summer, or go apple picking in September, and all the other happy horseshit? That's what people need to ask themselves. THAT is what true love is, not lust and/or fascination with someone whose shine hasn't worn off them yet.

      Bottom line is, I think marriage is fine, people just need to make more educated decisions and stop rushing it. A lot of divorces are just "would-be" breakups with a shit-ton of paperwork, but everyone flew in blind because they think life is a Hugh Grant movie. If you're gonna do it, DO IT.

  • well a positive note is that divorce rates are lower than they were in the 70s, 80s and 90s per capita. that's a good sign. at the same time marriage rates are down. this would suggest that people are making better decisions about whether or not to get married (like if marriage is for them or whatever).

    I guess i wonder what you mean do i believe in it? i don't like it. i don't want it for myself and hope everyone in marriages can be happy but i would never suggest people can't get divorced if they feel compelled. little good comes out of two people staying together and being unhappy.

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  • Actually, it's 53% in the USA. But hey, it could be worse. It's 71% in Belgium. And in spite of it being a country with Sharia Law where people can be killed for converting from Islam- or more likely, because of this- the Maldives' divorce rate is the highest in the world, more than three times higher than the USA, but its marriage:divorce ratio is only 60%, because its marriage rate is also so much higher than usual. An inevitable result of what you get when you criminalize sex before marriage...

    records.com/.../Divorce-Rate-By-Country.png

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  • I believe in the rescission of a contract. I believe that antagonistic parties should not be compelled to work together. Now, the parties can either continue to "exist" and drag out a slow death of their relationship, or they can take what time they have left in their life and try to find happiness.

    Prior to "no fault," "divorce" was just another word for "breach of contract." One party "breached" the implied covenant of "good faith" that attaches to any contract - the marital contract included.

    With the introduction of "no fault," what the 49 states that have adopted that system have basically said is that people should be free to determine their own life's course. The courts are not going to "force" two people to stay together if those two people don't voluntarily want to continue to stay together. The courts are going to "enforce" the other terms of the marital contract, prior to declaring the marital contract dissolved, but will not "force" two people to stay together when that's not what at least one of them wants to do.

    In other words, "Commitment" means "for as long as we continue to voluntarily wish to remain together." Thus, the "marital contract" has simply become what Californians call a "put option." If the rest of the relationship is going to shit, then you have given your spouse the "option" to "cash out" by "forcing you to buy them out of the marital relationship with the assistance of the court." That's a very accurate description of divorce in both substance and form.

    Would you ever give me the "legal right" to take half of the wealth you've accumulated throughout your lifetime, and an unknown dice roll number of years' worth of your annual gross income, whenever I simply don't feel like associating with you anymore?

    That's kind of crazy, right?

    Sure, unless you have no plans of working just as many hours as I do, and making just as much per hour as I do, and would actually prefer to stay at home and take care of children because, "this work thing just isn't really for me, I've tried it and I don't like it." THEN, marriage is a sweet deal, and we can see evidence of that based on which sex is desperately eager to get married, and which sex is reluctant or vehemently opposed to getting married.

    Just follow the money.

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  • Just belief?

    Yes, I do believe in divorce and that is one of the ways to end a relationship like marriage. It helps you come out of an unhealthy, loveless marriage.

    No, I have always been single and I am never going to get married so that question doesn't apply to me.

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  • I believe in divorce. I don't think anyone should just go through the motions or be unhappy just for the sake of keeping a marriage intact. We only have one life to live.

    However I think many people either give up to easily or didn't realize they or their partner, wasn't ready for marriage or spouse material.

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  • Marriage is important to me and I am only going to marry the right person and discuss all types of scenarios before making the right decision to wed. Because marriage is forever. But if it's not right then I would rather not marry because I am pro marriage and divorce is not an option. We said 'until DEATH due us part'.

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    • 1mo

      Only thing divorce is appropriate for is if the woman sleeps with another man and ESPECIALLY if she gets impregnated by another man. But that would also be my fault because I didn't keep her and was foolish enough to marry a bitch.

  • Well.. it happens all around you. You'd have to be blind not to believe it lol

    It's almost like "Hey, do you believe in the daylight?"

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  • I do believe in divorce. HOWEVER, the problem I have is with people who get married without really talking and thinking it through with their supposed life partner. I feel people get married for mostly the wrong reasons. That's why you see such a high divorce rate. People don't take marriage seriously and/or don't work their marriage out. Divorce should be an absolute LAST resort, not a first.

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  • I'm not a fan of black and white answers concerning things like this.
    No I don't believe in divorce - death do us part doesn't mean when you two are fighting and can't get along for a while , you divorce instead of trying to keep working it out like you said you would do when you married.
    But I believe there are reasons for divorce - physical abuse is a big one, infidelity is another. It all depends on the situation

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  • I don't believe in it and i don't believe it should be an easy thing either. I feel like the left pretty much destroyed marriage. They made it incredibly easy to divorce and marry to an extent that it's no more of a commitment than any other mediocre commitment. They also redefined marriage away from what it has always meant. The union of a man and woman

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  • See nothing is different now from back when the perceived rates were "low". Decades or even centuries ago when people got married it was religion shame/embarrassment that kept couples "together" so what we issues they had they had to work out or around. Also back
    In those days women weren't as independent as they are now. So with the rise of feminine independence and the idea of divorce not being as taboo or looked down on anymore people can fall crazily into love and then horribly out of it and walk away.

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  • I've never thought about divorcing but I would have if I'd married one of my exes.
    It can be the best solution in many cases.

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  • How do you exactly "believe" in divorce? I mean... it's a thing that happens... why and how should I ''believe'' it?

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  • Very good question - I would agree with C in the context of the happiness of the couple and if there are any kids involved.

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  • In the US the statistics vary dramatically according to age at marriage and educational attainment. Marriages of college-educated couples tend to last.

    But yes, I believe in divorce. Some marriages just don't work. People make poor choices and shouldn't spend a lifetime suffering for them. Divorce is often better for the children. Not better than a growing up in a successful marriage, but better than growing in a home filled with strife.

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  • It's past 50%. Probably would be closer to guess 70%. It's so high that some states stopped keeping track years ago (Kommiefornia, for example).

    I don't know why it would make you not want to get married. Being female, you'll get a big payout when you dump the chump.

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  • I'm married, and have grown up around a lot of family members and family who have gotten divorced. Do I believe in it; not really. That's because I believe in the idea of choosing your mate wisely and making sure it's a relationship that'll last. Divorce in my mind should only be had if your spouse is abusive, won't change, or constantly cheats. The major issue should be that they are doing something that is detrimental to the relationship, and the refuse to change. At that point, divorce is ok, but everything else I believe can be worked through. It just takes two working together to do so.

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  • I voted for the third option.

    I think the reason divorce is so high in the US, higher than in Western Europe is because many Americans still marry for the wrong reasons. They marry young and under religious pressure and/or because their's an unplanned pregnancy, or because the woman sees it as a status symbol or life goal.

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  • I'd like to get married and settle down late twenties or early thirties. No set age... when it happens it happens. That age would be ideal though. I don't know if it will happen though. Marriage these days is a joke. People don't know what commitment means anymore. I've seen questions on here with women asking if they should divorce their man because of one simple flaw that they don't like.

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    • 1mo

      That's exactly what I hate about society right now. My prof today was like "what do we gain out of being in a marriage anymore when we can do everything on our own anyways" and I wonder why she's divorced... lmao. Marriage means nothing to people these days

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    • 1mo

      hmm interesting relation. I never thought about it that way. As you said... everything relates back to political views hah

    • 1mo

      It's so true once you connect it together though.

  • Believe in divorce? That's like asking if I believe in gravity. Divorce is fact as far as the law goes. Belief is immaterial.

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  • I don't believe in divorce, it's an excuse not to work together and mutually compromise. It's taking the easy way out, rather then being selfless. Plus God hates divorce.

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    • 1mo

      Exactly. Agreed. I would just add to that, that divorce is not the most favored of actions to God but God is not unkind. He has still given you a way out in case it is an abusive marriage.

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    • 1mo

      Ah thanks.

    • 1mo

      I agree.

  • I am divorced and back with my ex... Certainly there are times when it's appropriate, but if it becomes too easy it creates a paradox of choice... having too many options make all of the options seem less desirable.

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  • Sometimes but mostly I believe in just separation. To me divorce is just another childish way of saying I am bitter about how that relationship ended do I wanna make you miserable for the rest of my life.

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  • I don't want to get divorced but I'd rather get divorced than be stuck in a unhappy marriage where we're always fighting

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  • Why? If two people grow apart or the marriage was a poor idea from the start why wouldn't a person get a divorce? It's best for both parties to move on and be happy elsewhere in life than to pursue something that is failed and making them both miserable. ESPECIALLY if there are kids involved. Sure, some can be fixed. But some people just genuinely shouldn't be married to each other.

    You get one life. That's it. It makes no sense at all to spend it pretending when you could both move on and be happy. And if you have kids, staying together purely for their sake or trying to force things is INCREDIBLY damaging, far, far more so than getting a divorce.

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  • I dumped my ex , awaiting divorce !! Would YOU put up with an idle , constantly complaining , self pitying lazy fat slob? I'll bet not !!

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  • Only if something bad happens. But sometimes the resources to stay together are not available. I think that if there is more couples counseling more people would stay together.

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What Girls Said 42

  • I'll try to explain my views here. I picked yes becuase I don't believe two people should stay together if they don't love each other, can't stand each other, or anything that is the opposite of love.

    There is no use in staying with somebody if the chemistry is no longer there. It wouldn't even be a marriage but just an obligation. You're better off parting and try doing a much better job in wisely picking your next partner.

    Do I want divorces to happen? Heck no. I LOVE and respect the idea of marriage. I think before handling a divorce the two should try to fight for their marriage and talk things out the best they can, and if divorce is the only option, go ahead, set each other free.

    Yes, with what's going on nowadays, it's very discouraging. But I try not to let other people's failures dictate what my life will be like, or my ability to pick out the best suitable partner for me. Nowadays people get married for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time, often miss red flags, and do not take their time getting to know each other.

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  • People should be free to get separated anytime they want.

    The reasons they file for divorce depends on their lifestyle, psychology, moral beliefs, culture. It's personal, not anyone's business.

    If you truly want to work on reducing divorce rates, begin with children's moral beliefs and their psychology, and then the culture.

    Right now, the way children grow up and are nurtured, with the culture of entitlement, focus on sex-centered relationships, death of nuclear family, men's severely damaged image as fathers in the society and women's damaged image as mothers, with the narcissism epidemic in west, it won't get any better.

    It will stay high. It dropped in the past 8 years because of the recession
    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.../
    when the economy crashes there will always be a drop in divorce rates because people simply don't have enough money to get divorced. In the past too, one of the reasons people usually didn't even think about separation was that most people were not well off and wouldn't have a better life outside of their marriage. or were in closed societies.

    Because of that, some people think that this increase is natural. That people were kept in marriages "unnaturally" by laws and tradition. Which is true for a good percentage of marriages in the lower class, and untrue for many others. But I could also argue that their argument is a fallacious argument, an appeal to nature. That if we were ever going to favour the "natural", then most of our social institutions that made us progress and made us survive and thrive as humans would not have existed in the first place.

    I would argue that the lower classes that are being hit hardest by this increase of divorce, even though their lives wouldn't be perfect, would be much better off in the old traditional society. Why? Because poorer people have always had many more reasons to divorce, and now that they can, their divorce rates went very high and unlike the middle class, it remained stagnant at a high rate for them. And it's affecting them negatively.

    Overall it jumped high and it is not going to go back nearly to where it was, with the current culture.
    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.../

    And as the Middle Class is slowly dying, wages being stagnant (marriage and divorce rates are related to this), and the working and lower classes slowly increasing in numbers, with the current culture there will be either more divorces in the future, or in the next 30-50 years

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    • 1mo

      ... with every economic crash there will be a backlash from the current culture to the old one.

      Also it is not just the divorce rate that matters, "Marriage" rate matters too, and the percentage of married households in the United States has fallen to a historic low. And that is directly helping in widening the gap between upper and Middle/working/lower class.

  • I'm old fashioned. I believe when you say those vows, you actually mean it and will stick with your partner through everything.

    Only exception would be cheating and abuse yes. Or if they changed into a completely different person (but even then, I'd argue you can work it out if there is still love)

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  • I believe it is an important option for people to have, but I wish people would put more thought into their decision to get married in the first place. You should enter a marriage committed to being with that person for life and with realistic expectations of what that entails.

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  • Actually the divorce rate is falling
    www.nytimes.com/.../...-but-the-myth-lives-on.html
    I would only get a divorce if something bad happens.

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  • If it's necessary of course I believe in it but I think it should try to be avoided at all costs.

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  • Divorce is sad, especially if there are kids involved. I hate how when parents are having problems they don't prioritize the children. If you really care about the children, you'd be like Mariah Carey & Nick Carter: divorced but still spend time together as a family for the sake of the children. Also, I think people should know that marriage should be more about partnership and teamwork than about love. Lasts longer that way.

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    • 1mo

      You look like an Asian Angie Varona.

    • 1mo

      @BubbleBoy69 I don't know who that is, but we all know snapchat filters make us look prettier than we are so yeah, i don't really look like this lol

  • Look people need to get it out of their heads that marriage HAS to work. No it doesn't if you two don't work out it was meant to be that way. Don't force something that should had end to keep going. I wish to be honest that I should had ended my relationship of 3 years in the first time we broke up. That was a sign wasn't meant to be but we kept insisting that we were right for each other to marry. When now I think about it I'm glad it end and I don't mind divorce anymore because I'm tired of working with assholes lol. I have no time for this shit.

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  • i believe in our need to have a way out. lol. people shouldn't be stapled to other people for all of time.

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  • Of course I believe in divorce. You're not going to get anywhere if you romanticize marriage. If you need to get a divorce get one. People make mistakes or grow apart. I'd divorce my husband if he made our relationship so unstable that it put our son at risk.

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  • I'm grateful that my parents never got a divorce even though they were so close to doing it when I was a kid. I remember them always fighting and things like that, my dad even told me my mom was ready with the divorce papers one time. But they never did even today when all of their children are young adults now. They somehow made it work and I'm glad and happy they chose this route than the easy one. For me, if I marry someone, it will be my first and last marriage forever unless something extremely bad came between us. I don't like the idea of remarrying someone else. I'm one and done, so for my first, I would hope its someone I can see my whole future with.

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  • yes I do
    I dont find the point in staying with someone that makes you miserable all your life
    sometimes you make mistakes, and life is too short to be punished your lifetime.
    but of course we shouldn t go to the extreme too. the new generation has it easier and value marriage less.
    usually when smthng breaks, we fix it
    but nowadays when smthng breaks we throw it and replace it
    now that s not stable

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  • my dad has been divorced twice and my mom once. My mother's brother has divorced once and my dad's brother once. There have also been some other divorces in the family as well. I don't believe in divorce unless something really bad happens.

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  • Somewhere in the middle.
    While I do believe marriage is a life time commitment, if the circumstances are SO bad, then I can see when divorce is okay.

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    • 1mo

      What's really bad in your opinion?

    • 1mo

      Abuse, cheating, threatening them badly, substance abuse and not willing to get help.
      I feel like *most* other things can be attempted to work through. But I can understand not everything is fixable.

    • 1mo

      Yeah but I feel like these days people don't even try... people just resort to getting s divorce instead of trying to resolve their issues. It's scary

  • Errr... divorce is a real thing, what's to believe? :S

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  • I think marriage is a sacred covenant where two people pledge their loyalty to each other. I also consider myself a good judge of character so hopefully I end up with the right person for me.

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  • Everyone has different reasons for divorce. In my case my ex husband was controlling and abusive. I am much happier now.

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  • Yes, there are situations that call for it. I think if two people are unhappy they should split instead of creating a toxic environment with their unhappiness.

    Obviously I've never been married, but my parents divorced when I was three. Dad married again, mom didn't.

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  • I do believe in divorce... without it I'd probably be dead right now.
    Saying that divorce is just an excuse and a lazy way out is pretty disrespectful all around.
    Yes, some people get divorced for all the wrong reasons, but not everyone.

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  • I wouldn't say I'm all for it but stuff happens everyday. Sometimes marriage makes you realize y'all not supposed to be together or that maybe your gay or that life situration isn't what you want. I've heard of people being together for 10 years plus and divorcing because of life.

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  • Somewhere in the middle, I think divorce is only acceptable in extreme circumstances, like abuse or cheating etc.
    I think generally though, that married couples owe it to each other to make it work.

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  • I don't want to get divorced. I would get married because that's the person I chose to spend my life with. But if he cheated on me or hurt me or someone else I don't think I could stay.

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  • Your poll isn't gonna be accurate, it's not clear what's being asked about, just saying.

    I do believe in divorce yes, if people aren't happy in their marriage and can't fix it then they should get out.

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    • 1mo

      How is the poll not clear?

    • 1mo

      There are two questions. Im not criticizing you, Im just saying people might have answered different questions.

  • I don't believe in marriage in the first place

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  • Im not against marriage. I have no problem with marrying the right guy, but Im not going to marry just anyone

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  • I believe in divorce. if things are not going good (like cheating & abuse) or differences that can't be reconciled it's time to end it

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  • I personally wouldn't get divorced unless my health and well-being was being threatened.

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  • It's for babies, quitters, entitled and the proud
    Very self serving, judgmental (as if they had no faults)

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  • I believe that there are situations in which two people should not stay together and it is not possible to fix. Those require a divorce. Divorcing someone because they fart too much is stupid, divorcing someone for cheating or being abusive is not.

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  • only in extremely bad situations

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