Do you usually regard marriage as a positive thing?

I don't know if it's because of my entourage and I haven't seen any happy married couples, especially not my parents, but I really don't feel in the long run that two people can still be in love.
I think in the long run it'll end up as a partnership with similar goals more than two lovers.
I think that's like the ideal part, the negative part would be two people hating on each other but bound to commit for the family or two people who are totally numb and don't feel any emotion for the other whatsoever.





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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not really. I think most people end up having the most fun and best memories with the opposite sex in their teens and twenties. Then the person they marry is often just the person they settle with when they are ready for sacrifices and responsibilities (buying a house and raising kids). To be honest, I really don't think its that flattering to be the guy a girl to marry.

    Also, regardless of what percentage of marriages end in divorce, the ones that don't end in divorce are not nessesarily happy/fufilling. A lot of them are marriages of convenience.

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    • 1mo

      This is true. Marriage is more about providing stable home for kids and survival of the woman and she is only with you for mostly that reason if you get her at a particular age.

    • 1mo

      That depends. My parents are happily married of 25 years this week. For some people marriage is a great thing. Marriage isn't about the relationship being constantly fulfilling and happy, it should be about sharing your life with someone else that you care about and trust. I mean heck your life isn't always fulfilling and happy when you're single but it doesn't mean things can't work out later on.

      A lot of people just marry for the wrong reasons with the wrong expectations which ends unhappy.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I could write a book and not do this justice lol. I used to feel the same way about people not being able to stay in love for the long run, however, that changed when I met the right person around this time 8 years ago. I fell in love with my best friend in high school and everything felt almost too good to be true. I was the biggest skeptic and he completely changed my world. I think it is important when people love each other to be commited to growing together through life. That was something that we had to learn as we transitioned from dating in highschool to adults. Life is hard at times so it is important to have someone you can laugh with and grow with instead of letting the struggles tear you apart. So to answer the question, for me I absolutely believe marriage is a positive thing although many would probably feel differently based on their experiences. From my experience though, marrying my husband was the best thing I ever did. I thought I knew how great of a husband and marriage I would have on my wedding day, but it has far exceeded my expectations.

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What Guys Said 56

  • I was married 25 years in May. Not gonna lie… Like anything worth doing, it takes a lot of work. Both of you need to be all-in on keeping it going strong. Our latest issue was that she got complacent on staying lovers while I got absorbed in my own interests. After a lot of talking about it, we came to the realization that I need sex to feel close; she needs to feel close to want sex. So neither of us was meeting the others' needs. When a marriage strays into danger like that, the only thing that fixes it is communication. I think this applies to any relationship, not just marriage. If you're with a boyfriend and one or both of you are on autopilot, it's not going to last. We worked through our problems and its frankly better than it ever was. I actually like being married to my best friend and lover.

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  • Socrates once said.
    "Marry! If you get a good wife, you'll become happy.
    If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
    My bet is on the good one. :P

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  • Try looking outside your country, what you see with your "entourage" is not what the rest of the world see's or experiences.

    I'll give you some real life stories.

    My father he fell in love with my mother at first sight he knew as soon as he saw her that she was the one. He even said to himself he'd marry her, and about a year later he got the chance to ask her out and after a few dates my mother felt the same way. They have been through more stuff then you could possibly imagine and they love each other just as much as they did on their wedding day and are ugh just as frisky as they were when they were newly weds. Here they are, 3 children later, he's joined the army twice, been deployed once and they've been married 25+ years.

    My aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts, they married right after high school. Here they are 2 children and 2-3 grandchildren later, here they are 30+ years of marriage happy as ever love each other just as much.

    My grandfather he married my grandmother shortly after joining the navy, went overseas in Vietnam here they are, 2 children 5 grandchildren and 2-3 great grandchildren later been married like like 50-60 years close to that, still love each other just as much.

    My other grandmother married my grandfather pretty young to, left everything behind to marry him, her family, her state, married him he was a marine, adopted 2 children bore 1 has 4 grandchildren. And even though my grandfather died may he rest in peace, she still loves him even death didn't break what they had.

    My cousin is happy married to her husband a fireman and they they've been married for a while now to, have 2-3 children, very happy.

    My other cousin is happily married as well, has been for a while and he was deployed 2-3 times to Afghanistan and they're doing just fine, very happy as well.

    I could go on but you get the idea.

    All of those experiences shaped my view of marriage and I view it as the natural thing to do and the right thing to do. It's what makes happy, stable families, experiences and it's something worth doing so I view it as a very positive thing.

    but it's something you have to want, to fight for, work at and make work, marriage isn't easy, if you go into it with your attitude and thoughts then of course the marriage is doomed to fail and collapse. Your thoughts and words are powerful, like swords what you speak and think upon yourself and others will come to pass.

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    • 1mo

      I honestly think marriage has more value in our part in the world than in the west.
      we ve always had better morals and sense of responsibility, stability and traditions.
      but yea guess you ve just been lucky huh :P

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    • 1mo

      Yup never would you meet an Arab guy who will ask you to pay for your first date for example, they like to please their women and pamper them with gifts etc...
      First time I saw so many people coming from broken families was when I moved to France...
      And I must add the Middle Eastern ones are even better than the North African ones in general although all the couples in my Family are still married for 15+ years.
      My uncle has been married for 14 years with a French woman and she was the one who ran for him and clinged on him she even shamelessly tells us this lol she said because she hardly found a western man who wanted something serious and having a Family and traditional household, so when she met my uncle she clinged to him lol...

    • 1mo

      @ElissaDido hahaha well said
      100% agree

  • My dad divorced from his previous wife. My sister (from the previous marriage of my dad) divorced from her husband.
    But I still support marriage. Why?
    What do they had in common?

    1 - They were both very young and economically unstable (my sister was 24 when she got married and my father was 23 I think when he got married).
    2 - Neither of them has been in the same house as their fiancees before the marriages themselves.

    Not saying that those are necessarily meaning "This marriage is going to end." but they make it a pretty much risky choice, because you don't know if you are going to be able to support taxes, kids and shit like that and even worst you do not know how the other person acts inside the domestic walls, which may be completely different from what is is shown in the rest of the daily life.

    As a matter of facts let's be fair, what is the current divorce rate? 24-25%? Not that big, and I would be curious to analyze what are the initial conditions of those marriages...

    So I do support marriage, but I do no support rushing into marriage.

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  • I think it all depends on the 2 people involved and what kind of character they each have. If they make a marriage commitment, are they doing that seriously? Or does it mean no more to them than just going steady in the 9th grade? For lots of people today it's no more than the latter of those two things. And those marriages don't survive very long. To me, it's not marriage as an institution that's the problem. It's the individual people who go into it.

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  • It's very simple. Humans are not naturally monogamous. We jump from partner to partner--this is our natural state. Trying to fight that--especially without realizing you *are* fighting against instinct--is doomed to failure. Yet, society heavily pushes monogamy onto people. Marriage is "the goal".

    It's all romantic and profound when you first start out, but people never learn that that is *transitory*. It doesn't last.

    That's not love. It's your brain telling you to get to fucking and propagating the species. Oxytocin levels start to drop off sharply after 6 months to 2 years. After that, you start noticing all their flaws that you had rationalized or just outright ignored. Then you're like "Who is this person and why am I stuck with them now?" Then, the only reason they stay together is either for the kids or because of pride or ideology or some skewed sense of honoring their promise to live miserably.

    Clearly, as you can tell, I do not view marriage as a positive thing. I view it as a destructive force which causes far too many murders and suicides and generally miserable lives. It is not natural. It is not healthy. It would be much more natural and healthy to stay with one person until you start to notice their flaws (signaling the decrease in oxytocin and vasopressin), then simply jump to a different one. That's easy to do, because it is natural. And one can live a much happier life in doing so.

    If one wants to make marriage work (in most cases), then they must *realize* that it is unnatural. But most people think of it as natural, then they think something just "went wrong" or they chose the "wrong person" to marry.

    For instance, humans do not naturally stay up at night. We naturally sleep at night and wake up during the day. When we are in the dark, the brain releases melatonin to make you sleepy. But the advent of electrical lighting makes it possible for people to stay up at night without releasing *as much* melatonin. And healthy marriage is also possible, but only if one finds a way to manipulate the brain as electrical lighting does.

    -__-; Tried to keep it short, too.

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  • I think it is a good thing in that it means someone is committed, it is good for having kids.

    that doesn't mean it is easy, in fact it is work and you have to really spend time getting to know yourself and the other person to have a good sense of the fit.

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  • Maybe I have just being very lucky that of say the 10 people closest to me who have decided to have life partnerships - 9 are still very happy and unfortunately 1 has ended in a bitter separation but still 90% happy is not a bad return.
    So I will say that loving life partnerships can be very positive.

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  • It depends on the people... When I look at my family most of my aunts and uncles along with my parents and grand parents have had long loving relationships. I can think of one aunt who is cold hearted and who seems to have a numb relationship but is still together with her husband. They never had kids though... When I look at the stats though there are so many divorces and a large amount of unhappy marriages. There are a lot of shitty people out there getting married for the wrong reasons. If you want a good marriage you have to be a good person and have to get in a good relationship with another good person and I'd think that is harder than any time in history now... There are so many children from messed up families with twisted views on relationships and so many self centered people running amock these days. As a result the age of marriage has risen and you have a lot of people questioning if they even want to try it on for size. Given the right person it could be a good thing, but the person is the important element not the institution. If you have the view that people are going to work towards a goal in a numb relationship and that it's a business arrangement, then you're already sunk.

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  • Marriage is beautiful when done right. Why wouldn't it be? God created marriage but some people rush into it without thoughtfully facing the fact that u will wake up to the same person until death lol i envision the girl i'm with at the time being around me everyday and thats usually enough to get me sending her on her way.. i have to be careful sexually as well so i don't get a girl pregnant that i really don't love n get trapped into a life of misery.. need a bit of self defensive mindset nowadays to be successful but still have fun. Let the guy/girl live with u for a month.. if at any time u feel irritated, or any other negative emotion from that person and it affects u than it won't work.

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  • One of the reasons I dunno about marrying. I mean, I'd like to. My parents may not have "the" best marriage, but despite the occasional bickering and arguments they're still together and they can always sort everything out - but that's mostly because they come from a generation where it was considered "wrong" to actually give up on the "until death" vows, as opposed to today. I mean, I intend to keep those vows, if I ever make them, but there is no way of knowing if my wife would..

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    • 1mo

      same thing with my parents
      divorce isn t well regarded. I honestly see divorce in some cases as a better option

  • That's because marriage needs a foundation. If you are sleeping together before marriage you already screwed up, bad.

    Nobody wants to suffer and deny themselves and do it right.

    Theye want to have fun now and wonder why it doesn't last. True love is built, and nourished, and treasured.

    It also takes sacrifice. Let's say things grow cold between you two, and you become bitter. People are so shallow these days they will just leave, instead of working through it and becoming vulnerable again, which will save the marriage.

    Don't be a self righteous, bitter hypocrite and actually love your husband with the loyalty implied in your wedding vows, and marriage will work.

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  • It depends on how you work on it. If you both work on loving each other and can see that you can live with the other for the rest of your life (both sides sees it not just one) so you have a great chance in making it come true, if you see that you can't see each other in this relationship more than 5 years or 10 so it's gonna be just like that. It's up to you both how you want the relationship work. Every relationship has many fails for both, the thing how you gonna solve it and why.
    Don't compare your self to others, it's never good nor healthy to do so.

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    • 1mo

      everyone compares themselves lol
      you don t live detach from others hence your environment affects your perspective

    • 1mo

      No it doesn't. I didn't write ''Just don't'' , nothing is easy, i worked on it as my wife did. i hear so many people say the same thing, why put energy on comparing my relationship with others and not putting energy on my own relationship?
      Sure we do ask some people about some things but that just conversation and socializing.
      Another thing and many wrote ''liar'' to me, i don't look at other women, simple as that, just the same way that people tell them selves to look, i did the opposite, so i don't look and ii grew up not looking. It's up to the person how to make things work, i never compare my relationship with others, not even my parents, nor my wife's parents.

  • I don't see why it's a bad thing provided that abuse doesn't happen or the 2 actually love each other (and not just get into it cause of the sex, like most people)

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  • I still think its a positive thing. I believe marriages fail because not enough effort was put to keep the passion alive, or the person wasn't right, in terms of morals , lifestyle and goals.

    A healthy, happy marriage is rather difficult

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  • Im more in love with the idea of marriage...
    Most women said yes. Most men said no.
    Why is that?

    I'll give you an example using my father. He bought a damn good house for his ex wife IN CT. She starts to cheat then he feels terrible so he cheats back. They plan on moving to ATL, he puts a downpayment on a house, she moves first, cheats some more, files for divorce and then he starts seeing someone else.

    She got the house in ATL, he payed for her lawyers and the house in CT and ATL. Divorce is FINANCIAL RUIN FOR MEN...

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  • Yes, but solemn if it's to the wrong person. Two friends I've told them not to marry their spouse. As you can imagine I was uninvited to both weddings. One of them divorced in 3 years. The other is still married tho I'm thinking unhappily because he's put on upwards of 60+ pounds and he's only 25. Guy was easily 165-170 five years ago

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    • 1mo

      Some people put on weight when they're happy

    • 1mo

      @alyssaishere

      True, but I've since had conversations with him where he spoke about copious amount of stress in life and his relationship. I've never heard a guy before him say that if his wife ends up getting punched, because of her bullshit that he won't stand up to defend her because she started it. Lol

  • I do see it as a positive thing in many senses considering that people with similar goals and interests marry and know each other very well. First of all of course they create a family and have children (not a good idea for someone who loves children not to marry or raise them alone ehhh). Secondly sex within marriage is the safest form of sex instead of looking around for different partners who can give you STD and fuck you for the rest of your life having to take mediines. (From studies most people with more then 3 partners have some hidden STD virus). Thirdly you have someone that has invested a lot in that relationship and will be there for you also emotionally because they have already invested a lot in the relationship (also marrying you).
    I don't see any negative thing because I am open minded and if the marriage fails I have no problem leaving my wife divorce me or me leaving her.

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  • I do. Pun intended.

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  • Absolutely.
    There may be a couple rough patches but my girl is a keeper.

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    • 1mo

      ah I didn't know you have a girlfriend ^^

    • 1mo

      Best thing to happen to me haha.
      Our Love is gonna prove you wrong.
      =>

    • 1mo

      lol no problem with me haha
      best of luck to you two!

  • Yea I don't see much use for marriage nowadays besides a few tax benefits. I'd be more in favour of marriage if it were a contract that you both had to renew every 5 years or so, and if one of you wanted to call it quits, both of you could end it without certain strings attached like alimony

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    • 1mo

      the biggest issue is having kids though
      more than the financial problems lol

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    • 1mo

      @qwertyKitchen are you talking to me or archiz? Because I never stated divorce fixed financial problems

    • 1mo

      True. I just meant that financial problems by themselves have got to be the dumbest reason to get divorced. I was reacting to that.

  • in most cases marriage kills à Man soul

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    • 1mo

      Oh you poor fella

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    • 1mo

      Lol guess that s a particular case.
      Usually both parties lose

    • 1mo

      marriage is risky choice must be wise

  • Omg I can't believe I'm going to bring this up but,

    In the movie The Notebook, it was about 2 old people who loved each other very much their whole life.

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    • 1mo

      but it s a movie :/
      slash book :/

    • 1mo

      Ya you're right. Marriage sucks. Let's put the word out and let everyone know to not get married. 😋

  • Way to stay positive Archiz! :P

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    • 1mo

      hah I am :P
      I am just realistic :P

    • 1mo

      I don't think it's SO bad. Besides, it's probably the best way to raise kids. Now if you don't want kids, that's a different story.

    • 1mo

      I do want kids XD

  • No, it's not positive at all. It's a very negative, dangerous thing if you're a man. I view it much the same as radioactive waste, and for the same reasons: it's detrimental to health and the death it causes is long, drawn-out, and painful.

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  • I think marriage is over all a positive thing. My first two years were great in my marriage, then the second two went down hill. I think the problems associated with marriage have to do with the laws concerning divorce. There are many men and women who's lives are destroyed by court rulings. There was actually a California woman who had to pay her ex husband, a man who threatened, raped, and beat her, alimony. That shit is just senseless. Child support should be a lower amount and more flexible, and alimony shouldn't exist since it's outdated. All that being said, I personally won't marry again.

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  • It doesn't have to be that way

    I think it takes compromises and a combined effort to keep the romance going. That is one area where couples fail. I think married couples need children to be healthy as well.

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  • Marriage is a positive thing for me. thats why im waiting till marriage

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  • Have you seen the divorce rate? Do you ever wonder why its do high? Its because, people change overtime and its the truth.

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  • Well love does change over time, you can't hold the same love you had as a newly wed til you die. But I still see it as a positive.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 29

  • Marriage comes off as a really complex thing to me. My parents most certainly don't have perfect marriage. But I wonder what makes them stay together. Same with other people around me. I've always wondered how people can stay in marriage for like more than 25 years or so, despite of differences. Cultural pressure to stay in relationship cannot be the only reason. Living with a person who is different in some ways than you 24/7 is really tough.

    Still I feel that many people around me wouldn't be together if divorce was a more accepted thing here.

    Despite of that I want to get married and have family someday. I want to stay with him as far as we can go (forever mostly) . I want to share my life with person I love. But I probably wouldn't drag a marriage just for sake of it if there's nothing left in it.

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  • I've personally had mostly positive experiences with marriage, so to me it is a positive thing that I want for myself. My parents and my bf's parents have both been married for over 30 years, as have most of my aunts and uncles and my parents friends I grew up around. I have several friends who've been married for 5 to 10 years who are very happy. I have a handful of people in my life who've divorced but none that had really bitter awful divorces.

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  • My parents were happily married and I could tell they loved each other till the last day. I think marriages take work and not a lot of people marry the right person. So it can be positive but it depends on the people.

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  • my parents are still together after 25 years of marriage..
    my grandparents around 65years..
    of course they will be up and down in marriage.. lots of fight and argument and all but at the end ur partner is everything... it depends in the person character and attitude and ego...

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  • Yes, I see it as a positive thing.
    It can work if they get married for the right reasons, in my opinion.

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  • normally its a good thing but again it all depends on the one you decided to marry

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  • yup, because I have seen happy couples, and etc
    My parents don't have a good marriage either but that really doesn't affect my view on marriage

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  • Yes, I generally regard it as a very positive step and a good thing :)

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  • IT CAN be if people get married for the right reasons and are solid in their emotions for one another. If not then it's as pointless as anything. That being said most people rush into marriage. Not good.

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  • Yes, marriage is a beautiful wonderful thing.

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  • It's important to build marriage on a stronger foundation than just mutual love. You need to share values, get along with each other's families and you also need to have a mindset where you'll work through things instead of run at the first notice of things not being perfect.

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  • Awh this makes me sad haha yeah I think the right person is out there. There have been a few success stories that have made me more optimistic. That's why I'm so picky

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  • Most of the time I don't since most people these days get with the wrong person.

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  • If a couple loves one another and wants to share their lives with each other, it is a very positive thing.

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  • I do like to believe marriage is a positive thing. My perspective of it is two families coming together and joining as one and I can't think of any other thing that is more special. :)

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  • I have a pessimistic perspective on marriage, so not particularly.

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  • i only know what i feel and i never tire or lose interest in men i love

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  • Yes of course

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  • Yes when it's for love, no for any other reason.

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  • I think that marriage is something we have to take for happiness and being responsible one also

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  • Yep!

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  • indeed i do

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  • Marriage is important, especially for women and to give women that sense of security. Without that legal hoopla men have to go through to divorce his wife, he can simply just disappear or break-up via text. Worse still if they have a baby. I can't say this with a 100% certainty for all women, but I know that this sense of security is very important for me.

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  • I regard marriage as a happy milestone in one's life. It signifies the continuation of the life cycle.

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  • I believe in soul mates and eternal love because I'm an idealist, not because I've seen it. But I mean, an idealist is obviously not a realist

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  • marriage is sacred and beautiful

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  • NO 😒😒😒😒😒

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  • I regard marriage as a pointless thing.

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  • I don't. I have dreaded marriage it since I was a small child and watched my mother give up all of her autonomy and emotional energy trying to please an unpleasable man (my dad).

    I tried to do the "perfect wifey" thing once due to feeling immense pressure to be "normal," but luckily my (bad) relationship ended before it got to the "til death do you part stage."

    I get lonely and sometimes feel sad that I can't believe in the ideal of mutual love and equal service, but reality was in my face since I was young.

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    • 1mo

      ah I am not that pessimist
      you had a bad luck don t let it define your future relationships

    • 1mo

      I am too old now and have a nice life, even when it's lovely. Hope you do end up with a great marriage, though. 😊

    • 1mo

      you ain't old at all the hell
      and thanks haha

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