How to convince my mistress to stay?

I'm in a dead marriage that can't end for business reasons. I have a mistress whom I love dearly, and have been seeing for just over seven years, with my wife's tacit consent. I support her financially to the same degree that I do my wife. I pay for her apartment, her car, her groceries, her medical bills, and provide a credit card with a reasonable monthly limit. I have life insurance policies with her as beneficiary. I spend most of my non-work time with her, day and night. However she is insisting it's not enough. She wants to be married. She understands the reasons my marriage can't end, but she says she doesn't care. She would rather be destitute and married to me than financially secure and comfortably kept, and says I must marry her or she'll leave me. I love her dearly, but my life would literally become a financial disaster over night if my marriage ended. How can I convince her not to destroy a good thing?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't. I can't say I would be any different than her in this situation. She's spent 7 years waiting to be in an honest relationship with her. In fact, it's proof of her love for you. She doesn't care about all the money you're spending, she wants the commitment, to know that you're hers and only hers. No woman in love wants to be the "mistress," she wants to be the wife. A wife has the throne, a mistress hides in the shadows of dishonesty. It's obviously very important to her, and nothing you say will convince otherwise. She wants the respect. So if you're absolutely sure you're never going to leave your wife, you need to let this woman go.

    Like WaitingAtTheDoor said, respect can't be bought.


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What Girls Said 1

  • This is a good thing for you, but obviously she's not happy. You need to make a decision. Maybe she is finally getting some self respect and realizing she needs to get on with her life. I suggest you do the same.


What Guys Said 3

  • I think you need to understand, it's not a good thing to her. While you can live with the arrangement, it doesn't seem like she can anymore. I can understand your confusion as to the ultimatum, but, I'm guessing you've seen this coming for some time. It's not like this is the first discussion you've had on the subject.

    She's told you what it will take to make her stay. The funny thing is, she's made it clear that she loves you. I don't think you can deny that. But, oddly it sounds like you would chose financial security over her.

    Believe me, I get it. As men, we've been raised to be the ones that need to make sure we're financially sound as head of the household. But, you need to ask yourself if the relationship is worth losing the security. Are you a kept man by your current wife, or are you making a living on your own? Surely, if your finances are wrapped up in a family business you could go out on your own and start fresh.

  • It has nothing to do with the money, and she's making that clear.

    She's wasted seven years on a guy who isn't going to change.

    Dude, it's time for her to move on, you can't get out of your situation, and that's all there is to it.

    She wants a relationship that has something to show for it.

    And this whole situation is proof of a lot of things, but more so than any, is that respect can't be bought.

  • you sound like one broken down man