I need to leave my marriage for my own sanity!

I have been married to my current husband for about 4 1/2 years now. We were together for a year when I found out I was pregnant with "my" second child and a couple weeks later he asked me to marry him. I have been married twice before and have a daughter with my previous marriage. I did not want to marry so soon after only dating a year because I had been through all this and was not so sure I was in love enough to really keep a marriage. After I found out I was pregnant, I was hounded by his family to get married, as I would look like a whore to my x husband and he may try to take my older daughter away, this scared me so I agreed to marry him after he asked me. My in-laws totally planned my wedding, I was left out of everything. I felt like I was in a blur and paralyzed as I walked down the isle, my legs trying to run, my head telling not to do it, but I made myself go numb and did it anyway. The 6 years I've known Harry (my current husband) he has been a drunk, among other things I won't mention and has made me at times feel extremely miserable. A couple weeks again, I finally asked him for a divorce because he told me once if I didn't see myself here in 10 years then I should just let him move on. He fell apart when I told him I couldn't love him like I should and needed to move on. He left for the bar and I left for my mom's house.

After a few hours he called and said that he would do anything to help save our marriage. He wanted me to come home so we could talk about it and get some counseling. I came home and he agreed to stop drinking and stop the other bad habits I am not to fond of and do more with the girls and me.

It's been over a week now and I am still just not really here, I guess you would say for lack of better words. My oldest daughter is not happy, she was very upset when we came back, my youngest daughter is to young to really understand, she is only 4. He has stopped drinking from what I can tell, but he is putting the blame on me when bills can't get paid because I hurt him last week and so he had to take the rest of the week off, cutting our paycheck short and putting us behind on bills.

In myself, I don't want to try anymore. I'm done. I didn't want to get married in the first place, just figured that I could make myself love him. He is a decent guy in most since...he works hard, tries his best to provide for his family.

I really want to leave, to make myself a life...with my girls. To peruse my goals, with out his criticism. We can't afford to go to counseling, I know that and he knows that, but I don't see any other way to make this work. I just would like some "expert" advise I guess you would say. Am I crazy? Am I being selfish? Should I just keep my mouth shut and go through life dumb and not feeling anymore? Should I end it and try to move on in life? Technically I've been married since I


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road - turn back!

    Get out of this marriage before it sucks the rest of the life out of you and your kids.

    This man has problems and they are not yours. He treats you crappy then suddenly turns all nice when you decide to leave, typical abusive behavior.

    You know you deserve better, go out and get it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I am not an expert.

    I think you should leave him. If there is no spark then there is no spark.

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    • But he thinks there is and that he just isn't trying hard enough for me. It's frustrating because I know it's killing him, cause he knows I want to leave. He thinks he can't live with out me.

  • You've been married 3 times.. no offense to you, it can't always be the guys fault every time. My dad always says that guys die first because they want to, there is a reason for it.

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    • Ok, answer me this. My first husband was a child molester. I found this out after the marriage at 18 years old. the Second one was so controlling I couldn't even go see my parents without permission when they lived 3 miles away. The third has been a drunk and drug user and has mentally and emotionally abused me from day one...that is why I really didn't want to marry him, because I knew it would get worse, but felt I had to cause I was pregnant.

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    • No, that was when I was 18 years old and I didn't have anything, but while we were married he was molesting his 12 and 9 year old cousins.

    • Good thing you left him.

What Girls Said 2

  • Is there some sort of a community centre where you live where you could get a few free counselling sessions or free legal advice in terms of how to go about separating from him? If you went to live with your Mom with your daughters, would you be able to support yourself plus kids?

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  • youre reevaluating your entire marriage, looking back at mistakes, wishing you could undo the whole thing. if he's really an alcoholic, I don't see much chance for a fulfilling relationship. its definitely not going to work in your frame of mind. maybe its time for a separation, see if he can overcome his issues while you work on your own fulfillment.

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