Why am I lonely and depressed? I don't understand

I'm 22 in college. I'm very playful but fun. I can make almost anyone laugh who has a descent personality, and I enjoy it. I'm classy and respectful. I'm not the typical guy. I don't believe in one night stands, nor believe in going after girls to hook up or "score". Don't get me wrong, I have my urges like everyone else, but I take pride and cherish the idea of a relationship. The lady friends who know me well all seem to say that they wish their boyfriend or more guys like me would come around more often and I've had countless mothers of lady friends propose to me for their daughters (as a joking matter of course). What I don't understand though is if all this is true, then how come it hasn't produced results. I'm not going to date just anyone and from what friends have told me, I have a lot of options on the table, but I don't see as many as others do. I've wanted a relationship for a good while, at least 10 years and gotten no luck. All I'm asking for is a chance to prove myself, nothing more. If ladies don't like what I have to offer, I won't say another word to them but I do not see what I'm doing wrong that other guys are doing. I'm respectful to girls, I've been called harmlessly sarcastic and I'm every bit of the term gentleman. I'm not a douche bag and I'm not an ass. I just don't understand why it hasn't produced results in my 22 years


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most women will read this and go wow what a catch, wish my boyfriend was like him, and most guys will read this and go hmm typical nice guy, but just because your nice doesn't mean you can't get a girlfriend. Your problem has nothing to do with being nice, it's all about your attitude.

    You say you cherish the idea of a relationship, which is fine and all, but your problem is your out there looking for the "one" your future wife, and it seems like you don't want to date lots of women, you want to find your future wife right now. In order for that to happen you have to go on dates with lots of women, and maybe out of those first few you pick, one might be a good match, take it from me, it took me nine different women, before I found my future girlfriend. The process is simple, you find a chick you like and you ask her on a date, and if she doesn't work out find another and another.

    Just go out there to have fun, and find a chick that you want to date, but don't date a girl thinking that she is going to be your wife.

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    • I can understand how you got that and I have to agree to an extent. However, I'm not the typical douche bag, nor the ass which hopefully sets me apart from other guys. I just don't see why I get so isolated all the time. I'm not necessarily picky with girls, I just have my preferences. My roommate is a horndog and gets girls easily, but he'll get almost whatever he can get. I on the other hand won't date a moron. What will make or break the majority of the girls I talk to are personality and

    • Intelligence. It's not asking for much, but that's what will really make me fall for them. The number of girls that I've been exposed to who match those qualifications number around 20, but they all seem "out of my leage", "flirty" and playful. I just don't understand why I can't get a crack at them. All I want is a chance but again this is where it brings me back aroud to the subject of all this. I want a serious relationship. I don't see why that's asking for so much

What Girls Said 2

  • Unfortunately a lot of girls (especially in college) don't like 'good guys'. They like guys who are 'dangerous' or somehow forbidden. Personally I find nothing more unattractive than a 'bad boy', but unfortunately it seems I'm the minority. Whilst a lot of girls will say they like nice guys, they still tend to go for the ones who will treat them poorly and stomp all over their hearts.

    And I know how much it sucks when people tell you that they wish their significant other was more like you - I've heard it many a time. But every time someone says that to you, just store it away and remember that when you find someone amazing to be in a relationship with, they're probably not going to be saying the same thing to their friends.

    But please don't change who you are for anyone! One day you'll find a great girl who will cherish you because you treat her well and she will love you exactly as you are. I know that probably seems like it's never going to happen, but I'm sure it will.

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  • hmmm you sound wonderful and its not true what the other guy said about girls liking asses and douche bags I absolutely hate them!..if I had a chance to meet you I would but unfurtunately I'm married good luck tho! god I swear if I had a man like you I would never let you go..i know because I'm married to the biggest asshole and you don't know how much I regret having even married him.

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    • I certainly appreciate your input and I'm glad to get feedback. But explain this to me.. I'm not scared at all to go up and talk to a girl who I don't know (but would like to). I'm accused of knowin everyone so the social part is no issue. What am I doing wrong? I'm assuming that if I can be funny/creative, that leads to being charming, then I may get my foot in the door. Where as ass holes get what they want easily. I'm self conscious but I've gotten to the point of not believin in magic anymor

    • I thought the arrows going up and down were to scroll up and down, I wasn't aware of the like and dislike scenario. Your answers I favor out of the majority of them, so don't think I don't like it. I certainly do

    • Well thank you for your compliment...but to answer your comment, I know it sounds like a cliche but its not you..unfurtunately its true what the other girl said about girls liking assholes now a days I know this from exeperience too because I have a sister that's like that she likes BAD boys...agggghhh I may not be normal for people this days (especially for my age) I'm young, but I'm kinda old fashioned I still believe in respect, loyalty and gentlemen ;) I don't believe in magic anymore.

What Guys Said 3

  • because what girls say they want and what girls are attracted to are two entirely different things. And being overly particular when you've never had a relationship is mistaken thinking, it's highly unlikely you'll ever figure out how to get it right if you don't get in there and give it a go. Most people get it wrong before they get it right. ie they learn from experience. What other guys are doing is being more challenging and less respectful. That doesn't necessarily mean being an ass but going after what you like and being a bit more edgy with that sarcasm. Girls are naturally attracted to strong archetypes. If you're too nice to them, they don't perceive that quality in you. If you can sort that out it'll be win win for you because you already have the decent side that makes relationships work.

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  • you are a nice guy, all nice and no action, girls like guys who are incontrol and take charge because you can't have two bitches in a relationship...

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  • Because you're not a douche bag or an ass, and that's what most girls want when you are younger. They expect it, so when you don't act that way they view it as a sign of weakness or desperation. "That guy's so nice, he's sweet, therefore he's too easy and boring, I'm going to go f*** this guy who called me a **** instead." Also, the girls you meet are not your mother, her friends, old ladies from work whatever; most of them are bitches with head problems. Once you realize those two things everything should make so much more sense.

    If girls wanted a nice, respectful guy you wouldn't be having problems.

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    • Ok well then answer this.. I'm merely trying to get a different perspective here. I'm accused of knowing everyone so my social life is no issue. If I see a girl I'm physically attracted to, then how am I suppose to approach her with her knowing I'm interested in dating instead of being "a guy friend" and avoiding the friend mode? Obviously my ideas aren't working so what do I do differently?

    • You just have to be really up-front about what you want and don't p**** foot around it. Try to hold hands on the first date, kiss on the second, sex on the third. If she is attracted to you she will at least reciprocate to one of those. If you don't try to do those things she'll paste the word "FRIEND" to your forehead and you will be SOL. Also, don't be afraid to p*ss a girl off or get rejected - it's better to be rejected on the 2nd date then led around for months.

    • Ohh whatever answerer obviously you guys don't give girls that much credit just because a guy doesn't give you sex on the third date doesn't mean he doesn't like you or he's just a friend you may not know this but girls, or at least me, know and can tell when a guy is into you..if he wasn't he probably wouldn't have had asked you for a date in the first place, even if he just wants sex it means you attract him in one way or another

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