Can I get past his infidelity?

My spouse was unfaithful a few years back and he recently told me because he was tired of caring the burden of this secret and felt I had a right to know. After six months, I started divorce paperwork, not getting past my feelings on the matter. My spouse convinced me to do couples counseling as a last effort. I agreed. I have since discovered intense feelings for another man who I want to be intimate with. I am not wearing my wedding ring and he knows there is a real chance of divorce. He says he can not live with out me. What do I do? The situation I doubt will happen again but a feel a real loss I just can't get past. We have been married over 2 decades.

Updates:
Lying to me about being faithful is also a great issue, even though I understand the situation mentally.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There are bottom lines for any relationship. This could be yours. and you could be attracted to that other man because you are already thinking of yourself as being single. Some people can forgive infedelity but it seems like you may not be one of them. Yes he made a mistake, but it was a mistake that is shaking the very foundation of your family.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You pretty much answer your own question. Right now you don't know what you want. If you still love your husband, you would not be thinking about another man at the moment. Sad to admit it, when things like this happen I suggest you try to take a break or something and figure out what you really want. Leaving someone who you been with for a long time is hard, specially when it's for someone you just met, and barely know what they are all about. When you start to have doubts in a relationship things start to feel very different. Did you have doubts of anything before he told you this ?

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  • If you met someone else who wants you and you feel the same do it, you only live once, you have a free card use it...maybe it will lead somewhere better.

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What Girls Said 3

  • ok well, if the boat has sailed, it has sailed what can you do? I mean if you are still "in love" with him not love him, and you still have deep burning feelings for him, and he really wants to work things out then I would say stay, give him a chance but if you have been looking beyond the horizon and you see more promising options such as that guy you are attracted to go for it. It is easier said then done I know but if you are meant to get back with your husband it will happen no matter if a year passes or two it will happen, but if you find yourself comparing the two situations, stay with my husband and you feel a closed in gray feeling, or just divorce his ass and you feel happy like you can breath. well then you know what to do and I know he is probably making it tough for you telling you how much he loves you, and he is sorry and all that but don't stay for him , stay for you...and you said you really haven't dealt with the feelings connected with him telling you he had cheated on you, think about it will help.

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  • Take an all-or-nothing approach. Either give couples counseling a try OR file for divorce. But sitting on the fence with a sense of ambivalence will surely mean failure in the end for your marriage.

    Either way you go, you need to cut your ties with the other man, at least for now. If you decide to save your marriage, he's a serious hinderance. If you decide to divorce, you have to work through the process and heal before you're ready to get into a new relationship.

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  • he cheated on you? You want to trust him? I don't know. some people do take their spouses back after cheating and such. It takes great communication, love, forgiveness, and a lot of patience and a lot of effort to show that you love him, and for him to show that he loves you.

    you aren't divorced yet, so why not give the counseling a try?

    Not that I'm saying cheating is OK, but that maybe he has changed and possibly there is an underlying issue or reason why he cheated and you could understand and totally forgive him. Besides 2 decades is a long long time!

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