Why does my on/off boyfriend of 2 years keep treating me bad, but says that he wants to be with me?

My boyfriend & I are both 19. When we first started dating, within about two weeks or so, he was already pressuring me for sex. I was a virgin at the time & I wasn't ready that soon to give that away to him, yet he kept on asking. About 3 months into our relationship, I lost my virginity to him. We did fight some in the beginning of our relationship, but only over small things that I would soon get over. About 5-6 months into our relationship, I went on a camping trip & during that time he called me up saying that he wanted to take a break & that he wanted to visit his mom. I knew something was up so he finally told me that he made out with a girl without their shirts on. It killed me but I knew I couldn't be with a cheater so I broke up with him. About 3 months down the road after our break up, I couldn't take not being with him anymore so he found me on this website & we started talking again. When I saw him, I found out he had a girlfriend & he wanted to see if things would work out with her before going out with me again so I stopped talking to him again. 2 months later we started talking again and we dated for about 3 straight months where he saw me every day and that's when I really started to fall in love with him. He proposed to me with a ring & I of course accepted it. His friend told me that two weeks after he proposed he had cheated on me again & I came to find out that those facts were true. I was absolutely devastated, but once again I decided to forgive him & we even read a whole book together on relationships & forgiveness. He acted like he really wanted to change, but 3 more months down the road things started getting rocky again. Out of no where he said he wanted a break & to see his friends more. I let that go for about 2 weeks but couldn't take it anymore so I broke up with him. His friend came over to my house after we had been broken up & told me that he already had a new girlfriend 4 days after our break up & acted like he didn't miss me at all. I tried my hardest to move on but once again, 3 months later I couldn't take it anymore so I went back to him again. I came up with a list of certain things he had to do in order to get me back(ie: counseling, seeing me often enough, respecting me, no cheating, etc) He agreed to the list & signed it, but I've yet to see him do any of those things & it's already been almost 2 months. We have matching tattoos from the past, he's almost ran out in front of cars for me, he's cut himself over me, he bought me a 200 dollar tattoo for my birthday, & even bought a ring & proposed to me. He says there's no one else out there that makes him as happy as I do yet he's never changed. He's only seen me 3 times in the past 2 weeks & has texted/called less than ever. We have fought a lot in our relationship, but all do to his past actions and him treating me bad. I don't know what to do- I straight up asked me if he wants to be with me and he said yes, so why does he act this way? Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I really hate to sound mean, but you're really stupid :\ STOP TALKING TO HIM AT ALL! Stop seeing him at all, stop thinking about him at all. Yes that's hard, yes I know the pain, but because I know, I also know that it is quite doable to get over it. You focus on ANYTHING else you have to. Focus on something productive, work, school, etc. Stop. If he tries to get in touch with you, ignore him. He is NOT worth your time. Not in the SLIGHTEST.

    He acts that way because he is LYING. Say it with me? Lying. He can't settle for one girl, he can't really care about anyone other than himself and getting himself off. He just wants to keep you around always cause you're always so willing to be with him despite his obvious disgusting attitude. Tell him to go f*** off. And if you want to tell him who told you to say it, tell him it was me on here. Tell him he can hunt me down if he wants. I'll happily end his life with my bare hands. Scum like that, they need to die off.

    I honestly hate it when a douche just uses a girl, but I really don't like when a girl who knows he's a douche stays with him cause "I love him and I can make him change." No, you can't, he won't change. Drop his ass.

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What Guys Said 4

  • i swear if I seen him id fkn kill him. that's a fkn jerk right there like you giv him everything you got and he just cheated on you. so I think that you're too much of a good girl for that dumbass and should move on to another man who will be yours. don't give up girl. you can do itt! ;)

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  • its obviously your more of a fk buddy

    sorry

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  • I think you should move on. You are too nice for him. You can find a better guy

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  • Here's the scoop bold and true: He cheated on you and it was all preplanned in some direction. IT's goign to hurt, esp since he was your first. I was raped that's how I lost mine at a young age [10] by 3 women. Sure it's not getting cheated on but it huirts to know you lost it with someone you might not see again and be with for the rest of your lives. Here's the thing to do; Get up off your butt and embrace your life, your young and have so much of it left! don't let it go to waste on one jerk. Yes you'll always remember your first, but don't ever compare him to someone else, if you need to talk with a close friend because parents aren't as understanding at your age [or ever]. aAll you can do is move on with a smile, and learn from the past. A burden it might be but don't ever give up. You can do it Ozy - now get back out there girl. o/

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What Girls Said 4

  • Wow! Girl you seem like such a great girl and even though I don't agree with some of the things you did for him, I'm sure it was out of love or you wouldn't be trying to be with him! I know how badly you want this to work, but if he's cheated on you this much already, then he'll do it some more as he's shown. You definitely wouldn't want to marry him and start a family with him and him cheat on you! That would devastate you even more and it would ruin your family! You want to be happy! You deserve to be happy! You deserve a guy that will treat you like a princess! Any guy can buy a girl something if they have the money, any man can buy a ring... But girl, not any guy will treat you like the princess you are! You don't want to mess with this the rest of your life! If he's already given you this much heartache, he'll give you more later. :( Do what's best for yourself! :)

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  • Girl it really sounds like this guy has some issues of his own. You need to break it off with him. Don't be the weak one and cave in after 3 months. You really can't keep doing this to yourself. You're about the same age as me and I've been through crap like this with guys. There is someone out there who will treat you like a princess so why don't you give him a chance?

    Look, try this. Break up with him. He really has not shown you in the entirety of being with you that he even respects you. I know it's hard, I'm going through the same thing. But you have to be strong through out it. At this point, he knows he can do anything he wants and still have you as a back up. Don't let a guy use you like this!

    When you break up with him, block his phone number, delete him off your facebook/myspace or whatever you have. Tell him that you need some time to yourself and if he cares about you he'll respect that. Block all contact for a month at the very least. If you don't, you're bound to fall back into this same masochistic cycle.

    If at anytime you feel like you're going to cave, I'll bet you have plenty of support behind you. Your friends, family and even the users on this site. Also, even if you don't feel comfortable doing it, put yourself out there. Go out on dates. Get that confidence back up to where it was before this guy came along. Trust me on this, having multiple guys that want to take you out and just do things to be nice for you is the best confidence booster. Just casually date for a while.

    If you need someone to talk to I'm here and most of the time when I'm not working I have nothing to do lol so you can message me if needed. Good luck to you.

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  • Why does he act this way?! Because you let him. You keep going back to him. He has all of the power. You are just a great night of willing sex for him. Stop going back to him, and he won't care. Move on with your life. Go to college, a foreign country, explore this world and your life. Who ever taught you that boys under 25 actually wanted to settle down, lied to you..

    PS: You wrote up a contract and he signed it? Seriously? When somebody loves you, they don't need a set of rules written by YOU to treat you right. They treat you right because they love you. This guy is just young and immature and you are giving him so much power over you. It is sad.

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  • it really seems like you are way to good for him. move on, he doesn't deserve you.

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