Long story short I kissed an old friend back in March after being married for two years and with him for a total of 6. Since then my husband and I have been fighting and he has tried and tried and I basically pushed myself away and was living the single life, only not sleeping around with tons of men. I moved out in Oct because he said either I leave or he will and we own a house so I moved in with my sister. I recently discovered on Christmas day he slept with his ex who he has a 7yr old son with. I confronted him and he said it was a mistake he never meant to hurt me and he thought we were over and what he did with her meant nothing an dhe loves me. It hurt so bad becuase excuse my words but she is a #*#!** and I always was scared of her trying to get to him well she suceeded. My question is, is it even possible to fix our marriage knowing I have to see her and deal with her for the rest of my life knowing she had him? I felt she took something away from what we had. I know he doesn't care for her but he was so vulnerable and weak and he did it, but it hurts that he would do what he did. I know I hurt him for the past 10 months but this is by far the worst thing he could have done. I've been numb for months towards him and now I'm finallhy feeling like I ruined what we had, but I'm worried I will never be able to get passed him and her together. Please tell me what you think..
Most Helpful Girl
Personally, I think you two are about even.
I think it is childish that you can go out, live the single life, and even take an even bigger step by moving out. Clearly what he did was a cry out for attention and was done to keep his own sanity.
He didn't cheat on you with his ex for the sake of cheating on you. He did it to prove to himself that he too can be with someone else. It just so happens the easy route out was his ex.
You two are young and a newly married couple. Clearly he loves you very much, and has continued to tell you so. Being that you are young, it is very difficult to be married to the same person your whole life, but that is what marriage is. It is about commitment and hard work. You must use this as a blessing because now you both know what life would be like with other people and clearly that is not what either of you want.
Being that I was once a cheater myself, I'm sure we can both agree that it is far from worth it. Sure, for a night or so you can finally feel attractive again and know that you can still have men at your disposal. However, those men will never amount to anything close to your husband, hence, why you are very upset with his current actions.
Please, take this as a blessing and be very thankful that it has happened. I know it seems very strange, but it has given a new life to your love for each other. You both have now witnessed what other options you have and neither of you liked the outcomes. If you love him, then you must forgive him. He has chosen to love you beyond your choices. I know it is very difficult to forgive, but you both have done equal hurt towards one another and therefore you must forgive. However, do not forget. You must realize that you two must gain each others respect and trust again, and with time, this will come.
Perhaps, seek professional advice through marriage counseling or your local church to help save your marriage. Find what caused you to cheat on him. There is always a reason why someone cheats, often times it's not the fault of the person who cheated. Perhaps he pushed you away,etc.
You married him for a reason, as he married you for his own reasons. You love him, as he loves you. Do not simply give up because of you two cheating on each other. Show maturity and live a mature adult relationship. Find what it is you love and embrace it. Perhaps, if it is within your means, seek professional help and go on a honeymoon together. Maybe a revamp in your marriage will help save it.
I wish you the best of luck!0