How can I tell her I'm not interested?

I need some help seeing this from the perspective of a girl that keeps asking me out. (1) At what point does it become my responsibility to be firm with her? (2) Do I have any right to feel creeped out since she has by all accounts pursued "maturelyā€¯ and I've cordially responding to her? (3) Does she have every right to continue pursuing since I haven't been firm?

There's a girl asking me out once every week by text and every time I make up some excuse. I don't want to be mean because she's a real nice person. Sometimes I delay responding for at least a few days to try and show my disinterest.

A friend was suggesting that by being nice to her and continually responding I'm sorta leading her on. I feel real bad being firm with her though because it's not like she's texting multiple times a day and being overbearing. Additionally, she's not even asking for dates but more or less just hanging out.

So please help me see this from her perspective.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Please tell her straight up, like "Im sorry but I'm not interestedin you that way" She might really like you and is making excuses to herself why you aren't around.

    There come a point where you have to be straight forward, and it will be kind to do so.

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    • I'd agree 100% except she has never made her intentions known. She must be a smart cookie because I can't read if she's asking as a date or as a friend. I'd be super embarrassed if I said I'm not interested in her that way and she's says "what way? I was only asking to hang out?" I do have to do something soon though because I don't want to lead her on if that's the case. You mentioned there comes a point to be straight forward. When is that point if she isn't really doing anything annoying?

    • Thats tough, maybe just go out once, but you thinking it as a friend and she how she reacts... If you can't tell, then ask her, its better to find out.

    • I think I'll have a talk with her to clear the air and if she's interested just as friends I'd be happy to be friends with her. Before I speak with her though, what do you think about whether or not she has the right to pursue me given I never gave her a firm answer, and if it's okay for me to be frustrated that she never took the hint. I think she'll say she's interested romantically and I want to be honest and clear when I speak with her. Thanks for your help.

  • you should tell her, after all she is not proposing you!

    you're overthinking about her interests sometimes she also thinks that you're a nice person and just wants to be around you...

    your friend is right, you're actually being mean leading her to places that she won't be able to enter

    =)

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    • I didn't mention how many times she asked me to hang out but it sounds like you think it's to the point where I should be firm, which is fair because I sorta see that side otherwise I wouldn't have asked. Now I don't have any ill feelings towards her, but to be honest there is a little frustration every time I have to respond and think she's not getting the hint. Do I have any right to be frustrated given my actions? Just gathering as much info because I want to be fair to her when we speak.

    • It's something normal that you don't have interests towards her, why are you making such a big deal? Did you ever told her the opposite? or made her think that you were interested? you sound really guilty, don't be too hard on you... there's this line that I like: "everybody will hurt you, you just need to choose who is worth of suffering"

      so your afraid of hurt her? you be sure that you won't be the first neither the last... just tell her the truth, she won't die

      =)

    • I'm putting lot of thought into this because I've seen the way guys and girls can be complete jerks in the way they tell someone they're not interested. I never really felt guilty until my friend said I should stop with always responding and to be straight up. I never let her think I was interested unless you consider always replying a sign of interest. I'm going to have a talk with her and straighten things out. Thanks for the input

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