I'm not opposed to casual sex at all. This wasn't the case here though. He and I met at my part time job at my aunt's bakery and he was always talking to me and asking me out. he's very sexy, he's 27, he's creative and passionate. I was drawn in by him. he's into philosophy and art and we would go to museums together. I wasn't going to give him exactly what he wanted first, so we dated a few months before we had sex. he always said that his roommate had lots of drama so we never went to his place. we always went back to mine. I knew something else was going on, but I also felt like maybe I was just being paranoid. I know that we built a connection and I can tell that he loves me, and I love him. I don't think that kind of passion and emotion that we experienced can be faked. he eventually told me that he hadn't been honest with me and that I deserve to know the truth. then he told me that he is married and he has a child. this was about a month ago.
i wasn't speaking to him for a week but then I realized that I didn't want to end it that way. I really do love him. he's telling me that he is meeting a lawyer on his own to prepare for divorce. this is tough for me to choose. I mean if he really is in love with me and he isn't happy in his marriage, then it makes sense for us to be together. if he isnt, he could just be playing games to see how long he can string me along. I doubt its the latter but its a possibility in this situation. I feel like it might be better if I confront the wife myself and explain to her that it isn't malicious or predatory on my part, that I do love him and I didn't know he was married until a month ago. is that a good or bad idea to you guys?
Most Helpful Girl
A lot of guys who have affairs say they're going to leave their wives for the mistresses and don't.
This is a really tough situation. If it were me, I would tell the wife. Let her know that it wasn't your intention to break up her marriage, and you only found out after you fell in love with him. You don't have to tell her there was sex involved, just that you are/were dating her husband.
Many people will probably tell you to stay out of it, but your boyfriend dragged you into it whether you wanted to be involved or not. If I were the wife, I would want to know my husband was being unfaithful, and I think it's only fair that she has all the facts so she can decide whether or not she wants to stay with an unfaithful man.
After you inform her, let your boyfriend and his wife decide what to do. If they actually do divorce, and he can prove it, then you can decide whether or not you want to be with a man who lied to you and is a proven cheater. If they don't divorce, then tell him you're done.1