Affair with a married man...should I tell his wife?

I'm not opposed to casual sex at all. This wasn't the case here though. He and I met at my part time job at my aunt's bakery and he was always talking to me and asking me out. he's very sexy, he's 27, he's creative and passionate. I was drawn in by him. he's into philosophy and art and we would go to museums together. I wasn't going to give him exactly what he wanted first, so we dated a few months before we had sex. he always said that his roommate had lots of drama so we never went to his place. we always went back to mine. I knew something else was going on, but I also felt like maybe I was just being paranoid. I know that we built a connection and I can tell that he loves me, and I love him. I don't think that kind of passion and emotion that we experienced can be faked. he eventually told me that he hadn't been honest with me and that I deserve to know the truth. then he told me that he is married and he has a child. this was about a month ago.

i wasn't speaking to him for a week but then I realized that I didn't want to end it that way. I really do love him. he's telling me that he is meeting a lawyer on his own to prepare for divorce. this is tough for me to choose. I mean if he really is in love with me and he isn't happy in his marriage, then it makes sense for us to be together. if he isnt, he could just be playing games to see how long he can string me along. I doubt its the latter but its a possibility in this situation. I feel like it might be better if I confront the wife myself and explain to her that it isn't malicious or predatory on my part, that I do love him and I didn't know he was married until a month ago. is that a good or bad idea to you guys?


Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of guys who have affairs say they're going to leave their wives for the mistresses and don't.

    This is a really tough situation. If it were me, I would tell the wife. Let her know that it wasn't your intention to break up her marriage, and you only found out after you fell in love with him. You don't have to tell her there was sex involved, just that you are/were dating her husband.

    Many people will probably tell you to stay out of it, but your boyfriend dragged you into it whether you wanted to be involved or not. If I were the wife, I would want to know my husband was being unfaithful, and I think it's only fair that she has all the facts so she can decide whether or not she wants to stay with an unfaithful man.

    After you inform her, let your boyfriend and his wife decide what to do. If they actually do divorce, and he can prove it, then you can decide whether or not you want to be with a man who lied to you and is a proven cheater. If they don't divorce, then tell him you're done.


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What Guys Said 3

  • No.

    Telling his wife is not appropriate.

    If you did that to me, I would not be associating with you in the future. It's manipulative and will likely cost him a great deal of pain and unhappiness.

  • bad, he'll probably hate you forever. its really not any of your business to tell is wife he's cheating on her. its his home, let him deal with it however he wants.

  • I think he lied and used you...I would tell the wife. Don't ever see him again by the way.


What Girls Said 1

  • 1 you got played he won't leave his wife

    2 if you tell his wife there is No way even if he really was leaving her would he continue a relationship with you

    Honestly either way you look at it YOU will be the one called a whore you will be the one called a home wrecker she will make your life HELL is it really worth it to you to tell her just end it with him. If she comes to you then you can talk to her but in this situation you will be made to look like the enemy