Why do men act like marriage is a death sentence?

OK. Am I the only one that gets offended or find it insulting when men act like getting married only happens when they "surrender" and have nothing else left to do and want kids so "I guess I should get married". Why do men act like they don't want it to. No man wants to be the old guy and the club, lets be real ! So why do men act like marriage is so bad.

Updates:
Why make women feel so horrible regarding what they want when in actuality most men want the same thing too. What if women told you they love sex with you but then in public made jokes about you that we hate sex with you lol
The responses I am getting from men prove my point.The male marriage supporters never say anything like its against the male code lol.Its also never really about marriage,its fear of women taking your assets as if they can't do that not married lol.
Part of the issue is that men only care for sacrafice from their end.That sacrafice is obvious.However married or not the female sacrafice still exist,.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's the same thing as "peer pressure" that made them smoke and try drugs.

    They might think it's awesome to have a family and would love to be a proud daddy. But an immature part of them wouldn't admit to it.

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    • and the court is just going to do it.If you are trying to tell me that women (housewives) haven't been wronged for years then youve got to be kidding me.Men didn't complain when the courts ruled against women back in history and you didn't see women coming up with prenups.My point with you is that you can't seem to have a conversation without calling someone names when its not necessary.You have changed my mind about any of my points of view I just don't want to talk to YOU any longer lol because you

    • you can even have a regualr conversation without calling people names.Stats go both ways, that's why there are lawyers, anyone can pull articles and stats to support their argument.All I asked for was a personal opininon not a dissertation or verbal abuse.There is nothing even that serious about this topic to call anyone ignorant and I am positive that you don't want to line up your education to mine.Like I said, I wish you luck and chill out a little this site is supposed to be fun dude lol !

    • My apologies. These comments were meant for someone else lol

What Guys Said 14

  • Marriage is all good when it works but now days with the ease and benifits of divorce for women and the increase in female promiscuity and not knowing what the words "TILL DEATH DO YOU PART" mean, it's has turned in to a really bad and sour deal for a guy.

    In Marriage a woman can claim abuse and have the man sentenced without evidence.

    In Divorce a woman gets the following:

    Her income and half her partners income in the form of alimony based on how long they were together, in addition to that she gets to stay in the house and the ex husband has to leave until she finds another place or sells the house for her equal ownership value in cash. If they have been together for 10 years then the male has to pay half his retirement fund to her and 50% of whatever he makes until he drops dead. As long as the woman doesn't re marry she will continue to get alimony which means she can get another partner and live as a family unit with her children and new partner funded by her ex husband.

    When it comes to children the woman gets priority over the man in keeping the children which almost always happens because of the child support money the woman gets. Which they also always take. Just because it's child support doesn't mean the woman has to spend it feeding the child. There have been a few cases where the woman had left their child to starve to death whilst spending the money on themselves, but these were not enough to bring around forced itemization where the mother has to show reciepts of the money being spent on the child.

    Child support is years of payments per child until an agreed upon age which may include college and must allow for the childs life style to go uninterupted same with alimony. These payments are based on the total yearly income of the ex husband before tax and alimony.

    When it comes to visitation rights for children mothers are prioitized and fathers are ignored, in addition to that the woman gets to state the terms, times and conditions of the father being allowed to see his children. In many cases the mother can refuse the father the right to see his children and the courts will do nothing to help the father. In a case a few years ago a mother had put her children up for adoption without informing their father whilst still collecting child support. Sadly the father found out too late and was not allowed his children back because the time period for him to object had past without him knowing.

    And you wonder still knowing all this why men don't want to get married?

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    • If that were true then I would agree but most of it is not.Your first point on divorce is usually only if the woman didn't work.Men think its OK for a woman to be a housewife while they make the money and then when they separate though this woman dedicated herself to working in the home that she is supposed to walk away with nothing,even though she ironed the clothes you wore to work everyday and took care of your kids.2nd point lets be honest men usually don't want to the kids full-time !

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    • the topics you brought up to marriage but based on your "Ctrl F" attempt I now realize that you are not a subjective thinker and quite explains most of your dialogue.So I get and understand your points and I thank you for your opinion and giving as much to the conversation as you were able to offer.Thanks again, cause what you to did get across to me that though the points you raised are obvious, the anger behind these thoughts are more in depth than I hoped for.Guess I'm just a hopeless romantic

    • Ericneo is right no the money. I do think marriage is a bad deal for MOST men, since they will end up loosing the children, their property and an important part of their income for a long time. I have seen many stories of guys who lost everything because of their ex-wifes, I have never seen a story of a woman who was screwed by a divorce. Women always win on divorce cases.

  • Men love freedom. It's a huge part of what makes us feel comfortable and secure, knowing we can do what we want when we want to. If a guy says, "OK I will give that up to build a single life that we both lead together" then it's an incredibly deep and loving step he's making for that woman. But that doesn't mean he's not going to mind losing his former lifestyle. Change is difficult for everyone, even women. A lot of us just have a dark sense of humor too. I fall into that category.

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    • So does getting married and having a family makes most men comfortable and secure when you get to that phase of your life.I have met men that want marriage more than me and have brought up the marriage convo to me and one guy even had his wedding planned in detail of what he wanted yet to other people men treat it as something they are doing reluctantly, or like they are being forced.Guess I see it differently.

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    • Well, speaking personally, I would never let any child of mine go wanting for anything. As far as compensating the mother, I have a lot of sympathy for homemakers who give up a professional career for their families. My mom did that and I'm so glad I had a stay at home mom. Sadly there are cases of women who marry men after they make their money and don't bear them children who end up getting huge sums of money. Look at Paul and Heather Mills McCartney. $60 million. He had good lawyers too.

    • lol I hear you on that one.I think that believe it or not a lot of women see the obvious sacrafice for men so marriage has been branded bad.However when times wern't like this in history and women were getting the short end of the stick, men had no problem with marriage then lol.I personally feel like the romantism of marriage is gone, now its like a business deal.When women get the raw end we didn't come back with prenups saying if we stay home and you leave then we get xyz, maybe we should have

  • Why should you find this insulting? It is nothing to do with any particular woman, it is the institution as a whole that doesn't work. Lots of guys will make an informed choice not to take those risks. "It might work out ok" is completely insufficient assurance.

    It is absolutely nothing to do with the patronising cr@p about peer pressure in the ridiculous "best" answer.

    Your conduct towards each other and your kids is all that matters, not somebody else's idea of how things should be formalised between you all.

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    • I think men see marriage in a bad light due to fear not marriage itself.The same things that men are afraid still happen unmarried with the exception of alimony.Child support,custody, etc all happen everyday single, couple, married, so I don't get why these things are automatically associated with marriage.Also,women have been wronged in marriage decades longer than men in the years past only now do men have a problem with marriage now courts actually honor a womans contribution to the home.

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    • Well the reason I'm frustrated is because whether men want to say it or not the behavior has facilitated a bunch of boys that from young based on comments and jokes put off marriage for as long as they can like its the plague lol.If getting married was cool and talked abot differently men would be real about it.I know guys that aren't getting any and still don't want to get married lmbo so its not even about playing the field for most cause they still don't lol. It's like lets say you have a wife

    • and she tells you to your face that she loves your a** but then she gets in public and people are making fun of them and she doesn't say anything or worse joins in and not just once but every time she gets together with her girls, or what if it was about you sexual performance maybe a man would care if it was that lol. Its just annoying and frustrating lol. Don't get me wrong I don't walk around everyday fthinking of this just a question I thought of for men's opinion.

  • okay simple answer... peter pan dies... and mr brady takes his place... :) you give up all the joys of be wild and free to become a grown up. Most men don't hate it... Anymore than women do.. But it's a trade off... Like leaving school and getting a job it's a turning point... I mean we all wish we could go back to school or be a kid again... Same thing... Don't read too much into it... Men are way easier to figure out then you think.. :)

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  • succubus leave us alone. I think if I don't ask please don't ask me. I don't believe in church or state so why do I have to go to them to profess my love. Its bullsh*t to me. That's why I'm scared. Cause I you came at me with that I would wonder why you don't know me enough to leave me alone with that crap.

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    • I always wonder why when it comes to marriage now making things legal is now an issue.Would you not sign the birth certificate of your child too because you don't need to profess that its your son?Did you not get a drivers license because you don't need state saying when you can and can't drive?How'd you feel if your daughter came home and told you that her boyfriend told her what you are saying would you accept your theory then?(cause your child will be more open to that since that's all she knows.

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    • Thats a great point that I never considered. It is good to know that you are doing something that is just right for you but that you do not necessarily say marriage is bad, if that's what you're saying, even though you feel its not right for you. That's cool. Most people just say that the idea is marriage is bad period. I guess I just wish that the men that were for marriage would speak up more.So far all the men that have responded hate marriage lol.

    • well thank you

  • it's not that bad, at least for some guys it's not. I like it personally. if the women have something good to offer.

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  • So... I've been happily married for over 10 years. Looking back, I regret nearly every second of it.

    Sorry this is months late. I'm curious how you feel about it now.

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  • I'm 43 and been happily married for 13 years. I think my wife is great.

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    • Yes, finally. When I thought ALL hope was gone lol. I have a follo-up question and I hope you don't mind but do make married jokes with your friends? like the ole ball and chain jokes or make statements like you getting married was you surrendering lol (just saying some of the ones I've heard)

  • umm no its not a death sentence, its a life sentence

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  • beacuse it takes the broad horizon they have and makes it very narrow and time consuming to get out off its as simple as that

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  • I'd like to meet the guy who invented sex, if only to find out if he is married.

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  • If you find out your living with a deadly disease have a bunch of kids and your wife doesn't see the importance of living a healthy lifestyle it's a death sentence. No way around it even if you get divorced your still done for

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  • Its because the night after she becomes a nagger, puts on weight, and is always too tired for having sex.

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  • I was always against the idea of marriage but I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with the girl I'm with now. And if marriage is what it'll take then I think I would.

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    • Unfortunately this is kind of what I mean.It's like you're surrending because its what "she" wants as if you wouldn't if she didn't require it.Divorce rates are high but would you actually be OK introducing the same woman as your girlfriend for the rest of your life even if she allowed it?All the reasons men think they are preventing from making it legal are the same reasons you should want it.A man not wanting to be tied down by paper also makes it easier for her to just walk away too.

    • @ QA > would you actually be OK introducing the same woman as your girlfriend for the rest of your life

      Absolutely. It is about how you treat each other, not about whether some state or religion sanctions your union.

    • MandMandM.Its about setting up a foundation for your fam.Marriage is legally upheld like it or not,God forbid,something happened to you today your family would have claim to your assets.Try that not married(even with Will your family may still have to fight to claim).Its like saying why sign birth certificate of my kid to prove to the government that I'm the father(you'd don't HAVE to sign a birth certificate so why do you?)Would you be OK if your daughter came home with guy that won't marry her?

What Girls Said 6

  • I don't know about death sentence.

    Most of my cousins and my older sister are married and quite happily so. Some of them even have a few children.

    My sister's husband has never acted like being married was a death sentence, if anything. Yeah with divorce rates being what the are, and from personal experience (being a child of divorce myself) I can see why men aren't so eager to marry women anymore.

    Back in the "good old days" when people hardly got divorced, it's because it was frowned upon. Hell in some countries it's still frowned upon. Because women in those countries and men in those countries worry more about their reputation in society as "partners", if they got divorced, the community would speculate and the last thing the couple wants is it becoming a public affair.

    My mother divorced my dad and seriously, hijacked his fiances like no one's business. She lied, she stole, and she whined the whole way for cash (because of addiction reasons, I won't go into it) which she pissed away on herself. Child support was basically her fun money.

    So I can see why men would think that women would be after money when it comes to splitting up. Because it happens a lot. In real life and in media.

    Truth is, in this day and age, you're more likely to get divorced anyway because if you do, there's always someone else. Why marry in that case.

    Hell, I'm all for a domestic partnership or a marriage under common law.

    Just because you don't get the stupid certificate and the whole bru-haha that is getting married doesn't mean men fear being married.

    Besides, it's cheaper to just cut out the whole wedding anyway, get married by a judge and jump on a plane to Margaritaville and f*** like rabbits the whole night.

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    • I agree regarding the perception of marriage.I am a product of divorced parents as well and I still don't blame it on "marriage" itself it was just those 2 people.What I am challenging is that the "new man's" bright idea to not get married so they can avoid this doesn't work,there's still custody,child support to deal with.I just think tis funny that women endured decades of injustice on the oppossite side of the winning table and women didn't start prenups and stop getting married but now its them

    • losing court cases now marriage is the problem lol.And even if for every 2 women that are doing wrong their is actually a woman that is getting justice from actually being compensated for her part in the marriage.

    • I think somewhere there's plenty of men willing to support their children with child support, divorces are costly anyway, so one might as well just get separated. Plus the court system (in my experience) favors the mother over the father, in my case, my mother forfeited time for $$$. But that was decided between them and not the court. But I don't think all men or a majority have a fear of marriage, times are just a wee bit different is all.

  • not all women want marriage either. men are not insulting ALL women by not getting married. YOU however are by sating ALL women want marriage & ALL women are offended by men not wanting to be with them. You make women sound pathetic, and I would be a hypocrite to get bothered by it, so I wont. I am just informing you. It is best if you speak for yourself.

    As far as I am concerned, its immature for anyone to demand someone want to get married. It is even more absurd for someone to get married just because they are supposed to or because they are bored. And no person has to be the old person at a club. I don't even go to clubs.

    Not everyone lives in cosmo magazine. some people do other things then date f*** get married and make dinner go to the office gain weight & blame everyone else because their life sucks.

    jut don't marry a guy who is making you feel like you are forcing him to do something because its complete bullsh*t. it I his choice to get married or not get married it is your choice to marry guy who respects you and your marriage, instead f whining and try to change a guy clearly does not have the same values as you.

    find a guy who respects you instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing in their home. You won't find any universal solution here. A lot of people don't see the point of marriage. There s no right or wrong, Its just life.

    If you want to marry fond a guy who genuinely wants to marry.

    You can't force people to want to marry & if you force them against their will, well, that would account for all the abuse, divorce, alcoholism-- found in marriages.

    You know what they call it when everyone HAS (compulsory) to do the same thing in a society?

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  • As a girl on that side of the coin I can tell you one thing. Marriage is HELLA scary! It comes with so much responsibility! I rather run than do it, to be honest. It means being intimate with someone else, it means sharing everything, it means breaking down walls and being super vulnerable. Oh I know, such horrible things...

    But seriously, it is. It's a scariness with no comparison. Nevermind the if we get divorced she gets half anyway even if she didn't' deserve it!

    I told the boyfriend I want nothing from him, just him. If we got married and then divorced, I wouldn't take anything that wasn't mine. I don't need to...

    but a lot of girls aren't like me...they want to take him for what he's worth, doesn't matter why or what...they feel entitled to his stuff which is now 'their' stuff.

    I love the boyfriend, I do! But marry him? god... I just got cold sweat! It's too much to handle for a girl with intimacy issues...

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  • You're not alone!

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  • i have the exact opposite problem with my boyfriend.

    3 months into the relationship and he's already joking about us getting married :(

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    • Yeah that's not the oppossite.That is the worst kind of the what I am referring to.I had a boyfriend that did the same thing.The ones that bring it up to you but to other people and their friends still make it seem like its not their idea and if another guy makes jokes about marriage he will still laugh and not speak up that he wants to be married or enjoys married life, its like a code they have to act like they don't want to be married when they are around each other lol.

  • Most guys want to sleep with as many women as possible before they die. Marriage will considerably limit that number, even if there is a divorce. The cost of living has also skyrocketed, so there is more pressure for a married man nowadays to bring home the bacon, especially if the wife does not work or makes a very small amount of money.

    I don't understand why so many women are desperate to get married though. I guess it must be biologically ingrained in them to want to have children, and no one wants to raise a family by herself.

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    • I actually disagree.Most men once they reach a certain age or even status in their career want to be married and have a family.They really don't want to be 50 still in the club.Ive met men that want marriage more than women and I know men that are afraid of diseases and babies that try to have more sex with less women aka relationships even if they don't want to call it that lol.You are right about desperation for women,unfortunately we have an expiration date for kids and men don't get that either

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    • The drivel being that men know that women expire when it comes to having children.

    • Only if the women with children let themselves go after...but if you think about it biologically women are done after they reproduce, so really why do you need to keep attracting men if you've done your job, so to speak? That's what's cruel about the whole pregnancy thing. Unfortunately, mothers are still women, so of course they still want sex and a relationship, even if there's loose skin and a couple extra pounds on them. :-/

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