Should I marry him? Should I stand my ground?

I have been with my fiance for 4 years. But it seems the closer and closer we get to the wedding, the less and less he seems to appreciate me. We have drama on the side also. We disinvited his sister from the wedding because she is bipolar and harrassed me (threatening phone calls, facebook posts etc.) because she was convinced that I was going to steal her son away from her just like I stole her brother away. She has treated him (my fiance) like crap all his life. When we first got together he had really low self esteem. So I told him to stand up for himself. Which he did leading to her rampage on me and the disinvitation. Now his family keeps pressuring him to invite her. I could care less if he really wanted her to come, I mean its still his sister. But I don't like the fact his family is trying to strong arm him into inviting her. I also don't like the fact that his family doesn't consider my feelings in the equation either. I am going to be his wife so they should also consider not only his feelings but mine also. I mean she cursed our wedding, and said she hoped that we get divorced or that I die. I don't really want someone like that in the front row on our special day. If she disapproves our union then she shouldn't be there. I want to allow her to come for the sake of my fiance, but shouldn't his family respect our wishes? Should I have the right to tell him not to invite his sister? Should he understand? I don't know I'm lost. But it seems to me he is paying less and less attention to me since the ordeal. He isn't as loving anymore...like he just knows ill be his forever so why put in the effort anymore...And whenever I try to talk to him about it he freaks out...tells me I'm overreacting...but if he can't regard my feelings and stand up for them...how are we going to make a marriage work? Or is this just the curse of his sister coming true? I am at a loss. I love him more then air...but I can't spend a marriage with someone else, feeling alone...sigh what should I do?

Updates:
Thanks for the suggestions. I sat down and talked with my fiance. More like fought with lol. But we are at least communicating now. He said that he understands my stress level and she can't come. He asked her simply to apologize but she refuses.
...so she is not sposed' to come but we heard from the family she is showing up no matter what we say. So I am more worried about my family fighting with her more then anything. Sigh...well at least my fiance and I are standing together now...
I don't know where she is going to sit at the reception since its all assigned seating...at this point I am so frustrated I don't care if she comes. It blows my mind that she can't just say she's sorry and she plans on crashing the wedding...
...now the question is should I have her stopped at the door and not allowed in? Or should I just let her and my family go at it. Sigh... this is sposed' to be the happiest day of my life. I shouldn't have to worry about fights breaking out...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's really hard on your part if your in a situation were a family member of your future husband is against your relationship specially the marriage..Your making your guy choose over you and his sister.But the truth is at the end of the day, in your current relationship the 2 of your are the ones who is there to help and understand each other..both of you handle the relationship..not the relatives..If your guy doesn't understand that knowing she will ruin the wedding you better thinks of calling it off.. so what if she says she will jinx or ruin the marriage if your guy can't put a socket to her sister's runts you won't have a decent marriage..Some couple go the distance just to prove to their families that they want each other and make things work..Unless he stands up for you marrying him won't be worth it but if you still want this to work try to cancel this or postpone the wedding before you regret any decisions further..You can't make his sister like you..if she acts like a psychopath then leave her alone..your relationship is not with her but his brother

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    • Give her the opposite and let her show up at the reception or whatever, just don't stoop down to her level and be cordial..if she is there to ruin things up then I guess she will have a problem with her brother and your future in-laws..no need to block her from coming just focus with your festivities on the occasion..Advance congratulations

What Guys Said 3



  • Ok, let's start by saying that I'm seeing this from a completely unbiased point of view and I don't have the full information about what has happened but here's the rub, I think it is almost impossible for a guy to get married and to NOT have his sister at the wedding. I understand what your saying, I understand that a whole load of bad things have been said and happened but she is after all his sister and she should be there.

    Imagine your husband to be had a big problem with your sister, brother or one of your parents, would you agree to getting married if he said he didn't want them there? What if it was your own Mum, if he said he didn't want your Mum there?

    There are two options here as I see it, both involving there sister and with a scenario you might agree to.

    First is to have her only at the service and not the reception which to be honest is when it will kick off it it's going to, more relaxed , had a drink, etc.

    The second is to tell your man that you want to put the wedding on hold, if he can only marry you with her there you need to delay it until a time when you can both talk and spend time in the same room without the anger and arguments.

    Either way you CANNOT marry this guy and risk in any way her ruining your own and only wedding, you need to get her in a room, (with the family there) speak to her in a reasonable tone and get her to agree that she will come and not disrupt the event in the slightest way. if you can't speak to her and get her to do this this then you just know she's going to sit quiet so there's no way you can go through with a wedding knowing that's going to happen.

    I think it is totally unfair to say to your husband to be she cannot come to the wedding, but it IS fair for you to absolutely insist that she speaks to you first and agrees that she will come and behave herself for those few hours.

    You have to remember that your not just marrying this man, your marying his family too and they ALL will be in your life everyday from now on, she will be your family, she will be your sister in law and you need to get things put right now, don't let this ruin your entire life and married relationship.

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    • I am going to try and sit down with her. With the family because I found out she's planning to show up whether or not we invite her. I am just worried that my family and her are going to go at it. She says a lot of passive aggressive comments all the time, usually directed towards me. My family is all about respect so its not even a matter of what she's going to do but what my family will do if she acts salty.

  • Your saying your husband to be is standing by you so why are you now still dealing with this?

    How about (bear with me on this one) passing the whole issue to him? This is his family right now, it's his sister so give it him to sort out.

    I personally think is absolutely crazy that you are having to deal with her when you have enough on your plate, it's always the women who organise 99% of weddings so give this one thing to him.

    Look, this whole thing is crazy, it's stupid.

    You absolutely cannot go through the 'best day of your life' and have this woman destroy it and I will bet a million dollars that's what she's out to do, listen what she's saying, see how she's bahaving, she doesn't want to apologise, she doesn't want to discuss it but STILL insists she comes to the wedding so what does that tell you? Seriously, what does it tell you?

    It tells you that her one objective is to cause chaos, to stop the wedding and make it a nightmare so it now seems to have no option but to completely stop her being there.

    You either get married secretly, you get married abroad or you put it on hold.

    Even if you have somebody on the door she'll still get to you, she can't watch every door, you can't trust that somebody won't let her in and what happens when you go for photos, etc?

    You can't go on like this, you can't spend this whole day on edge waiting for her to burst on screaming and let's face it, it's 100% clear now that that's what she's planning to do.

    Tell your man you will not marry him until you know for a fact that in no way will she come anywhere near your wedding, you want proof and not just to be fobbed off that she said she wont. Give him this problem and tell him he has to sort it or there will be no wedding.

    You simply cannot get married and enjoy the day with this hanging over you.

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  • im just gonna give you the down low on this

    1.) Communication is the key to long term relationships. Talk to him about your discomforts, you guys have been together for 4 years you guys shouldn't be hiding your feelings.

    2.) You said it, his sis is bi polar, she is bound to say stuffs but she is still his sister. Weddings are just ceremonies to mark something already printed in stones in our hearts. Love conquers all.

    3.) I can obviously see you love him, but does he still love you? I do tell people, if you have any slight remorse about a wedding then call it off because every argument you have after the wedding you would always think "what if" you took that decision.

    4.) The decision is solely yours, this website can't give you an answer.

    Goodluck love bug! lol!

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