A friend outside of marriage?

Some females are going to say this is wrong but here is the question If your marriage is dead and don't care to fix it just going through the day to day life until your kids are older then going to divorce. Is it wrong to have a friend out side of your marriage you don't have any physical contact with this other person just. Texting, pictures, and late night phone calls is this truly wrong. And is there any females in the same boat I am in that feel there marriage is more of a job then a life and don't have much pleasure in it just can't leave it right now for many different reasons? Or am I alone here


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends on whether or not this is alright with your wife. I think you need to discuss your marriage with her and decide together whether you are BOTH ready to give up and get a divorce or separate, or whether you want to keep trying. You are still in a marriage, and you have to face that fact rather than running away from it.

    Personally I don't support the idea of staying together for the sake of your kids. It's true that it's best for children to live with both of their parents, but if your marriage is dead, your home is already broken. Your children will pick up on the fact that something isn't right between you and your wife; they're very intuitive and in tune with their families and surroundings. They aren't as oblivious as you may think they are. And they will survive a divorce or separation; just make sure you and their mother both reassure them that it's not their fault, you love them, they'll still get to see both of you, etc. You're not doing your kids any favors by faking for them.

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    • And if they find out that you are cheating in any form on their mother, that will scar them for life. Seriously, a clean break will be better for ALL parties involved.

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    • Talking to her brother only thing that bothers her about me talking to females is I met someone and push the devorce before het citizenship she won't say it but talking to him that's were it is believe me she is not a angel she has cheated in the past that's why we are were we are. We tried to work it out to much damage was done I never cheated. Only thinking of finding a friend to talk to

    • You can find a "friend to talk to" without involving any sexual/romantic stuff which could be inappropriate considering your marital status. There's nothing wrong with having a true platonic friend. But I still insist that it is wrong to do anything sexual without clearing it with your wife first and coming to an agreement. Who cares if she's not an angel? Two wrongs don't make a right.

What Girls Said 5

  • Even if you're not "physical" with this woman, doesn't mean its okay. ou are still cheating on your wife emotionally which is just as painful. If you're not happy in your marriage you can either TRY to fix it, or get a divorce, what you're doing is WRONG.

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    • I didn't say it's wrong but are marriage is dead there is no life there we both could care less what each other does we never speak to each other can set in the same room and not say a word. If we devorced now she would have to move back to Europe we me when I worked over seas and if we devorvce she will have to leave the USA we have kids she can not take then because there citizens here and that's nt far to them. We have not kissed in over 6 months

    • well then "separate" but don't divorce. Move out move on.

  • I think you should be honest with your wife, though you don't really talk it isn't fair to go behind her back. Tell her everything with this other woman, and if she doesn't care, then fine. If she does care, you should really talk things out and get some professional help with your marriage.

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    • As I said below my wife and I met overseas and if we devorce she will have to leave the USA she can not take the kids as They are citiens here I am only married still because it would nit be far for her to loose the kids because she has to move so it's not me wanting to be bad I am trying to live my life and not hurt the kids by there mother leaving because of a temp visa statues

    • well even then I think you should be honest, after all she is your wife. if she is okay with everything you are doing then continue your life as normal. if she cares, you should get marriage counselling.

  • It's wrong. If you don't want to be married, leave. Your kids know when mom & dad don't have a good, loving marriage, don't kid yourself. You are not doing them a favor. And if you cheat, you WILL DO MORE DAMAGE TO THEM THEN YOU CAN IMAGE.

    DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF!

    If you are not happy, another woman is not going to make you happy. Go to a couples therapist with your wife. If you don't want to work on your marriage, end it.

    Do not set the example for your children of how to be a cheater.

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    • This is exactly what I think. What you're doing isn't healthy, don't set an example of faking, hiding, and cheating for your kids.

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    • See it's not about finding anything strange don't want sex from a different person just a friend someone to talk to. We both know it's over. But how selfish would I be if I devorced her knowing she will be deported and not see the kids. When I can stick it out for 4 years let her get legal and just talk to someone else and FYI I haven't spoken or touched anyone else ever

    • Oh, my, my, my. If you have all of the answers already, why did you waste our time mr. annon.? And you don't just want a female friend to "talk" to. Yeah, right. Your kids will know, People will talk, word gets around. Just remember that. Do the right thing.

  • i think your kids would notice and that wouldn't be good. kids know more then we think/ don't let them figure out that you are with another girl by them hearing your phone conversation and stuff

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  • What are some of the reasons you say you can't leave your marriage right now?

    I'm curious because I have a great friend I've known for years. He recently contacted me and I think he may be in your similar situation, but he won't honestly talk to me about what's going on. He is very loyal to his wife, never says anything bad about her...but it seems he's planning for the short term (he has asked on several occasions to meet with me, though he insists only platonically...but I doubt that. I'm not interested in dating a married man. He knows this.)...and I suspect he may be contemplating leaving in the long-term, after the kids are gone. He's never said that, it's just my hunch. Your perspective would help me understand his reasoning. Thanks.

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What Guys Said 1

  • a marriage isn't technically dead until its over, it's just lost its flame.

    also, it matters if she still cares about you or not. if yes, then think real hard about it. if not, don't even bother waiting for the kids. living in a house with someone that you don't give a sh*t about for years on end can do much more damage than just ending it. sure, the kids will be sad, but it's better than teaching then to stay with someone they can't freaking stand just to make someone else happy.

    my advice. get a divorce lawyer.

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