Marriage already??

I'm 17, soon to be 18, and my boyfriend just turned 20. we've been dating for almost 10 months and still going strong. I love him soooo much, and I know he feels the same way, but he's my first boyfriend that lasted more than 3 weeks, and I gave him my virginity. I want to spend my life with him, but I've never really thought about marriage, and he's droping major hints that he's getting me 'the ring'for my birthday. He's also asked that I move in with him when I turn 18.( currently I live with on my own, but my parents pay my rent, as they moved out of town) All this is happening so fast!Ive asked to wait until I'm out of highschool to move in, even he he does ask me to marry him, for many reasons, including stress levels, homework, and wanting a semi-normal grad year. He says ok, but I know he doesn't understand why, and is hurt by it. For the average person, is this moving to fast? Should I wait? Should I move in? Pls help


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are moving way too fast for a seventeen year old. I dated a boy in high school for 2.5 years. I was convinced that he was THE ONE and that we would be together forever. He constantly talked about how we would spend our lives together. We broke up halfway through freshman year of college. I don't even speak to him anymore because I have grown up so much since we dated and I no longer remember what I saw in him at the time.

    I tell you this story to show you how someone who can but such a HUGE part of our lives one year can be completely out of our lives the next. You are far too young to be thinking about marriage and moving in with your boyfriend. If things are so great in your relationship, then he should respect that you are very young and need to experience life and make your own choices before settling down.

    You can continue to date him and love him just the same while living with a friend or anyone but him. Perhaps in a few years (say 5 or 6) you will know more about yourself (as in who you are and what you want out of life) and you will be able to make that commitment. I don't know if you've read up on the stats lately, but about half of marriages end in divorce and the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced.

    Good luck.

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What Guys Said 1

  • WAIT.

    Your life is going to change very, very rapidly, very, very soon. In a few years you'll be completely different from who you are right now.

    If he really is "The one," there is no harm in waiting. I would wait AT LEAST another year and see how you feel towards him then.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Depends on what you consider average. My parents met and married in 6 months, and this was 26 years ago. However, they were much older than you are now (dad was 22 and my mum was 24). But, at 17 and this being your only relationship to make it past 3 weeks, it's probably moving to fast. You could still be in that "puppy love" stage where everything is rainbows and unicorns. I know for me, a 10 month relationship isn't long enough for me to say yes to a marriage proposal. I need more from a guy that just words, and after 10 months, for me anyway, that's all it would feel like.

    I have a theory on how old a person should be before getting married or having kids. Well, it's more of a personal choice. Anyway, my thought on it is if you're not old enough to walk into a liquor store without a legal guardian, buy a pack of cigarettes, get a piercing/tattoo without parental permission, or vote, you're probably not old enough to get married or have kids. I know too many people who had their first child at 16 or 17 (or even younger) or who have gotten engaged and married by 18, and I have seen those relationships go down in flames. They aren't speaking to the father/mother of their child(ren), and/or they are currently going through a divorce.

    At 17, you should be getting ready to graduate high school and go to university. Finding yourself and figuring out what you want to be, not tying yourself to one person. The nice thing about dating when you're young is you can figure out exactly what you want in a man. And at 17, and having only had one relationship longer than 3 weeks, how can you know what you want in a man?

    Just my two cents.

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  • i know for me it would be too fast. before either of us hit 18, my boyfriend and I were convinced we were going to be together forever, and were talking about marriage. we also decided, though, that we needed to wait until we were out of school, with steady incomes and such. five years later, we're nearly to that point (a few months away) and he recently proposed. so yes, it can happen, but it is rare. if it is meant to be, you two will still be there for each other in a few years, and can think about marriage then.

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  • yes, you should wait. He may be the one for you, but think about how your life will be, forever wondering what it would have been like if you had ever lived life as an independent adult? Are you even planning on going to college? These days you can't even get a job as a secretary without a degree. I'm 19 and although I have marriage on the mind, I see it as an end-goal, something to do in my twenties, so right now I'm looking for relationship experience that will help me to be a better person by the time I am married.

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  • WAIT! Don't move in until you are married!

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  • please wait! ik you love him but clearly somethings holding you back. now divorce rates are higher with couples who move in with each other before marriage. and your only 18!. the whole fun of being married is then choosing a house together but not before then. explain to him that you love him deeply but at this point in your life you still want to retain some sort of independence. so to answer ur question, I believe it is moving a little to fast.wait till you at least finish your 4 years of college. don't you want friends and the college fun that comes with living with a roomate and such. if your not gunna live at your college then you still should be able to live independently for now

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