My marriage is in trouble, advice?

My Husband left me 6 months ago, he has been battling an addiction with Marijuana, an addiction which he is not admitting to and seems too find continual excuses for,such as saying "he needs it to be able work and function during the day" he also compares his addiction to me having one glass of wine or a cigarette.

The root of my hurt, frustration and anger stems from the loss of my brother, who had battled the exact same addiction which only had resulted in extreme depression which lead to suicide...

My husband had been full aware of my loss, my hurt, my anger and my fear with Marijuana and the effects of it due to my loss of my brother, he hid his addiction from our relationship/marriage for years until one day I happened to find out, and since that day I have been trying to fight the monkey on his back (his addiction).

I know that at times my anger and frustration and lack tolerance came from my fear that I was going to loss another person I love.

I tried everything I could, I cried, I begged and pleaded with him to understand why, however his addiction was far more important than me and our marriage.

It's been coming up too 7 months now since we haven't been living together, however we have been in contact and I attempted to salvage our marriage and tried to be there for him.

A month ago it came too a point for me that his lack of commitment for me and our marriage aren't his priority, his main priority was everything and everyone else.

He tell me he loves me, and then says we have no future together, he says his sorry for letting me down, however he takes it back and blames me for all our marital problems, at this point I'm very confused as he keeps pushing me and then pulling me back in? I always feel like contacting him and he is ignoring me and not giving me anything anymore...Im not sure what to do? Is this repairable? I'm very confused as I still love him...

Updates:
f you are addicted to marijuana your comments are not welcome. Only people with a clear mind are welcome to comment. I have heard all the excuses under the sun and don't need to hear anymore.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh wow girl ... Sorry for you putting up with these high asses... OK girl I am a recovering alcoholic addict for seven years now... So please understand that I do understand... POINT one is YOU can't help him... You can get help for yourself ofcourse and work on you... He needs to find his crashing point and having a sweetie like you is not going to sink through until you lay down the order... Make some clear boundries and if he breaks them than DO NOT back down...

    Honey it is time for you to move on do yourself... I know you love him and I am sure he loves you but just cannot get to a point of putting you back on top where you belong...

    I lost my entire family four kids house ect... I still did not get all of it back ... I did however find out that my selfishness killed everything I loved because I did not stop until I was completely alone ! If your strong enough to want to continue putting up with that than disapointment is in your future...

    Nothing can be said to him that he will hear , He needs to know your moving on without him... Honey DO YOU ! your more important than any HIGH ASS ... please get help for yourself girly...

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    • Ha ha you are one cool dude! Thanks for your sensible advise.

    • Anytime honey, stand up and do you : ),

    • let me guess which two highasses voted...

What Guys Said 2

  • There is crucial information missing here. Marijuana is being used as an excuse by both sides. This marriage would still be in trouble without the marijuana. Until all the issues are clear, the problem cannot be solved.

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  • ? MARIJUANA ADDICTION? Not possible. Plus it is not a depressant. He may be choosing to smoke over you.

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    • Marijuana.. also known as WEED - A plant considered undesirable, unattractive, troublesome..growing where it's unwanted..Weed is useless and worthless and that's exactly what it does... You obviously smoke and have no idea of what effects it has on self and those who love & care about you!... Perhaps you need to take a closer look at self and your train of your train of thoughts, I lost my brother due to his pot causing mental health issues! & to choose smoke over love QUESTIONABLE. Take care

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    • I have attended meetings, forums and truth be told I work in mental health. I do not have an issue with casual use of marijuana, however when you smoke marijuana every 2-3 hours of your day, on a day to day basis, I wouldn't be laughing at that!

    • WHAT ARE YOU HIGH? your on the wrong sight she is looking for help and your acting like the person she's hurting over... Go stick your head in the oven while the adults talk ! DA

What Girls Said 2

  • Marijuana can only be psychologically addicting... it's not an addictive drug like heroine/cocaine/meth/etc. You might not agree with the use of marijuana, but I think you're blowing it out of proportion, probably because you feel that you lost your brother because of it. While I'm sorry for your loss, I don't think the marijuana had much to do with it. I think you have deeper issues in your marriage than his pot smoking.

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    • I think your contradicting yourself, in one sentence you said it's psychologically addicting and on the other hand you're saying it's not an addictive drug, however if you need too wake up in the morning and smoke weed to get you through the day, that's not recreational, that's an addiction... I took my husband o/seas recently 2 get him away from it, he still managed 2 get his hands on it.. so what do you call that? Please do not be sorry for my loss as you are still finding and excuse for weed

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    • absolutely ANONYMOUS in need, I am appauled as well, don't worry about them they already forgot what they wrote,lol (timetowaste) very apropiate name !

    • I don't even smoke weed. But the FACT is that marijuana IS NOT an addictive drug. You can have a craving for the feeling, but you obviously are uneducated if you don't know the difference between psychologically addicting, and an addictive drug. If you don't like his habits, you CANNOT CHANGE IT. If you don't like it, leave. There's nothing you can do to make him change if smoking weed is what he wants to do. Wake up and smell the f***ing roses, sweetie.

  • I'm sorry that you're going through this, it doesn't matter whether weed is addictive or not. The problem is that it's addictive for your husband. So, in my opinion, try to get him to rehab or try to get someone else to talk to him. It's difficult, I can understand. But, you are not alone there's help out there. If he doesn't change, unfortunately, you have to let him go and wait until he hits rock bottom and then he'll search for help himself. This is the best advice I can give you. Lots of luck.

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