Are kids and marriage a make or break deal?

Say if months or years into dating someone you started talking about kids and marriage and you found out they didn't want kids, marriage or either would it be a deal breaker?

  • Yes kids and marriage are big
    50% (9)40% (4)46% (13)Vote
  • No its not a big deal
    22% (4)40% (4)29% (8)Vote
  • Yes I at least want kids
    11% (2)20% (2)14% (4)Vote
  • Other (please explain)
    17% (3)0% (0)11% (3)Vote
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Updates:
I have been seeing a guy for a few months and I knew he wasn't ready for kids (not a big deal I have a 4 year old already) but now he said he doesn't want kids and will probably never get married all because his brother married the girl he got pregnant within months of meeting and they divorced fairly soon after their kid was born and he now has a grand total of 5 kids from 4 women

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not to me, because I don't want kids, either. But if the guy I'm seeing did and felt that it was a dealbreaker, I'd understand.

    It sounds like your boyfriend is just jaded from seeing his brother's irresponsibility with marriage and pregnancy... It's not like he is going to follow in his brother's footsteps if he's smarter than that. Maybe he'll change his mind as you two grow closer.

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What Guys Said 8

  • most men your age will not seriously date a women with a 4 year old maybe f*** and have a good time but you should really go older 35 plus

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    • an older man is how I got my 4 year old... my boyfriend is closer to my age has never pushed me for sex and acctally waits till I want sex with him... I'm in control of when and were we have sex and I have been since day 1, I also knew from day 1 he's not ready for kids but the shock was he told me he doesn't see him self ever having kids or being married, I know that when he's ready he may want kids or to get married but till then I don't blame him for waiting,

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    • i also didn't say I want more kids and want to ever get married again, I would just like the option that if I would like kids or want to be married that it could happen, I'm 24 been married twice given birth to 3 amazing girls put my first two up for adoption because my first husbands family droped me the min he died and took everything he left me and my kids, My second husband and I only rushed getting married because I was pregnant and that ended up in divorce within 4 years.

    • man id say stay single for ten years try this thing out again later

  • It would have been a major deal breaker. We talked a lot about this for that very reason. It was so important to me that I needed her to be in agreement.

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  • It's not a big deal as long as we love each other and do our best to stay happy. Besides, who knows what will happen for certain. Most only think about the now when they reflect to the future and they know they don't want kids/marriage now and think they'll stay like that forever in the future. I know for certain I don't care either way myself lol. I generally don't like kids, but it'd be nice to have one I think and try and raise one right.

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  • its a deal breaker for me and I try to talk about deal breakers as soon as possible

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  • Yes, I definitely want to have kids some day with the woman I'm going to marry.

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  • no its not because I want to get married and have kids

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  • yes it would be a deal breaker because I love kids and I would love to have kids and you can't have kids until your married anyways so it goes hand in hand

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    • why can't people have kids before they are married ?

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    • this guy knows what its about

    • I live with my boyfriend and have for months we were just room mates then things just progressed, and I could never marry anyone I haven't lived with because what's to say when you live together your going to get along as well as you did when you wernt living together and its a lot more expensive to divorce then break up before your married when you know thinks won't work.

  • I think in dating or a relationship there is a process so to speak of things like this that are determined earlier rather than later which keep this from happening to often.

    huh...I am positive I could have thought of an easier way to say that but anywho

    The only deal breaker in that situation would be the unwillingness or inability to compromise. I have to say that the phrase "too many hands in the cookie jar" has begun to take an overwhelming toll on the world...Politics and Religion have had their hand in way too many cookie jars and I think when it comes to eternal happiness and true love, well, I do not think walking down an aisle in front of a priest truly verifies or strengthens things and if your not that strong of a couple you should also not have kids anyways...

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What Girls Said 8

  • It would be disappointing for me, but I'm not sure it'd be a deal breaker. I think marriage and kids are both important to me, however, I'd imagine the guy I'm with would be important to me too. We'd have to talk about it, and hopefully we reach some sort of compromise. I would want to know why he doesn't want those things, and explain why I do. Anyway, it's very possible I'll change my mind in the future, I'm way too young for all that.

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  • It SHOULD be a deal breaker but it usually isn't. Having a child affects both partners probably more than anything else will, and IMO you shouldn't have a child unless both partners want one and their relationship is rock solid. I applaud you for even bringing up the subject to your partner, as most young women/men do not, and then find themselves in a sticky situation when the woman gets pregnant. Yes you should be in love with your partner when considering commitment and marriage, but most people leave out the 'logic' of their relationship. Children is something that should be discussed a LONG time before two partners commit. It's possible that later down the road he might change his mind, and if you're willing to stick with him until HE is also ready for such things that is up to you. But it is risky, he may never change his mind.

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  • For me, it would be a break deal. In the future, I do want to get married and have children. If my So doesn`t want the same things then we`re not exactly compatible, are we? To me, both are important and I want to share that with my SO. If he doen`t want the same things as me, I woul dtry compromisisng but in the end, I think it would be a deal breaker.

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  • (No its not a big deal)

    I would like to get married but that's in my distant future, and I wouldn't break up with a guy if he didn't want to get married but I would like a commited relationship.

    I don't even know for sure yet if I want kids so if I fall for a guy who doesn't want kids I won't break up with him just for that but then if I fall for a guy who wants kids then we'll have kids. I don't know my future and I don't know if I will ever feel differently.

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  • Well not wanting to get married isn't a deal breaker for me. I'd really love to get married some day, but if it means that I have to give up the person I really want to be with for it, then that would defeat the purpose of marriage to begin with. I'm not sure whether or not I want to have kids in the future. So for now it's not a deal breaker if the guy doesn't want kid. But if I do decide that I want kids later on, then it would be a deal breaker.

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  • yes it would. I really want to be married and have children. I'd be heartbroken if my partner didn't feel the same way.

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  • Marriage no, but kids yes.

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  • If neither partner is willing to compromise, of course it will be a deal breaker.

    I'm young and right now I don't think I need "marriage" in the legal sense is integral, it won't make my love any more or less legitimate in my eyes, and I'm not entirely sure I want to start a family. It's something that will need to be discussed for sure.

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