How to break off an engagement?

OK so I've been with my now fiance for close to 4 years, we've been engaged for 8 months. In the beginning everything was sunshine and rainbows and perfect but the more I fell for him, the worse he seemed to treat me. Making me pay for everything, making me sleep on the floor in his room because there apparently wasn't enough room for me in his queen sized bed, and a bunch of other little things. Slowly I started to realize that he's really just a selfish jerk, who abuses me mentally and emotionally, but I'm so deeply invested into the relationship that it seems like a waste to just give up. I've tried to work on things but nothing changes. I never get to go out with any of my friends because he has no friends so we spend weekends together, and on the rare occasion a friend asks me to go out or hand out during the week, he always makes me feel so guilty about it to the point that I end up ditching my friends just to sit at home and sulk. I know I still love him, and I always will, but I seriously doubt that I'm in love with him anymore. I know I'm doing this all to myself but I really just have no idea what to do at this point. I just don't see the relationship being able to progress anymore, but I can't stand the idea of not having him in my life anymore. Seriously stuck on what to do at this point! help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Deep down you know what you need to do.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You're in a codependent situation and actually your complicit behavior is making it worse for both of you. You're enabling him. It's very unfortunate. You have to tell him exactly what you said up there and then leave and not talk to him for months. You have to relearn how to live a healthy life that makes you feel fulfilled. It will be hard because you've become this other person to placate a miserable guy for years. You will eventually be as miserable as him if you don't take action.

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    • See the thing is, I know what I have to do, I'm just having a really hard time doing it... I'm beyond miserable, I always hold it in until one little thing sets me off, I blow up at him, end up looking like the bad person, and then it ends with ME apologizing to HIM... I don't know how to get out of the rut.

    • There's not going to be a good time to do it. No "golden opportunity". You're in free fall. Just gotta take a deep breath and leave.

  • wow. All I can say is gently and respectfully. It's going to hurt both of you no matter what.

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What Girls Said 1

  • break it off! I know you are attached to him, and it will suck to break up... it will hurt really bad, but just think about your future. do you want to be treated like that for the majority of the rest of your life?

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