My best friend is talking about getting engaged to this guy she's dated 7 months! WTF, I'll die if it happens!

OK so I am just too tired of my life... So my friend has been dating this guy for 7 months and she's saying that she thinks he's gonna lavalier her (pre-engagement) in a sorority. And it's so dumb I'm so tired of hearing about him, she said she loves him but I mean.. 7 months really?! And she lost her virginity to him so I assume that makes her attached too. But I'm just sick of it... If she gets engaged before me I will kill myself.. (not really, but I may as well). It's just annoying like she lost her virginity before me (I haven't even lost it yet) and now she might get engaged before me and she's been dating this loser for 7 mths!? Unreal! And no I can't be happy for her because I want to marry my boyfriend soon and have a baby

Updates:
No I'm not going anon... Idc
How am I supposed to make it better? I can't force my boyfriend to marry me.. believe me I have hinted at it months now.. we are long distance, so I can't just jump up and get engaged.. that will make my life better other than that there's nothing I can do. I mean when he comes here to see me I probably will have sex with him.. probably unprotected sex because if I get pregnant (we both want a baby) it will probably lead to marriage sooner but I don't even know if he will be able to come this
this summer so how am I supposed to make it better?
Ok bonus question, she wants me to meet this kid, I obviously don't want to so how do I get out of it... Everytime? I just want this situation to go away so I can move on lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • at first I thought that you were mad because she was gonna marry the guy after only 7 months. so I was thinking man that girl must be an idiot. then as I read on, I realized that you were more mad because she was doing these things before you and its sort of like a competitive thing and then realized: your the idiot.

    sorry to be so harsh but what is wrong with young girls these days? this is why the divorce rate is so high in our country. these are the petty thoughtless factors that some people base HUGE descisions on like marriage, instead of paying attention to what really matters. out of all the people I graduated with, ALL the girls were rushing as fast as they could to meet a guy, get a house, get married, and have some kids. it was like a track gun went off and they were all on a starting line. they were not going to be "out done" by their friends. and they all got together in their snobby groups and made fun of the girls who danced to the beat of their own drum. then they were in such a hurry that they forgot to realize that haven't even lived any of thier life yet and now they are 23 and followed each other into being trapped and never seen or done anything with their lives. fast forward over 10 years later...every single one of them (about 120 girls) except 2 that I know of are now divorced (cause they were in a hurry to pick out a guy based on their friends checklists), now have kids, struggling and miserable. they have not gone anywhere nor seen anything because they were in such a rush now it is hard to do anything because they have 3 kids and have to work all the time to support them. the girls they were making fun of took their time and got more education and traveled the world and have been everywhere and done everything and took their time to meet the PERFECT guy for them and didn't give a damn what everybody else was doing. and they are the ones that have the awesome lives and they are the ones that are laughing now. hope you don't end up like all those girls running "the race". but if you don't snap out of it stop worrying about what everybody else is doing, you probably both will. people can do all this young and early and it still work, but the kind of thinking you are doing based on your description...lets just say I wouldn't bet my money on your long term happiness.

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What Guys Said 8

  • i don't know if people will agree with me on this post but I will be honest. I sense jealousy with a hint of insecurity. honey go at your own pace. if its your friend's decision, let her do it. "loser for 7 months"? really? I've seen 3 weeks before and they wanted to get married. Don't run your life according to your friend's. if you want to loose your virginity and have a baby with your boyfriend, I wonder what is stopping you. bottom line. let your friend do her thing and make up YOUR OWN mind. if she is your true friend, she will listen to you if you discourage her, if not, then you have no choice but to support her. one way or the other, time will tell

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    • I am trying to discourage her like I discouraged her from having sex with him... But she did

    • if you compete with her, I will tell you right now that if SHE falls into a pit of trouble, guess who is diving in next to her. If she wants to rush ahead, you don't have to support her but softly remind her WHY she shouldn't yet. don't say "I THINK" because she will think you are being jealous and will continue. don't compete. you will hurt yourself and she will blame you if she gets hurt.

  • about your second update...please by all means, have sex with him unprotected and get pregnant and end up being one of the millions of single baby mamas out there. what in hell makes you think that will make him wanna hurry up and marry you? you think you feel bad now...try that plan and tell me 9 months later what the outcome was. I'm willing to bet he'll split. That's called trapping honey. and even if he decides to stay and get married, it will be because of the kid not you, he will hate you for it as well. oh and to top it off, he is long distance meaning at some point, you'll be with that kid all alone. Raising a baby is not just picking them up and saying "so cute".

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    • He wants children anyways... And I know what it takes to be a parent

    • im gonna say this another time. you don't KNOW. I hate it when people use that word. until you have your own child you won't ever know. You may think you know, you may have experience with other peoples kids or your younger siblings but you don't KNOW what it takes. I've used the above line before lots of times and a good 80 percent of the time they came back to tell me I was right. the remaining 20 told me that they had a good portion right, but there were some things they didn't see coming.

  • UGH... Don't kill yourself because she gets engaged before you. Hell, Of my friends, I am the only single guy! All else are married or will be married (My best friend is getting married on my birthday this Friday.). Hell, I have not dated in over 8 years.

    You seem to stress out about what your friend is doing. A case of "keeping up with the jones'," you have... I don't stress out aboout my friends' relationships. I have too much on my plate to consider their relationships. What I am saying is, you have enough things that you must worry about on your own to worry about what your friends do. So what, she will get engaged with someone in 7 mos.? You don't have to be happy for her, but you are her friend, so you should be supportive. Just don't stress out about it. You have enough to worry about.

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    • I want to get married and have babies not be like 30 still looking for a man.

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    • But what about having children women only have until like 50 to have children and for women after 35 you have a higher risk of genetic disorders

    • There are always risks for genetic disorders. 1 in 8 children born in the US are at risk of having cleft lip/palate... 1 in 6 children are at risk of developing autism... Age is not a factor in any of that.

      And most of that is propaganda to force people to having children earlier. More or less, you should not have children until you, yourself are comfortable enough to take care of them. It is a problem when young people have children and can barely even take care of themselves.

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAQHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    This made my night.

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  • Bonus question answer: Tell her the absolute truth based on everything in your main question description about why you feel the way you do. don't want to? afraid that would make you look dumb and petty?...exactly, there is your answer.

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  • lol shouldn't you be happy because she's happy? I mean if he is genuinely a loser then that's fine but like.. it shouldn't be a competition between friends should it?

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  • wooooo jealous much?

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    • wooooooo do I give a sh*t much? Obviously I know I'm jealous lol duhhh beccause my friend is trying to marry a dude that she's dated less than a year. But since I have had a month to think about this I realized. a) it's kind of a needy thing to do on her part b) her parents marriage failed so why she is rushing I have no idea but even if she did get married I doubt it would last. So... whatever doesn't effect me because I am not going to be a part of it.

  • Ugh again?...this "pity party" you always throw for yourself is really getting old. F*** off

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    • you don't have to be so rude man, I'm sure you've got your own issues. This is for people who want to express them and want advice. At least she has the balls not to post as anonymous so YOU f*** off.

What Girls Said 9

  • I'm sorry, that sucks! It's always tough when a good friend gets something you really want. But beileve me when I say that it'll happen for you someday, too.

    You and your boyfriend are in love, I'm assuming, right? In that case, it wouldn't hurt to try losing your virginity to him when he comes to visit. That said, I would strongly advise against unprotected sex unless you have a conversation about it beforehand and both decide that it's the right thing to do. If he still lives far away, it might be better to wait until you guys can move closer, so that you'd both be around to care for your baby. On top of that, are the two of you financially prepared to support a child? I know that you both want kids, which is great, but if you haven't already, you both need to have a serious discussion about whether or not you're prepared for them right this moment. It'll happen eventually, I promise. Given that you're both in a serious relationship already, I highly doubt that you'll be 30 and still looking around. :)

    As for your friend, I completely understand being jealous-- but ultimately, it's her life. Maybe she will get married and maybe she won't; maybe it'll work out and maybe it won't. That doesn't change the fact that you're in a loving relationship, too. :) You have everything that she has, but (maybe in part because of the distance), you just have to wait a little longer for it. And there's nothing wrong with that at all.

    I wouldn't suggest trying to talk your friend out of the marriage. While she's obviously excted, she's probably a little scared of the change, too-- I bet it would mean a lot to her to have her best friend's support. :) You could always just sit her down and tell her that you're happy for her, but that you hope that she understands that you're a little jealous of what she has. Don't accuse her of anything or imply that what she's doing is a mistake, but just let her know that it's taking you a while to get used to the idea, even though you love and support her. If worse comes to worse, distance yourself from her a little. Don't actively avoid her, but spend time with other people and give yourself a chance to get more comfortable with the thought of her getting married.

    Unfortunately, there will always be friends who get better grades than you, or have more friends than you, or (as in this case), get engaged before you. It's really hard to deal with-- believe me, I've been there. :P But trust me when I say that you will get married and start a family sooner or later. I know it's tough, but try not to get too caught up in it now-- the last thing you want is for it to take over your life. Try taking up a new hobby, or spending a bit more time with other friends-- anything to take your mind off of it. You could always talk to your boyfriend as well, to see where you both stand and let him know that you want to take your relationship to the next level.

    Best of luck, and I hope this helps! :)

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  • I completely agree with what PeterCobra said. You don't have to rush your life. I know it seems like you are falling behind your friend. But I can probably guarantee you fast forward a few years and your friend and her boyfriend are going to be headed down the divorce road. Not trying to be mean here, just brutally honest.

    Too many people rush into things and then forget to build that good foundation to keep it all together, that is what is going to happen to your friend. And it will happen to you too if you end up going through with your plan. I'm not trying to criticize you but this is not a good idea. You two have a long distance relationship, it might be going good, but the long distance can hide red flags that otherwise you would pick up. Your man will not marry you simply because you have his baby. Look at all the single mothers out there. It's not an easy life, and having a baby is no guarantee he will stay. That is indeed called trapping. Because you are trying to force this man into a commitment that should come naturally. He should WANT to marry you, not be forced to because you two have a baby. Marriage should be about love, not about what is the right thing to do at the moment. If he marries you, it will be simply for the kids, so to speak. So why not just wait?

    When you are completely ready for marriage and babies, everything will fall into it's place naturally. I know it's hard waiting, but trust me, if you jump the gun too fast and try to force people into things, it will only end up in disaster. I have seen this too with many of my friends. They had babies early, and now they regret it because at 21-22, they have 2 babies, and their relationships are suffering. They missed out on being able to explore their late teens and early adulthood and went straight into family life. They never got to mature naturally, it just happened all of a sudden and was a shock to their systems. Now they look at me and wish they had what I have. And trust me, I am doing fine, I am almost done school, and I have an amazing boyfriend. Once I am done school, I will be getting a decent job, buying a house, car, and then thinking about the future. It does come around, you just have to let your life fall into place.

    Besides, you should be happy for your friend. I know her choice is a bad idea, but she is your friend! This jealousy game is not good, and playing 'keep up' will not do you any good in your life. When you get older you will realize how petty and silly this all is. Friend's should be happy for one another, and not be in constant competition. If that is the basis of your friendship, then you need to reassess it.

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  • Honey, with all the different things that will apparently kill you, I'm surprised you've lived this long.

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    • Yeah I know and I have no intent to kill myself but I had to exaggerate to get my point across... I'm so annoyed.

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    • Ok find value in what? My life is pointless and if I don't get married and have kids young what am I gonna do with my life?

    • If marriage and kids are the only things in life that you think are valuable, I feel sorry for you. I want to get married and have a family some day. But right now I'm enjoying getting an education, making friends, deciding who I want to be and what I want to do, and just experiencing life. Don't rush things. You'll make a better wife and mother and be happier if you do things not out of desperation but out of joy. You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you start creating more humans.

  • lolol. I think you forgot to hit the 'anonymous' box before sending out this troll beaut. :p

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  • LOL

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  • One of my friend's parents had a storybook marriage. They were in love for 20+ years. One day he got killed in a car wreck. THANK GOODNESS for the family, the wife had invested her life in a career, social circle, hobbies and interests. You can have everything the way you want, relationship wise but can't control major details of life.

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    • I have like life plans, don't get me wrong. But I have based a lot of my plans on my boyfriend, if that makes sense so if things don't work out I don't know what I'm gonna do.

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    • Focus on finishing college FIRST and then finding a career. Gotta be able to support these babies, hon.

    • I just wanna be with him

  • you have issues

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  • There will always be friends whose lives are better than yours. You can't really control that.

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    • But anyway. Try not to get caught up in it. Just focus on what small things you can do to make yourself better. Sometimes you just can't compete and nobody can tell the future anyway.

    • Make it better by expanding it beyond this single goal and competition. Learn some new recipes, learn to knit, etc. It can even be domestic skills, or just something fun.

  • You have got jealousy issues. Control yourself woman! She's your "friend".

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    • I don't CARE about friendship at this point, I want to get married and have babies... f*** all that other sh*t (no offense I'm just saying)

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