I first met Bob* over a year ago, we hit it off great and had fun flirting episodes, however I knew he was married and happily so there was never anything behind it more than just innocent playing. Bob* introduced me to his brother in law, who I fell in love with, we've been together now for almost a year and are engaged to be married! I love Mark* to death and would do anything for him. Bob* and I are still great friends and the 3 of us are constantly doing things together, as well as his wife and I are good friends as she's also my fiances sister. Bob* still flirts with me tho, and comments on my body and compliments me a lot on my looks. And has started to ask for pictures of me (not appropriate ones). I keep brushing him off saying that Mark would be highly angry and Bob says what he doesn't know won't hurt him. He on one occasion let people think that him and I were a couple and seems to really seek my attention. I have told my fiance all about this, but I don't want there to be issues in the family if this gets out further. But what does Bob* want from me? Is he mad I don't play flirt with him anymore because I am happy with Mark and in love? Is he jealous or is he wanting something more? His last comment to me was me saying I had to go and have a bath before work and him asking if there was room for 2 and then saying he'd need a cold shower after hearing that. PLease help! I don't know what's going on?! If I stop talking to him, I will still have to see him at family functions :(
Most Helpful Girl
Bob thinks that if it was okay to flirt while HE was married, then it should be okay to flirt while YOU are engaged. You say that your previous flirt sessions were nothing more than innocent playing, so why would he think differently now? The only thing that has changed is the fact that you are no longer single.
Don't tell Bob that you no longer want to flirt because your fiance will be angry - tell him you don't want to flirt because it no longer makes you comfortable. It's time to have a sit down talk with him - it's past the point of just brushing off.
I don't think that Bob is entirely at fault here, you set the standards of your relationship with Bob when you first met. Now it's your responsibility to make him aware that you don't want to flirt. And don't use your fiance as an excuse - he needs to know the reason you don't want to flirt is because YOU don't want to flirt.
Hopefully it is something that he will understand - I don't think involving his wife would be appropriate, she might not be too sympathetic towards you if she knew about your "innocent playing" before.0