Is it normal for me to be so scared of marriage?

I'm 19 going on 20. Whenever I hear of someone from high school or even a few college friends that have decided to get married, I remain in a state of shock. I honestly don't see the point; and I'm also afraid of very committed relationships. I had a boyfriend for nearly one year (my only relationship ever), but when he started clinging a lot and discussing children and marriage I freaked and wanted out. Does this mean I'm immature?

It discourages me to see long-term relationships fizzle, divorce, separate, or cheat on one another. Many older people claim to regret ever getting married. Also, I feel like there is always someone better out there than the person I'm currently with.

All in all, most of the time it seems to me that "love" is more of a fairy tale than a reality. =( Is this normal?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Its normal for someone your age to feel this way. You still have a lot of life to live yet and most people your age are not thinking of settling down and having a family quite yet.

    I can also understand why you are hesitant to get committed because of all the sad stories you hear of other people going through rough divorces and failed romances. I wouldn't worry too much about that. Just enjoy your life. Explore who you are and focus on developing yourself as a person. Don't worry about settling down or committing yourself if you are not ready. That would not be fair to a potential partner.

    I think you are perfectly normal, I know a lot of friends who would love to be in your position. They were like you when they were younger, but they had kids unexpectedly. And although they love their kids very much, they are missing out on young adulthood. They always tell me how much they envy my ability to do what I want whenever I want. It's best to just let things happen naturally, and right now for you that means to just enjoy your life. Don't have to rush into anything just yet, you have lots of time for that!

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What Guys Said 4

  • When I think about the future, I think about marriage and literally bore myself into a 6 and a half minute coma.. I really, really, REALLY don't like the idea of spending my life with just one person.. It doesn't scare me, the idea just bores me, ya dig homedawg?

    Tbh though, your young.. Its not like your a wrinkly 60 year old virgin with 8 cats and a moustache.. I guarantee it will change, you will find someone who you love, you just gotta wait it out..

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  • Yeah. You're 19.

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  • I'm afraid of marrying the wrong person, as well.

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  • I'm not afraid of it, I am excited to get married someday, it's just gotta be with someone you actually love. I laugh at the kids my age who get married right away with someone they hardly even know. Makes me feel wiser because, I am not that stupid.

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What Girls Said 2

  • At this point, I honestly can't see myself "settling down" like... ever. If I find a guy I like, I don't really have a problem with being with him long-term, but the whole concept of marriage doesn't make sense or appeal to me. Also, I don't want kids.

    As for the last bit... I have really idealistic views on love, and I'm starting to feel like my expectations there are just unrealistic, yet I won't let go of them.

    I don't know... not sure if this helps at all or even makes sense, but I think I feel pretty similar to what you're describing!

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  • yes, you're young and have a lot to do and experience! have fun and enjoy youth! some people find their match early. some just have fun and feel free!

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