Why does she do this? Am I just not good enough?

I got engaged back in late July of this year. My fiancee goes to college in another town, almost 3 hours away. It's her second year now so we have been able to deal with being apart from each other pretty well so far. About a month ago hanging out with a male classmate after school and some weekends when I am not visiting her. Now she says they are dating but its really just good friends. My first reaction was that this was cheating.She said she needs the friendship because doesn't have many friends there and I'm not there to talk to her all the time. She says she has set certain rules out like no kissing and sex etc. She recently said that this guy really likes her and that she does like him too, and that they have a lot more in common than her and I do. I'm not really worried about losing her to him because, I feel we have been through the ups and downs together and we usually have a very stable relationship. Lately she has been talking about him a lot and it makes me uncomfortable because I know that I shoulod be the number one man in her life. When I talk to her about what she wants in life and who she wants to be with, she always says its me that she loves and wants share her life with. I still love her and really want to be with her but I feel she will make a mistake that I can't forgive if she lets this go too far. What am I supposed to do in this situation?

Updates:
well thank you for all of your input. it really helped me out. I told her that I want a completely exclusive relationship and that when she is ready for that to give me a call. I'm not willing to have to share what I had worked so hard to get

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Most Helpful Girl

  • FIRST OFF. That IS cheating sweeti.

    She seems like the girl who needs constant physical attention.

    Her talking about another GUY she LIKES to you? C'mon! How blind are you?

    Them DATING?!

    "Oh I don't have many friends and I need this." So why not get some GIRL friends. I'm sure they'll have TONS in common.

    No kissing and no sex? Dude. she shouldn't have even said that.

    Honestly do you think she would be ok with you seeing a girl constantly and dating? She would flip.

    Her telling you that she stills want to be with you and that you are the one. Can mean multiple things. ONE she really does loves you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you but not right now and her seeing other people is her window into what she's missing out on while she's with you. She gets to keep you in her pockett so no other girls can see you but since you're hidden, it's perfect. Other guys can come and see her. You're too blind to see what really is going on.

    TWO she's using you as a security blanket, "HEY if things don't work out with this guy, I always have my back up. tehe" yeaaahhh. that's bullshit dude.

    Don't let her treat you like that. You need to make it clear that what she is doing is completely unacceptable in a relationship of how long? OH WAIT. ENGAGED! not even a girlfriend. your f***ing wife to be is seeing other men. WOW.

    You need to sit down and talk to her about this. Explain how you see this situation and how it makes you feel. I suggest letting her talk first and asking her what she really wants.

    "Look I know you love me but I want to know how serious you take our engagement. I know it's hard because we're so far apart and I can't always be there for you but you seeing other guys when I'm not there really bothers me. Honestly [ her name here] it really hurts and I'm so mad that you would even do this and think it is ok. How would you feel if I was dating other girls when I wasn't with you? How would you feel if I told you I had feelings for another girl?"

    I'm sure you can add on.

    Dude.

    NO! NO! NO! she's f***ing up and you're letting her get away with it.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would not be comfortable having my fiance hanging around with a woman who liked him. That is a situation that is begging for trouble. She may just miss you and is using the guy to get her "man fix", but still - what if she goes too far?

    I realize that her feelings are important, but I feel that she needs to be considerate of your feelings as well. This isn't about trust, but about consideration. Why make you feel bad when the whole situation could be avoided by her choosing another friend - or going friendless while you guys are apart? Sometimes relationships takes sacrifices, and I don't see it as a huge sacrifice not to date.

    Her only saving grace for me is she told you the truth. Though her intent is not to cheat on you - it is something too close for me to consider safe.

    I feel for you - being the jealous crazy lady that I am, I would demand they stop seeing each other immediately. I'm the type of woman that would drive three hours to confront the hussy that ensnared my husband and give him an earful while I was there as well, lol. Hopefully you can handle this situation with a little more grace and come to a happy resolution.

    I wish you well

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  • SHES ENGAGED! No one should be "dating" if they are engaged. Apparently she needs to have a talk with you about this because really if she wants to marry you and is willing to say I DO. Whose not to say that this won't happen later. The fact she is even doing this tells me she just needs security. Tell her how you feel and if she's smart she'll tell the other guy I'm sorry but I'm engaged (if she continually leads him on he will be a threat if he is serious about her) . Also, if 3 hours away is big deal try being states away. (my friend justin is in NC and his fiancee is in CA)

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  • I think that maybe she is having second thoughts about her relationship with you. I think her spending time with this guy is ok with a group of freinds, but he definately is interested in her. I think you better sit down with her again and tell her that you are not open about the fact that she is carrying on this relationship with this male friend. He may be a friend now, but that is how relationship get started. Maybe you two should take a break from each other and have some time to think things over. If its meant to be, she will break it off with this guy and be back with you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • tell her your uncomftorbal with it. it is her problem and she needs to fix it. be nice and ask how its going with him NEVER SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM. she told you about him. always look at the bright side. that is the best you can do. try getting closer to her and always be there for her.

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  • I think that you should just have a serious talk with her telling her you are worried about this and see if she is willing to stop this other "relationship" I believe you deserve to be treated the way you treat her. I also understand that it might be scary to do because the last thing you want is to lose her. But I think it's best to just put everything on the table. I hope the best for you

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  • good for you man

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