My problem is a simple one that I'm sure is common, but I can't see any easy solution, I'm just 18, and I live with my girlfriend, of about 5 years, 18 itself is a young age to leave home, but she's all into the whole "Grown Up" thing she wants to get engaged and married like soon, I know there is no law against it at 18, but I am so unsure about it, see the thing is I know love is a strong word, but it genuinely is there, but even still I'm not sure about any of the Marriage, Kids ect ect stuff, and we both have no one else other than each other.

Now by this point I can understand the people going just another chav and his slag, liveing off benifits, none of this is true, I earn just under £37,000 a year (Rugby Player) and she's at uni studying some form of Science, basically were not stupid kids, the thing is I don't want to reject her and for her to get the wrong idea, without her my life is nothing, so I am really really stuck, she knows how I feel about her, but I don't know how to break it to hewr that "Im still a kid, don't wanna grow up yet" don't know what else I can say about it, just ANY advice from people that have had anthing like this.

Updates:
Wow such good advice but I just get the feeling that if I tell her that I'm not ready yet she might get the wrong idea and start asking "whats wrong with me" etc and I really couldn't bear to lose her, sounds pathetic, but she is my everything

0|0
5|4

Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell her marriage is forever and if you are planning on being together forever marriage can wait. Tell her you want to just enjoy this part of your lives together. Everyone "can't wait to get married" "can't wait to have kids" Nobody can wait to do anything and at the end of their life they realize they spent their entire life waiting for what was to come and not living in the moment. Right now you guys need to enjoy living together and just being together. One day she will look back and she will miss this time in your guys's lives together. It's all important and you guys should take it slow, day by day.

    And the whole kid thing, wait til after you're like 25. Takes trips, go on dates, enjoy not having to find a babysitter for a few years. And even after you're married enjoy your new wife before having kids. Make sure you get plenty of "us" time before taking big steps.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Is this actually a 19 year old talking all this good sense stuff? I didn't think there were any of you left on this planet. If only these kids would listen to you and follow what you are saying, how much things would end up for them and those around them. Good Girl and keep the preaching going.

    • :) My sister had a kid when we were 16 and another when we were 17. I saw how much her life changed. I love them to death but I don't want that for me, I want to LIVE!

What Girls Said 4

  • To be honest, that will probably be exactly what will happen, but if she can't understand that, that's no good for you.

    I've seen several things happen:

    I know a guy who had been with his girlfriend for 5 years and was 23 at the time when she was pressuring him to get married. He wanted to go to Law School and get married after that. She couldn't understand that and left him. Til this day, he's happy about the outcome because he really wasn't ready for marriage.

    I know another couple who did get married because one pressured the other into doing it. They had graduated from college and it seemed like the logical next step because they had been together for 3 years. They love each other, but they're unhappy. They both feel trapped now because they weren't ready for marriage. They've been talking divorce for the past year and have only been married for 2 years.

    Lastly, from personal experience, I was the girl who wanted to marry my ex after we had been together for 4 years, but he wasn't ready. We talked about it and he explained that to me. At first I was upset, but I really did love him and realized that I'd rather have him as a boyfriend, than not have him at all, even if that meant waiting to get married. Thankfully, we didn't get married back then because we ended up breaking up after 6 years. We were young when we began dating and grew into two very different people who no longer belonged together.

    So if she really loves you, she may be upset, but she should realize that getting married isn't the end all and be all. The fact that the two of you are together and live together is a huge commitment in itself, especially at your age. If you're not ready to get married, there shouldn't be any pressure put on you because that is a decision that both of you should come to agree on together. If she truly loves you, she will see that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't do anything if you know you aren't ready for it. Time and time again I see military couples who are very young, some not even 18 yet, get married because they think they have to to be able to stay together. Doesn't last more than a year, and their divorced and on their separate ways. Know what they confess? "I wasn't even sure if I was ready.". Yeah do what you feel is best for you. It's ok to put yourself first sometimes. I'm sure if you sit down, and tell her your not ready for marriage, but it's definitely in your guys' future, she should understand.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't do anything you are not ready for. 18 is a young age. You both still have some growing up to do. If she can't understand that you're not ready, then that's not really fair to you. I would sit and talk to her about it and explain how you feel. Make sure you let her know that it has nothing to do with you loving her or not, it's just that you don't feel ready.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can love someone with all your heart, but it doesn't make deciding whether or not to make the biggest (or 2nd compared to having children) decision of your life any easier. People can make things work financially, but since you're both still so young I would try to hold off. People change as they get older (their goals, aspirations, and tastes). That's why it's a wise decision to hold off on getting married until you're in your mid 20's. You have to do what's best for you, but if getting married to make her happy compromises your own happiness, the marriage would already start off rocky. You are only 18, so slow down, and appreciate this age. Girls tend to fixate on the concept of marriage (ESPECIALLY weddings)- Lord knows I did. But with age comes a sense of priority, and hers should be school. Granted, I'm not her, so I don't know the whole story.

    Wishing all the best.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Tell her to wait until she graduates. Tell her that she can't live a married life while still a student. You can't afford a good honeymoon or an elegant wedding until after she graduates. Say "what are we going to do after we get married? Go back to school?" Married life as a student is not really married life at all.

    Come up with as many excuses as you can to shift her opinion in favor of waiting after graduation. Say while she is a student you want to save your money for the honeymoon and a house after she graduates. Then you can get married and move into that house as soon as she graduates. Wether those intentions are genuine or not is a different story, but at least you can get her to believe you and delay marriage for a few more years.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What I can tell you is that the overwhelming majority of people I know who got married younger than 22 were divorced by 30. There is a great deal of maturing that takes place in college and the few years after when you begin to establish your identity as an adult. The fact that you understand this speaks well of you. Stand up for this, early marriage is a mistake that is very, very hard to correct.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just tell her you want to some day, but you aren't ready right now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Marriages started at that age usually don't last.

    Tell her she is moving too fast and that you would like to slow things down.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...