My mom hates him

So, I've been dating this guy for awhile, known him for years and recently got engaged. I love him more than anything but unfortunately my mom doesn't and sadly I think it's because he's black and I'm white.

I feel stupid even asking this question since I'm 20 years old... But I feel like my mom is controlling my life. She has no idea we're engaged, she gives him dirty looks and has no respect for him whatsoever. I'm not close with my mom so I can't talk to her about it.

I'm scared to hold his hand and even hug him in front of her just for the simple fact of doing so will set her in a pissed off mood all week. I don't know what to do... but I think it's pathetic when I can't even hug my fiance just because my mom doesn't like him.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to be open and honest with your mom and let her know how much you care for this guy and that you plan on spending the rest of your life with him. But you shouldn't let your mom's ignorance be the cause of you being unhappy. Let her know how you feel. Try to make her understand that he makes you happy and it should have to be based upon his race. You love him for him and nothing else. Ask her how'd she feel if you had children with this man would she not claim them because they are half black. But also realize that you are 20 yrs old and you are old enough to make your own decisions and you shouldn't have to get the approval of your mom because it's your life not hers.

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What Guys Said 4

  • One of my close friends is black. married to a white girl, and till today,after 10 years of marriage, the girls mom hates him. They have 2 kids, have a good marriage, and he is a successful engineer, but even after all these, mom still disapproves of him.

    Long ago they told the mom and she wasn't happy about it, but she didn't disown her daughter because of it. If you really love this guy, well, tell your mom, and either accept her opinion, or go against it. At the end of the day, you also have to think how this relationship you have with your mom, will have an impact in your marriage. I can tell you from observing my friend's marriage that it does get very stressful at time, and is not easy, so many factors you have to consider. Good luck.

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    • I really like this answer. He is right. It's unfortunate but when you marry someone, you also marry their family, and they marry yours. If they don't get along, it can make things difficult. But at the end, the decision is really up to you.

  • I think you have to come clean with your mom and be ready to hear anything... Love is blind and sees no color, she should understand that... Just let her know more about him... Tell her all of the great things about him that made you fall in love in the first place and maybe she will come around... But again you must be prepared to potentially hear an answer that you are not going to like... Just take it day by day and enjoy being engaged.

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  • Yep, you need to come clean to your mom, and tell her everything, especially your suspicions. It might shock her enough to hear that she's thought of as racist that she'll think it over, and approve. But ultimately, it's your decision, not hers, and every second that you spend relying on your mom's opinion to proceed fully is a second wasted

    If you could answer my question, I would be much obliged..

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  • You need to come clean with your mum and ask her to respect your decision. She's your mum and whatever happens, she should love you all the same.

    You are in love, and you can't help that. Don't let it get in the way of that special thing.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I had a friend whose family thought the same because she was w/ a black guy and she is white. Actually none of them liked him and disowned her because she got preg. Well just to let you know I'm not calling your mom stupid but its just in my opinion stupidity that does it. Well anyhow they love the guy now so much more than suspected and even almost treat him better than they do her and she was never close to her mother. So just love is love if they get mad they don't understand.

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  • You need to tell your mother what is going on. Let her know that you are an adult and she needs to respect your decision to be with this man. Explain to her that you love him, and you believe that it is pathetic she doesn't like him due to his color. Tell her that at this point she is the one acting irrational and that you are going to marry this man weather she likes it or not.

    Tell her that you wish she would give you two her blessing but that if she can't accept him she cannot accept you.

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  • Hey,

    I am also having the same problem. When I told my mom that me and my now fiance were dating, shit hit the fan. For weeks she would chew me out for even txt messaging him in her presence. She said some hurtful things to me and many horrible things about him, even though she hasn't taken the time to get to know him. But I love him too much to give up what we have accomplished. I think that if my mom really wants me to be happy she'll get over and accept him.

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