Will he do this to me after we're married? What do you all think will happen? Give it to me straight! Honest as Honest can get!

I'm about to marry a guy who I've dated for about several months. Through out the months he told me his stories of the women he treated like crab and some of the women who treated him like crab, for example his first wife who left him after only being married for a few months.He is one of those guys who is know and have a bit of history with women.For some reason he told me he really care for me and I was different so I moved him in.I'm a harding working woman with a few kidsI and a nice crib.I don't know whether he's serious or not but he seem serious..To be quite honest I have recieve calls regarding him from his ex-women not only that his female family have close friends who he dealt with before me .Also his male cousins who he hang out with they stay in the bars.So,I'm starting to fall for him deeply and accepted the proposal.My Question is should I have accepted the proposal?I'm concerned because although I care a lot aabout him,Him telling me that he left his woman in order to be with me is raising a flag.I even ran into the chick and curse her out ,telling her he don't want you he want me! He bought the ring which makes me think he maybe serious.Will he do this to me after were married?What do you guys and girls think will happen if I go through with this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You shouldn't have moved him in so soon if you have children.

    I don't see how this relationship can work if you don't really know the guy. Why the rush? Would it be so terrible to take a year or two to get to know him before you make such a serious commitment? And your children - how do they feel about you marrying a man you hardly know yourself. How would they feel about you divorcing the same man? What kind of example are you setting for them?

    Honestly, it seems to me that you are just desperate for a husband and you're willing to take any guy that comes along and asks you first. I think you are mistaking your relief of not being single anymore as having feelings for a guy with a questionable history with women. Questionable everything.

    Deep down inside you know this isn't right for you - because you wouldn't be having doubts about accepting the proposal. I think you should wait until your feelings develop further than "starting to fall" and "caring" into love before you get married.

    Good luck.

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    • I've already accepted his proposal! Were suppose to get married in june 09. Also do you think that me being 5 years older makes a difference?

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    • Calling off this engagement will be a lot easier than calling off the marriage. However, I think this guy won't be around in June '09 anyway.

What Guys Said 1

  • After a few months of dating you're going to get married? Stop that right now. If he is indeed serious about getting married then you guys can wait a year or two.

    Here's your honest answer; this guy will be cheating on you and/or gone within the next 12 months. Other people who know him better than you are letting you know that this guy is bad news. If you want to find out for yourself, then start living together but do not marry. Buying you a ring does not mean he's serious about you. He can leave you and that ring behind without a glance back.

    If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, then let some time pass in your relationship. His true colors will start to show soon.

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What Girls Said 9

  • I think that if you have doubts, you should wait to marry when you are sure.

    My ex husband told me stories of how his ex's mistreated him and pushed his limit etc. And how his ex-wife cheated, had a baby with another guy and left him. Come to find out, they separated when she found out he was cheating, and in that time got pregnant with someone else. He wanted to make it work, so they got back together and whiile doing that, he met me... His ex wife was actually his wife, and when he proposed to me, that's when he put in for a divorce.

    He went on to cheat on me...we tried to get past that, eventually talking about having a baby together...we decided to start trying for a baby, and literally, 2 days later he told me he was in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. On top of that, I wasnt his 2nd wife as I always thought..I was his 4th. And he did the sme with all of us...propose then divorce who he was with.

    I ignored the flags, cause I was the "different" one, he was mid 30's and ready to settle down and make something of his life, so he said... etc, etc... After our divorce, I found out he signed away custody of the chiild he had with his ex wife, as well as of the child that came from when he cheated on her... He'd joke about it when we were married, that he should do that so that he doesn't have to pay child support, and I thought that was a horrible thing to do, so once I was out of the picture...he left his kids as easily as he left every woman he claimed to love...for yet another.

    Take from that what you will...

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    • I gotta ask. As you said, the red flags were there, so why did you allow it to continue? I think this is the biggest difficulty I have in understanding about women; how they can put up with so much crap.

    • Because hindsight is 20/20... We were pretty happily married about 3 years before everything unraveled...specifically..when the woman he cheated with finally found him to sue for child support. He had to explain that, which led into admitting he lied about a lot of his past. Like he did with the others, when things got rocky, he went on the hunt for a backup to start new with and so that he woudnt have to be alone if I left him...fell in love, proposed to her, divorced me..etc etc.

  • The fact that you are doubting him, says that you are not ready to marry him.

    When the time is right, and the man is right, you won`t be doubting and worrying so much...

    The feelings will come naturally.

    If you really love him and want to be with him, then wait. See what happens.

    Oh and if he left his wife for you, then there is a big chance he wll leave you for someone else. You said he seems serious because he bought you a ring? well he bought her a ring too, right?

    So anyways, I know this was posted 6 months ago.. just wondering if you ended up marrying him...

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  • It is very hard to say. People can change.

    My advice is you need to take time out and think what you truley want. Do you really want to marry him? Do you really trust him?

    Has he done anything to you. anything recently that makes you doubt him?

    it is a good sign that he has opened up to you and has been ohnest.

    This is harsh but true, if you are really really having doubts do not go through with it.

    Sorry it is hard to give advice from the out side as we do not know this guy and only you truley know what he is like.

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  • All I am going to say to you...as honestly as I can...Run, run, run.

    Do not even think about marrying this man, I am sorry hun, but I feel like if you marry him it will the worst mistake that you have ever made, and the thing is people are warning you...and so am I...You say you have kids..and a nice place...stay there with your children, if this guy really does love you he will wait to marry you..

    But please get rid of him..fast..sorry

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  • Red flag for sure.. its way to soon for marriage if there are any doubts anyway... I would slow things down and try and step out of your situation and observe, so you can be clear on what is going on.. you may be the next one he treats like crap and moves onto someone else.

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  • i think you should give it sometime before making a life long commitment to him.. also get to know him from your own perspective, don't only make a judgment on him based solely on what others have said about him.

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  • you have only been together a few months? and he is telling you how he treated his other women? none of this seems weird to you?... you should really wait until you guys are together for a while longer.. you will learn more about each other

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  • Plain and simple...whatever he was before he was married, it will show up 10 times more. I would kick him out, and start over with someone much much much more stable... Save yourself a whole lot of heartache.

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  • You need to live and be with him longer than several months before you get married and if he is not willing to wait then that should be a flag to you... sounds like he is trying to get you caught up with him before you have a chance to move away! If a lot of people are calling and tell you bad things about this guy then more than likely he is bad news... if it was just one I would say they are jealous but if it is a bunch of people and even his own cousin! you need to slow down you don't need to put yourself or your kids through all the drama if that is what what's gonna happen. You need to slow down! You will be putting your kids through a lot if you two split up after a few months like him and his last wife... if he will wait a year or two before you two get married then he is for real but if he gets mad and won't he is just trying to play you.

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