My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years and are very serious. We get along great and make a great team. I'm 22, he is 29. We have discussed the topic of marriage at length many times and both of us usually end up in tears or angry. I've heard every excuse possible. The original plan was to wait til I finished college, but as my academic career became extended, I don't want to wait anymore. I've ehard excuses like: "the economy is in horrible shape and who knows if we'll even have jobs", and "your sister's marriage failed, so I'm spooked and don't want to rush into it", and "i don't have the money for a ring" and "i just want to make the perfect proposal and wedding day, let me give that to you when I'm financially able". The thing is I don't even care about an engagement ring, he gave me a diamond a year into the relationship and that's good enough for me. I don't want a big wedding. I'm fine with even going to the courthouse. it doesn't matter I'll take it however I can get it. He convinced me to get a place with him about a month ago insisting that it was a step toward marriage and a "trial period". He thinks that if we get married I will get fat and/or turn into a mega- biatch and try to run his life. As it is right now he does as he pleases within reason. I've tried and tried to breach the marriage subject and come to a compromise, but seem to get nowhere. Marriage is extreemly important to me on both a moral and social level, and am not willing to just "shack up" together for the rest of my life and don't want to be one of those girls that shows up with an ultimatum. will he ever propose and tie the knot? will he ever give in or is it in my best interests to move on?
Most Helpful Girl
He can pull out all the excuses in the book, but that's just what they are - excuses. Bottom line, he doesn't want to get married to you now. Whatever his reasons are, you need to make some choices, because this constant arguing will wear this relationship down.
You can stay with him and have faith that he will do you right.
The trust in this relationship goes both ways you know. He could feel that you are questioning his devotion to you by demanding that you make it legal. He could want you to trust him to do what he says he's going to do, and when you talk about marriage - your desire to do it now - he could be hearing that you don't believe it would ever happen. That you think he could be lying to you. I understand that those aren't your true reasons (I hope!), but it could come across that way and make him feel betrayed by your lack of confidence in keeping his word. This is a tug of war that can ruin the best relationships.
You can leave him and toss away a four year relationship.
Only he knows what his true intentions are. But you would be the next closest person to know. If you feel his feelings aren't ever going to change, and you will never get what you want - leave. What else can you do but stay and tear each other down bit by bit? Might as well get it over with in one swift swoop. No reason to stay if you don't think he'll ever propose, you will only be wasting more time.
If you can force a proposal from him - how would that make you feel? That you had to coerce your boyfriend into proposing instead of him deciding on his own? I completely understand you desires and willingness to get it done - but I don't understand why you are so dissmisive of his feelings. Marriage should be about the both of you, and you are making this about you. There is no compromise here - you're either married or not. I'm not bashing you I promise, I understand how much this can hurt - I've been there as well. I know you are trying to relate to him and what he's going through, but I think your own feelings are getting in the way. So you can stay and accept him doing it when he wants to, or you can go because you aren't getting what you want - there is no middle ground on this. If you continue to try and get a proposal out of him, your relationship will fail eventually.
I think he will marry you, I really do, because I have faith in love.