Are we just friends or is something bigger going on?

I’m so confused. I’m extremely close friends with a guy. We met 3 months ago and things have evolved so naturally and beautifully. We speak several times a day, see each other on average 3 times a week, sometimes with other people but often just the two of us – we stay in watching a movie or go out & eat/get a bit drunk. We’re really comfortable & open with each other. My friend is 30 & was in a long relationship for 10 years which culminated in marriage and then divorce. He has been single for two years & dated a few girls but it’s never come to anything.

I’ve developed really strong feelings for him. I love him - I’m probably in love with him. I’m considered very attractive and get a lot of attention from guys. Yet it’s him who fills that place in my heart. I believe we have the most incredible basis for a relationship. My best and longest relationship to date (4.5 years) evolved from a best friendship.

But he sees me as his sister. He adores me and he’s told me how much I mean to him. He acknowledges the amazing connection and chemistry but he doesn’t seem to want to cross the line. Recently, I asked a mutual friend to do some probing and ask him directly how he sees me. The answer was as a very best friend. He said that maybe one day we’d be something more and that he’d contemplated crossing the line with me but decided against it and concluded that must mean he didn’t want anything more with me. He said his friendship with me is so precious and he doesn’t want to do anything that wrecks it.

I don’t understand this situation & my friends agree that it’s not natural. I don’t know if he’s not physically attracted to me or if there’s something else going on – perhaps fear of being in a relationship again since his marriage became so stagnant. My friend is not a risk-taker and he doesn’t go after things in life – he lets life happen to him so although he knows how to chat up a girl, taking things further with me would be a whole different ball game. I desperately want to say something but I don’t know what to say or how to say it without risking our friendship. I’m scared of feeling this way about someone who might walk out of my life or devote himself to someone else. I also believe it might prevent me having feelings for other people.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I would be interested in knowing if anything has changed since you first posted 6 months ago?

    If not, I would say to tell him how you feel and be prepared to move on.

    Good Luck

    James

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