Are people nowadays not willing to make a marriage work?

I don't know why but I guess the reason for me asking this is because I was inspired by another question that a user just posted(which I will revail below) It seems like a lot of the older generations like our parents, Grandparents and great Grandparents were able to hold onto their Marriages(thus why were here). So how come we really can't seem to do it in this generation? Is it solely based off the fact of financial situations? people not wanting to make sacrifices for their partner? Just simply giving up because they thought that maintaining love would be easy in a marriage? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

  • Yes
    59% (10)41% (7)50% (17)Vote
  • No, were doomed.
    41% (7)59% (10)50% (17)Vote
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Updates:
I just want to say that a lot of you guys seem to have wrote really great & like-minded answers to my question, nice to see where all on the same page :D

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think there are a lot of people who just jump into marriage too quickly. I have friends who were in high school and had kids or were engaged. Now maybe in our parents or grandparents generations, that was the norm.

    Some people are very dependent. Some people I know can't do a whole lot for themselves. But some see marriage as an escape. This isn't all the cases, this is just one trend I am seeing.

    Some people think that by getting married or having kids, it makes them an adult. When really it's just something someone can do. Marriage should be about going the ups and the downs together. But some people really aren't prepared for the downs. Especially if someone gets married too young. They may never have lived on their own, so it makes it hard when you are trying to make a marriage work and are still learning to be dependent on oneself.

    Another thing, some people are getting married because all of their friends are. They may be in their late twenties, or mid twenties or 30's and are a part of the ever decreasing single group of friends. They have been dating someone a while, and figure why not get married. It seems like it's time. But they are not really ready for it. That can make it even harder.

    I took a relationship class in college, and one exercise was to make a life timeline. Many of the girls in my class put down when they thought they would have kids, move out on their own, get married, and some even put down when they would get divorced! How disgusting is that? I would never plan or want to get divorced. I want to be married for life. Now I know that it doesn't always happen that way, but at least when you are in that position you should try your best to keep it together. Separation for me is only an option if all others have been exhausted.

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What Girls Said 16

  • I think people expect marriage to be easy and it's not. I have friends that expect to have two or three marriages which makes no sense to me (why even bother getting married if you don't even expect it to work). That and while celebrities aren't everyone people to admire them and they get married, divorced, and remarried like it's not big deal. When I get married I plan to stay married, There's only been one divorce in my family (one of my cousins who most of us think is a little odd anyway) but otherwise everyone's stayed together. I don't think it's been easy but like I said, marriage isn't necessarily supposed to be easy. But I think a lot of people just give up when they hit their first big roadblock instead of working through it together.

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  • Honestly, I do not see people nowadays want to make a marriage, let alone a relationship work.

    It is amazing how even in a relationship, people want to give up rather than communicate with that person. I do not think it is based off of financial situations but it is how they treat each other.

    I am learning right now that I need to let my boyfriend hang out with his friends more, if I don't.. he thinks I am trying to control him. He wanted to give our relationship up without even communicating what the problem was.

    It is completely our generation. Today, we can go have sexual intercourse with numerous people and expect the other to be okay with that. (This is what I have seen). Or we want to give up over things that can be easily discussed about.

    Love is hard work, it is not made to be easy.

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  • i don't think that much has changed,

    just because less people got divorced back then doesn't mean that they were all having happy successful working marriages... its more that back then often they had no choice but to stick it out because

    A) women had less rights, less career options and uequal pay, so their main chance of a successful happy life was finding a good, providing husband and keeping him happy,

    b)Divorce was more difficult and had huge stigma attached to it, if you divorced you risked disgracing yourself and your family, so even people in disfunctional, violent or very unhappy marriages put up with it until they died (which is pretty depressing)

    C) people still had affairs and slept around, but it was just hushed up and people were expected to just suck it up and pretend it hadn't happened,

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  • i guess not. but me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 and 1/2 months now we try to explain our love but we can't so we are shocked all the time when we ask each other, and in the 3rd month he started talking bout marriage and I did talk with him about it he already decided he wants 2 kids. it first sounded crazy to me but in reality I do care a lot and love him very much . What I'm shocked about really is he's my first offical boyfriend and I always went for the hot sexy guys but he's not very attractive yet in return he cares,holds me right,love me for my flaws in all he know about my past and my family not liking him because he's black and I'm white. he knows what my family has said about him but he doesn't care ,i told him I woud give up my family for him and he said OK because he treats be with so much more respect and he doesn't call me stupid or talk down to me. he comforts me and listins to me when I have problems with my family.he's very very shy even to me, but he will warm up and the way he treasts me I give much more in return I take him in his flaws and all. I have a feeling this will last because when you get somebody people these days only want for looks but as my great grandmaw said before she died. look deeper than skin and looks in a person rather take there heart , compassion , and love and run with it.

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  • People are more in love with the IDEA of marriage, rather than the person they are marrying. With that mindset, they often say "well, I really want to GET married, but if things don't work out, I can always just get a divorce". & that's the problem. People automatically think of divorce even before they say "I do". They don't value marriage because they think if any little thing goes wrong, they can always just file for divorce instead of trying to work things out as best as they can (or better yet, discussing vital issues BEFORE they get hitched) & saving divorce as a last resort or for very severe, dangerous cases.

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    • & speaking of our generation, a lot of us are too lazy to solve our own problems. We're much quicker to "give up" when things don't go our way.

    • Ah...very true lol.

  • I think its a host things that would make one think that people can't hold it together these days.

    1) Keep in mind that back in these days, it was a big shame to separate from your spouse. I'm sure that stigma forced many people to stay with their partners.

    2) Divorce is considerately normal in our present society so with that option floating in the back of your mind, some people jump to it as soon as things get rocky.

    3)Maybe people were more mature and patient back then. I'll never forget speaking to an elderly man who told me that he married his wife after a month of dating her. He said he just knew that he had to have her in his life and they stayed until death in old age (the wife passed away). I mean if you try marrying someone now after dating them for a month, more often than not, you will not stay together for the rest of your lives.

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  • Nowadays, people jump into marriage without thinking about the future and what is going to happen. Those kinds have no idea what love is and the meaning of love. Obviously if they did, marriage percentage wouldn't be so high in this generation. However I'm not saying marriage is only about love because you have to be faithful, loyal, honest, everything 50/50, etc. That isn't shared equally with couples. Its the three simple yet most complicated words "I love you" exchanged that eventually ruin the future and our generation. Also, people are getting married at young age, they aren't allowing themselves to grow and mature to fully understand their surroundings and who is the right person for them. I wish hormones and gifts don't play a big role when it comes to marriage. Take a second and deeply think about your significance other. Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life with, or have you succumbed yourself to think that you're ready?

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  • I think a big part of it is that it wasn't socially acceptable for people to get divorced until fairly recently. So lots of people in older generations did not get divorced even if they were unhappy. Now there is not quite the stigma attached to divorce so people aren't as reluctant to do it.

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  • People tend to romanticize the past. Grandparents and g-grandparents had their issues, but divorces were socially unacceptable at the time. A man could beat his wife, spend the income in bars and molest the children but they had to pretend to be a happy family to the world. I think there were happily married people then, of course, and then there were miserable people living a lie. Now people don't have to live lies anymore. To me there is nothing to be gained to stay in a marriage that makes you miserable. I don't think you are more noble or honorable if you stay in a miserable marriage.

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  • its sad but its true people nowadays are not willing to make a marriage work.

    It makes me wonder if future generations will get to see the eldery cute couples walking every Sunday who have been married nearly all their life. :( Its roles clashing I guess, the whole femmist thing - I'm not against it or anything. But I ve seen women who are afraid to cook in their kitchens incase they get dirty. I don't know if I ever want to get married- I'm afraid it would ruin it... this is just my opinion.Although a lot of my friends reckon I will be engaged by the time I'm 22- just because I like to cook and clean a lot. go figure ^^ either I say yes - is another thing ;P

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  • So true , every time there's a problem in a marriage today people automatically think divorce. I'm scared to get married one day because of our generation.

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  • i think back then marriage was more important and the staple of life along with it being a must in society especially with sex and marriage. now people aren't waiting for marriage, women are able to work and be independent and not worry about a man taking care of them so marriage really isn't necessary. when you lose all respect for someone there's NO way I would work it out. id leave quick and get with someone else. once respect is gone one cannot get it back. I do think marriage is a 50/50 deal but personally marriage isn't something I want or desire. relationships are hard enough let alone getting married

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  • well I am 32. I think part of my generation an your generation don't understand what true love is. people are so superficial now. they wanna look like stars and so on. Its all bout looks and what they get from someone. it's actually sad because people are setting themselves up for failure. Marriage is a beautiful thing. people fall to realize it. This country's morals are so screwed up.

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  • Yes because, I think, we're so used to instant gratification, we don't want to bother with the bad times even if it means the good times will be great.

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  • you have to fight for what you want cause if you don't nothing will last relationships are hard word I know we had our first fight the other day man did I hate fighting but we got through it and we are like the couple from heaven

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  • I think it's because some people associate freedom with not being married whether in a relationship or single. I also think that everyone is free to make their own choices so its not an overall truth that people are not funding marriage necessary. Its just a certain age group that stands out link

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What Guys Said 12

  • I think that people are less willing to commit. I also think that it seems easier to divorce. I think that sex outside of marriage is becoming more accepted. I think people seem less "religious" on the whole. I also think that people are obsessed with the idea of the grass always being greener.

    On the good side, I think it's slightly easier for women to get away from abusive husbands. We have more awareness about it. There are more organizations out there, and I think the level of self respect is different on the acceptance of that sort of thing. Back then, the stereotype was that the woman was to be barefoot in the kitchen and keep the house nice, and the man "worked." If he knocked her around a bit, then I think it was more kept private.

    I think that in the 60's it was more accepted that men should have affairs, and the woman was to stick through it because of the "stigma" divorce had.

    I think that guys tend to lack necessary knowledge; we don't have the kinds of mentors that people had back then. Fathers tend to be absent, or not really stand up guys. I think to a degree it's the same for women. We don't learn how to be in relationships, how to date; we may learn "hooking up."

    It wasn't as necessary to have a spectacular college degree to get a job. People were more willing to take the time to train you, it seems. My friend has several bachelor's and a Master's and can't find a great job because careers are looking for PhD's who are MORE "desperate" for a job; they tend to hold out for the best education, etc... and they know that there will be someone else to fill that spot if that person doesn't work out 100% right away. And they can fire people for no reason, they can avoid paying benefits... because... really, who's going to quit in this economy? "You need us, we don't really need you." Add the depression for not finding a job, living beyond your means, and all the other stuff, and it adds more stress and less willingness as a whole to "work through it." Not with everyone, but with many.



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  • I won't lie, finance is important in order to live, but I fail to see where they tie into a relationship.

    Some people let their head fill up with stress, ego, narcissism,etc.

    I seen a relationship fall apart because this girl left a guy because her family brings over 100k a year while his family brings in 50k a year. She just straight up left him after a short weeks, even claimed how she couldn't bring her kids into this world letting them know of his parents.

    So its ego as well as too much pride with ignorance and immaturity as a ribbon to even bind it together, in the end, their personality is equivalent to a pile of dog crap. If its not an issue between their communication, trust, or anything else that a relationship/marriage is founded on, then it doesn't belong and shouldn't be there as a relationship/marriage issue.

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  • I think the problem is media. Everyone has a picture of what they think love is supposed to be but they're way off and give into their emotions then once they realize that those emotions are fading, they give up. Most people just have no idea what true love is

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  • alot of people don't belive that struggling with someone brings you closer..but stastistics show that people who go through a lot with each other the good and the bad have a longer life together that what love an marriage is all about.but being stable and meeting some is like a white knight coming on a horse to save you life isn't like that anymore times are hard and people are even harder on there self than they need to be instead of looking for your perfect soul mate..god gave us something important at birth its called imagination.use it to create your fanasty don't let the media tell you how your going to be happy.that my take on that

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  • The reason I don't think marriage works now a days is people's mentality. Divorce is so common that it has become a norm so when people get married they hold on to the notion that "if it doesn't work out there's always divorce." And you also see all these lavish weddings on television so a big reason people get married (my belief) is just to throw a huge party and top off everyone else's wedding -_-

    And let's not mention the lack of commitment from a lot of people, sex is so easy to come by that some people don't want to give up their sexual freedom. As for financial situations there are always gold-diggers on both sides of the spectrum (female and believe it or not male). People like to marry into money.

    When I get married I want it to last for all eternity and I don't want a big lavish wedding, I just want something humble with all the people we love there.

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  • Honestly...I agree with you.

    To me, it seems like people are more selfish than they used to be when it comes to relationships/marriage.

    People seem so quick to "take a break" when things are rough instead of sticking it through.

    Also, people seem to get married sooner also, or get married JUST BECAUSE SHE'S PREGNANT. Wtf?

    The one thing in relationships that makes my soul burn, is people who "go on a break". That's a cheap and cowardly cop-out, that imo only people that are not mentally / emotionally / psychologically strong enough to work in a relationship use to "have their cake and eat it too".

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    Strong words...but what can I say? I'm passionate. 8-)

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  • Well I look at it this way, relationships are a lot of work. You learn that quickly. Past generations had to work hard for everything, so working hard in a relationship came naturally. Their hard work allowed us to have it easier, so we don't have to work as hard. (and in some cases people have it so easy they are disillusioned to what real hardships are) So we look at relationships and marriage and expect it to be easy, but its not, and most people are not willing to devote the necessary time, communication, and energy into a relationship.

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  • I think people now a days will just rush into marriage without getting to know one another or taking it step by step. It's about wanting to be married and not being alone in today's world. People think they are in love but don't truly know what true love is about. If people know what true love was, you wouldn't see divorces in this generation. Divorce just seems like an easy way out then going through the problems of a marriage and trying to work around them.

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  • NOT ME! I think marriage is insanity, so why make more work of insanity in this world?

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  • in America it seemed that way

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  • why bother, its so damn overrated

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  • i think its the fact where a bunch of people hanging on the idea of love that we got out of comics and everything

    i blame the media (internet, TV even books written today)

    people now have a wide ammounth of comminucation methods available that didn't exist back then.. so we are widely connected allover the world.. unlike our parents etc.

    we think everything is perfect untill we get to the point and we see others more successfull then we are ourselves even when we compare the one that is more successfull in a sideimage of ourselves as not worthy of that success and that gives self depression, either ruining our own or the person successfull

    we also gained distrust in other people, just because there are so many ways to do things unnoticed and privatly, it kinda is pretty awkward to know that the stranger you just met will not hurt our feelings later in life.. hoping it never happens and checking on that person to defend that ego in the time of need.. it is strange, but even tough people are who they are.. there are so many diffrent things that this person could be "the one" in general.. and not the one who we dream of to be the perfect lover our childhood self learned about..

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