Should you live togehter before marriage if there are children involved?

I am in my early thirties and have a 7 year old daughter living at home. I reunited with a past flame and we are very committed to each other. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that we will eventually get married. He has been living with his mom in a one bedroom apartment while he gets his finances in order and because it is so uncomfortable for two people in a tiny one bedroom apartment, he stays with me frequently. At first, he would wake up very early and run outside to ring the doorbell to pretend that he just arrived to have breakfast with us (my daughter and I). But this got old very quicky- especially since she wakes up at 6:00 every morning. So now she knows that he has been spending the night and does not ask anything. This is the only man other than her father (I was married to him for 9 years) that she has seen me with. I have not explained anything to her and feel a horrible guilt as a mother and parent. My guilt mainly comes from my strict Catholic upbringing. Plus, I don't want her to think that this is the "NORM", shacking up before marriage. I need honest pros and cons please.


Most Helpful Girl

  • No. If you are so sure of him and your future then wait for him to get himself together. If this for whatever reason doe not work out it will not be good for your young and impressionable daughter. Your duty and responsibility to her should be first.

    Saving money is never a good reason to move in with a man.


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is 1000000% my own opinion. I think you'd be sending your daughter the wrong message.

    I'll play the devil's advocate here.

    What if she feels uncomfortable when it's just the the two of them?

    Do you know him well enough to risk your daughters safety?

    Does he have the same interests and beliefs in parenting as you do?

    Will he expect change at all?

  • It's more convenient, saves money, you can spend more time with each other.

    If you believe in hell/purgatory, that's where you are going... But I wouldn't worry about that. ^^


What Girls Said 1

  • If there are children involved, I think that would be ideal to live together. Nothing says you have to get married.