Not sure I want to save my marriage, what would you do?

I got married 18 years ago and it's been a struggle for me to say I love this man. On our wedding day, I had to ask him "how do I look" since I could tell is wasn't in awe. He said "you look fine". I should have known then. I weighed 120 lbs 5ft 6 and was very attractive. I still stay in shape and look & weigh the same now, kept my figure, take care of myself etc, try to be good mom & wife. When first married, I would dress up in se-y outfits and try to get his attention and he would tell me to go get dressed, he wanted to watch the football game on tv.

He has always made me the butt of his jokes to everyone. Puts me down in front of others, tells me that he would find it surprising if someone would ever look at me. He corrects everything I say, controls what I am aloud to spend money on, never follows through on promises he's made to me, let's me cook dinner when he promised to be home and never shows up or calls, only cares about himself during love making (which I do for him 4 or more times a week) Funny how he doesn't think I am attractive but wants to tap it all the time. He has always been condescending and talks to me like I am dirt.

This is just the tip of the iceberg but am I justified to be at the end of my rope? I try and try to do everything to please him but get nothing back emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Am I wrong to be done? I want to be loved and FEEL the love.

Should I end this marriage?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Have you guys tried marriage counseling? The picture you painted of this guy is very bleak, but he might have unresolved complaints about something you may have overlooked about yourself. I think it is a healthy thing that you are concerned, as some of his behavior is totally unacceptable.

    That being said, a professional counselor would be the very FIRST thing I would do if I were in your shoes. You have children, and usually getting a divorce with them around should be your absolute last resort until you've explored other options. I encourage you to take that step.

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    • He won't go. Blames everything on me. Both families tell him all the time how awful he treats me. He does it to them too. We do have 2 kids and that's the ONLY reason I have stayed.

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    • I know! It is tragic. He comes from an physically, emotionally and sexually abusive family and trust me, there are issues that he needs to address from his family life but he chooses not to go there and just the same as our marriage, sweeps all emotions under the rug and hopes they just go away.

    • He sounds like a very damaged man. People that come from abusive backgrounds are many times greater to become abusive themselves. The cycle continues generally if the issues aren't dealt with prior to a relationship or marriage. You can't undo what has already been done. He just needs to know you've tried all options and if he doesn't show any sign of improvement or at least effort, that there will be consequences.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think you know theanswer. The only question is why you put up with him so long, kids or no kids. You hae ev!ery right to be discontented, to say the least.

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  • so your saying he was basically an a**hole to you as long as you've known him and this made you want to dress sexy and have his babies?

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    • I know but I loved him and hoped he would love me. I was young and stupid. At this age, I wouldn't marry him now in a million years!

    • well it sounds to me like you have already made your decision.

  • Well a lot of the people I see have had marriage problems and I always recommend this book to them link It has really solved a lot of problems in the couple's lives and usually gets them back together and they always find things to love about themselves! Good luck!

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What Girls Said 4

  • Try a break first see if he cares or changes. As for your son, are you the primary care taker? If you are, yoiu have to put a stop to his behavior. He must respect his mother otherwise you have to be more of an authoratative figure to him than himnover you.

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  • Divorce that piece of sh*t. No woman should ever be treated like that. You deserve a man who will love you and cherish you.

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  • i am so sorry you're going through this :( although I'm not married and not the best advice giver on this, may I suggest may be you try marriage counseling before making a big decision? like may be you guys need to talk, have you voiced your concerns with him and asked him if he's happy in this marriage? may be you two need more communication and need to figure out what's wrong...i feel like there's inner feelings kept hidden, and misunderstandings and such...

    and its definitely not cool your taking care of him during love making and he's not...that is horrible on his part! you should stop being his sex slave and put your foot down and voice your concerns.

    u should talk to him. tell him if he's not happy then does he want to split? but before you both make decisions out of anger definitely try a counselor and don't rush anything.

    wish you all the best!

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  • You are not wrong. Not at all. This man is emotionally abusive. I have been there and it's time for you to be kind to yourself.

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    • It's hell! Thank goodness I am self confident and take pride in myself of he would have totally ruined me forever! They have such a way of twisting situations or fights or problems right back on you 100% of the time. I will take my share of the blame when it's my fault, say I'm sorry, etc. I don't think he has ever said "sorry" to me for anything. He just can't say it. It's just hell!

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    • I hear you! What upsets me is that I have to be the one to leave when he is the aggressor. He has told me that he won't give me a cent or help us at all if I leave. I make as much as he does but I would have both kids! He's the a- - hole he should have to leave. Its just another way for him to control me

    • He has told me that he won't give me a cent or help us at all if I leave

      and if you are welling to put up with this, he will be even more harsh on you and your children. he has no respect for you.

      stop making excuses about him. how he is controlling and how he is doing this and that. it is time for you to take control of your life... the way I see it, he is worse than a dead man.

      get up and leave! start from zero is better than take the abuse.

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