He "doesn't believe in marriage"...or just not with ME?

Myex boyfriend and I had been together for a little more than 2years. A year into our relationship, he transferred universities and moved 5 hours away. We knew we wanted to continue the relationship. And things were great.

When I graduated from school about 6 months ago, I started discussing marriage. He went to school late, so he has two semesters left. He says he's not ready to discuss marriage yet - and can't think that far ahead because he needs to focus on school. And he's not able to provide for me now, so until that time comes - then he's not ready. IN the meantime, he wanted to stay together because he loves me and can see himself with me - just not sure what the future will hold.

It became a recurring topic of conversation until we finally agreed on a mutual breakup - so we could determine if "us" is what we really wanted. I didn't want to stay in something if he couldn't tell me that he at least considered the possibility of getting married...to me or to anyone at all.

We've gone the last 3 months without talking and all of a sudden, we started talking again. We hung out once and he says he wants to give it a try again.

Did he have a change of heart - should I wait? Or is he not ready to think about marriage, because he just doesn't see himself marrying ME?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • At this point, marriage is the last thing on his mind. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, and doesn't want to be with you. It just means he is not ready to include marriage in his plans. Don't take it personally. He has a lot on his mind right now. College, Grades, Homework, Exams, what will he do after he graduates, etc. If he is not ready to talk about marriage, then he's not ready.

    If you keep bugging him about it, and bringing it up, it will push him away.

    You are sure of two things right now: He loves you, and he wants to be with you. Isnt't that enough for now?

    If you love him too, and want this to work, then DO NOT bring up the M word ever again.

    This guy isn't afraid of commitment because you two have been dating for about 2 years, and now he is back and saying he wants to start over. So--- that tells you a lot about where you stand in his life. Doesn't it?

    So my advice would be to wait. Wait until he mentions the M word. Even if he doesn't mention it, just pay attention to little signs. He might start with, "If we ever have a daughter/son ---". I don't know, but that just seems like the safest, most popular way of letting someone know, "hey I'm in it for the long haul --"

    This time around, quit thinking so much about marriage, and try to support him with his college stuff. Everything will happen when it is supposed to happen.

    Be patient :)

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    • What you just said to her about him makes me feel better about the situation that I'm currently in! WOW thanks..we are really young and I wanna marry him SOOO bad and he wanted to marry me but now it's like he doesn't know if he does really anymore,!! I feel like I wanna kno WHY, what changed his mind! if he wants to be with me

    • I really agree with what you said. I don't understand why you would keep bringing it up if the other person doesn't seem to want to talk about it. Just because they don't bring it up doesn't mean they don't love you or want to, but if they say they don't want to think about marriage the first time, then just drop it. Yes it'll be driving you crazy but don't keep bugging them or else you'll drive the person you love away.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You get a bunch of great things with marriage--success, status, security.

    He gets a bunch of undesireable things--loss of freedom, loss of financial freedom, increased stress.

    Realize that before you get married, he'll be with you because he chooses. After, it will be by law. Marriage by no means guarantees faithfulness or happiness either. He may very well love you. It's just that he only gets bad things with marriage.

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  • He hasn't had a change of heart, he probably just wants the stability and benefits of being with someone without any commitment on his part. If you want to get with him make sure you know that he is considering marriage before you get together, because if you don't, you have nothing to negotiate with.

    like the saying: why buy the cow when the milks free.

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  • What does he mean by "give it a try?"

    If you feel like you need to be married, and he's not willing to marry you, it's not going to work. So the question is, "is he willing to consider marriage?"

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  • i think he likes you but he want sometime.

    u should wait for him.

    if he didn't liked you then he would simply tell you that he doesn't wanna marry u.

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