Maybe he likes being married for selfish reasons that have nothing to do with you. It could be he likes the fact that he has a wife, he doesn't want to live alone, he's too lazy to move out - there are dozens of reasons that he might want to stay married, but none of them have anything to do with loving you.
I think you should leave. I know that's drastic, but after being with someone for 20 years - you would think that he would have a little more compassion towards you by being affectionate because it's something that you need in your relationship. I'm aware that men express themselves differently, and the key to a happy marriage is compromise and acceptance. But if he shows no interest in you (strike one) and cheated on you (strike two, three, four, five) what's the point in staying married?
I know we all just want to be loved - but a pseudo marriage can't even come close to love. It's just going to tear you down. Leave him so you can have an opportunity to find some happiness in your life - even if it's just from yourself. I know more than anyone it's easier said than done - I've overstayed in an abusive relationship myself. I just hope you have to courage to take the first step in saving yourself.
I just broke up with a guy that I was with for 3 years who would stare at the television while I was talking to him, he wouldnt/didnt lay a hand on me, and showed no interest in me as a person. Let me guess, he says if I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be here...I used to hear that all the time when I would tell him I didn't understand why we were still together. You need to ask yourself if its worth putting the effort into anymore? I don't know how youve been doing it, because I got to the point that I couldn't take the "I was just there" feeling anymore. Only you can answer the question as to whether or not its worth it and can YOU live without it? I felt as if I wouldn't be missing anything if he wasnt with me, but I could possibly gain something more from someone else.Eveybody needs to feel loved and needed, otherwise what's the point? If you are feeling like you are just "good for the moment" tell him he either needs to step up or step off! Best of luck to you, I hope it works out the way you want it to.
try to understand him more try to guess what's going through his mind also put yourself in his shoes.if you understand him then you ll know how to solve ur problem.maybe try to make ur marriage a little more exciting dnt let the routine kick u.try to be his lover for a while not his wife try to be his friend.do something new together maybe travel , a day at the spa , a day at the beach.close ur phone and just be w him make him feel how much you love him and how strong ur bond is.trust me ur husband loves that's y he has been trying to work this out by counselling.maybe he isn't smart enough to know what's wrong and save ur marriage but you are the woman and woman are better at relationship stuff than men.so rememer ur husband loves you he is worth you saving ur marriage.and you have to get over being cheated on or else you ll never give him ur love 100%.stop talking about ur problems just go ve some fun.
He won't say he wants out of the marriage because it sounds like he's having his cake and eating it too. If you don't feel like you're getting the emotional love and support from this marriage that you deserve, then it's up to you to decided whether to get out or not. It doesn't sound like he's unhappy with the situation but you are. It's up to you sister.