How would you feel about your girlfriend not wanting to change her last name when you get married ?

How would you feel about your girlfriend not wanting to change her last name when you get married ?

I was discussing this with my boyfriend the other day and I don't know if I want to change my last name or not to be honest I would just forget to use his name and it's weird to me, writing someone else's name other than the name I've used my entire life.

I just like my independence and I don't want to change anything about myself because I'm married, including my name.

It's not like he has to change anything.

He said he would like if I did but that he knows I probably wouldn't.

I'm not set in my ways about this, I'd just like some different views on the subject.

So guys how would you feel if a girl wanted to keep her name ?

And girls would you want to keep yours or change it and why ?

Updates:
if you're going to marry someone you need mutual respect and if a girls last name is important to her, that should be respected.

The same as if me changing my last name would be important to him then I would actually consider it .

If you guys think it's a deal breaker because something doesn't go your way then I doubt you will even make it as far as ever marrying a girl because in a relationship a womans opinion matters just as much as yours

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Most Helpful Girl

  • jesus. can't believe this is a deal-breaker.

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    • i don't think it is to real men, only men who are intimidated by a woman with her own mind and reasons

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    • Yeah Justincider!

What Guys Said 14

  • I don't see the point of changing your last name. If she doesn't want to, that's fine with me. It doesn't affect me any.

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    • : )

      hey where are you're thumbs down

    • they'll come, don't worry. soon as guys read my answer.

      honestly I don't believe that in a marriage one person has authority over the other and that one person should have to change anything about themselves--including their names--for the other.

    • lol

      and I agree, I think a lot of people think marriage is becoming the other person and that's why a lot don't work out.

      you have to be confident and independant, have your own life and thoughts outside of someone else whether you are married to them or not.

      If a guy can't at least listen to your side about keeping your name I would hate to see what the marriage would be like and vice versa

  • If you don't want my name don't take the ring. I feel like that's what it means to be in a marriage. A union of to people becoming one couple for good. Hyponating it won't happen in my world either so it is kind of all or nothing at that point. I guess it depends on what kind of man you have and it also gives you an idea who is dominate in the relationship. But I am a traditional guy so I think that's how it should be.

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    • You sir are a wordsmith.

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    • i see, well the way you feel about your name what if a girl felt that way about her name and therefore wanted to keep it ? why shouldn't we get the same respect ?

    • I understand how everyone feels and for me it's just how I feel. If she had feelings that strongly we would talk and decide.

  • You can have your husbands name, or your fathers.

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    • you do realize that your last name is also your fathers as well ?

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    • My wife changed hers. Its nice that our kids and her have same name. My sister didn't change hers except tries to half use it sometimes and it really ends up just being a mess. She'd published papers under her name, which is why she was reluctant to change.

      My (slightly tongue in cheek) point originally was - neither is exactly a blow against the patriarchy.

    • i just always thought it was funny that a mans last name is considered "his" but a womans is her fathers and that it's just as weird to take my boyfriends fathers name as it would be to keep my fathers name but I'm weird I guess lol.

      I do see your point though, thanks

  • i think she's not wife material

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    • so sad

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    • i think that's great actually, I just think it's unfair to assume a girl isn't 100% into a relationship because she likes her last name as much as you like yours

    • its not about liking your last name, its about a women wanting to be you're wife or not

  • I would be hurt..I just feel the woman should take the mans last name..its been that way for many years

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  • I would think she doesn't care about me so it would be a deal-breaker.

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    • she wants to marry you but she doesn't care about you because she likes her last name ? seriously lol

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    • Its not funny I'm being serious.

    • no it's still funny

  • So dissapointed I would take the ring back ... yoink =0

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  • i'd be disappointed. plain and simple. I don't know how much it would really bother me but I do know I'd be happier if she took it.

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  • I would feel like she isn't taking the "two becoming one" into account. It would pull at my heart-strings in a bad way.

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  • If she had a professional reason, of course. But if it is just to keep her name, deal breaker. She's either not fully comitted to the idea of marriage, or she's not completely comitted to me.

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    • wow you guys take last names serious on here

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    • i just think family are people I talk to because I'm related to them not because I really want to and I actually want to talk to my boyfriend so combining those 2 is weird to me lol.

      i understand though, thanks for answering

    • you are correct sir

  • I feel it's sort of a deal breaker if I were to get married.

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  • i wouldn't want her to change her name if she didn't want to.. but it would be important to me if she adopted my name.. and have like 2 last names. just because I want to start a family some day and I want all of us to be under one name. if she has a professional career, she can be called watever she wants, but if were apart of a family, id want her to have the same name. that's the whole point of last names anyway, to say you belong to this or that family.

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  • Split it down the middle and keep it but hyphenate it. My mom is Carol Johnson- -------. Johnson was her original last name

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    • You have a problem. You need to just hyphenate it, like my mom did

    • if I liked my name enough to keep it, I would just keep it not hyphenate it.

      it's the same thing either way to be honest

    • Or you could just hyphenate it

  • It would be a bit of a let down. It's traditional and seems like a unifying thing. Might as well just live together as if you were married and not actual go through the wedding, and you don't have to worry about getting a divorce. That sounds better anyways.

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    • lol why just because I want to keep a name ? seems like an over reaction

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    • If that's the way you want to do it and your future husband is fine with it, that's cool. I'm just saying that I would want it the traditional way on the off chance I do get married.

      @justincider: That would be ideal to have the newly formed nuclear family to share the same name. More and more women aren't cool with that, though. However, if I do have children, they are definitely taking my last name. That would be a deal breaker.

    • i see, I guess I just didn't understand that it's a big deal to some guys, thanks

What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think I'd want to change my last name, to be honesst. If it was something he really wanted I'd consider it. Maybe hyPhenate it or make my name my middle name. I don't know. I don't really care for marriage.

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    • i see girls do that where I'm from, they all change their last name to their middle name

      i always thought if you like your last name so much that you want to make it your middle name, why not just keep your last name in the first place ?

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    • If your last name sounds cool I can definitely understand wanting to keep it and I'd respect that =P

    • My surname is awesome : P

  • I would like to keep my name not going to change it because I don't think its necessary plus I'm happy with my last name and if my partner really love me he will understand :-).

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    • exactly, why would a man think a woman isn't seriou about marriage simply because she likes her last name, talk about reading into non sense

      also I didn't give you those thumbs down : )

    • men and women should be equal...:)...i think its ady good enough that our child follow men name lol

      thumb down are from mennnn lol

  • im not changing my last name. personally I don't care what a guy thinks. it up to ME.. not him. he can take it or leave it but I love my last name and I'm keeping it for life

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    • have you ever told this to a guy in person ?

      Reading these guys answers makes me glad my boyfriend is open minded

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    • if we had kids I would hyphenate their last names but not my own

    • allow isn't the best word to use. I prefer choice as the word. if he chooses to keep his and I choose to keep mine than there is nothing wrong with it

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