Ok so I kinda thought that he was, but he never told me even when I asked. Now that he has because my reaction was more of me pissed off cause he lied, as well as being upset because we have been having issues with sex for years. Me thinking it was something wrong with me was just his inexpeance and insecurity so ya it pissed me off. OK so he say I have failed to make him feel secure about this as it is a very large, private thing for him. He says he will no longer have sex with me unless I can make him feel better about it. I am unsure on what to do. Advise?
Most Helpful Guy
Sounds like a communication issue. I think he has to acknowledge that concealing it is unacceptable and deceitful, and that you have a right to be hurt. Though your anger and frustration is understandable, it sounds like the both of you have become entrenched, so the only way forward is a conciliatory and open tone. Explain that you feel the best way forward is to calmly and rationally, with maturity, have a discussion about this. Explain to him, that the source of your frustration is not that he is a virgin, but that he was dishonest with you. You can understand why he might keep it from you, but that doesn't make it right. Explain the aspects that have hurt you over the years. Encourage him to be open and honest with you, about what exactly the nature of the insecurities were, can he understand why you are upset, and what other things have upset him along the way. I'm sure your attitude and behavior has not helped in a lot respects too, so don't disregard what he says. There's probably a lot of misunderstandings on both sides. See if you can try and understand his perspective. I disagree with bassman by the way. Compassion and understanding is all well and good, but the other party at least has to acknowledge fault and atone.1