I don't want my husband & I to become distant in any way

I have been married for a little over 4 years. We have always gotten along great physically and emotionally, it just seems like recently he has become a little distant. I can't remember the last time he kissed me. We rarely have sex even when it feels like I'm throwing myself at him. I work about 12 hours a day and works like 9 hrs of hard labor. I always massage every part of him that hurts. I gained A LOT of weight when I was pregnant and couldn't get rid of it for 3 1/2 years. I have lost like 35 pounds and my self esteem was getting better, but now I feel like I'm not even attractive enough for him to notice me. I don't understand...it happened so suddenly...

Updates:
We actually have always had great communication, that's why I was worried. We have always been the couple that people complimented on how sweet & loving we were to each other. This has just been the past week. I spoke to him last night about it & he let me know it was just that he has been so tired & sore lately. I don't get home til after 7 & by the time we would be able to do anything, its late. We agreed we need to set aside some more time for just us & be an encouragement to each other.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Relationships have these problems from time to time. Some years will be better than others. Try talking to your husband, about how you feel, and see if you can work through your problems. Communication is very important right now.

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What Guys Said 5

  • You didn't say anthing about how GREAT the both of you COMMUNICATE. I'm guessing communication is very weak. You both need to go find a good marriage counselor. Your marriage sounds like its in deep trouble. Tell him you would like "us" to go talk with a marriage counselor. If he doesn't agree to it...its okay...you can still go by yourself. Hopefully after a month or 2 of you going...he will come around. Don't wait..call a counselor NOW! I can give YOU lots of marriage advice...but it takes two to make a marriage work and last.

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  • The weight gain is a turn-off for most guys. Yeah we know you were pregnant but that doesn't change the standards of appearances.

    If its possible you're trying to smother him too much, dont. You wouldn't like it if he doted on you all the time and was at the ready to do anything for you at a moments notice, so maybe don't do it to him. It's possible he's just accepted that as the new standard instead of a massage being special.

    Treat him nice, and be loving, but maybe back off a little and give him some more space. Quality not quantity sort of thing.

    Hope it works out for you.

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    • You obviously didn't read the entire message. I lost the weight, so that wasn't even the problem. If had a problem with me weighing 110 ibs, I would probably be pretty mad.

    • You said you lost 35 lbs, not that you were 110, for all I knew you could have weights 235 and dropped down to 200

    • No, I used to weigh like 100-105 and when I had a baby I was like 150 and couldn't lose it. Lost and gained here and there but now am down to 110 and look great. Sorry that I didn't specify.

  • I'm sorry but him not telling you he was a virgin when you asked...rarely having sex...you gaining lots of weignt...you thinking you're not attracted to him...you not understanding..and him withholding sex from you are all signs of poor communication. Honey...you might think this is a recent thing...but from your story...the poor communication has been going on for some time now. Recently is when the effects of poor communication started showing up in a big way.

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    • I think that you need to read the post before you reply. I never said anything about him being a virgin. My version of us not having sex much is not having sex for like 5 or 6 days. I know I am attracted to him (I never said I wasn't). And babe, when you have a baby, you gain weight. I know its hard to understand, but it happens. And I lost it, I weigh 110 lbs so that is not the issue, which I also stated in the post. Don't post answers if you aren't even reading the post right.

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    • It isn't hard to understand taking that long to lose weight when you used to weigh 100 lbs and no matter what you do can't lose the weight after the baby. The birth control didn't cause me to gain weight, but it did cause me to not be able to lose it. I didn't stay huge the whole time, I lost some, but I was still overweight by my standards. Not all women can have a baby and be the exact same size they were before, although it would be nice.

    • Ha ha..I gotcha...Well good luck in the future...and work hard at your marriage. Make sure you both have your priorities in line. Marriage...Kids...Career.

  • Hey Be of good cheer I encourage you to try lighting that spark up :)

    Pray together,spend time,go on a walk,take in a movie,touch each other,cudle up.Tell him how you feel.Your his wife.Love him regaurdless :)

    compliment him the list goes on and on.But Mainly I encourage to put God FIRST in your relationship then things will show light and true in a marrige.

    trust me.Matthew 6:33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

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  • Communicate more

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