How can I come clean to my husband?

i had my tubes tied 2 years ago at 21. I don't have children and during that time my husband and I were engaged to be married. I knew my husband has always wanted kids but I Haven't told him I had my tubes tied. we have been trying to have a baby for 6 months now and he thinks its his fault why I'm not getting pregnant but he has no clue its because I can't have them. how can I come clean?


0|0
5|8

Most Helpful Guy

  • This appears to be a troll, but on the off-chance it is real I will comment. You said you had your tubes tied while you were engaged. I find it hard to believe any person would take such drastic action on their reproductive organs knowing that there intended spouse wants kids. Totally stupid to make such a decision without talking about it.

    Now you say "we have been trying to have a baby for 6 months now" That is a lie because you are NOT trying. You don't want one and can't (except for the tiniest fraction of a chance of incomplete tieing) have one.

    Time to just come out and admit it. The next step in the process of "trying" is fertility testing. How do you react as the doctor says "you can't have kids because you had your tubes tied" in front of your husband. This marriage was built on a BIG deception and it will come out. Good chance the marriage is over.

    0|0
    0|0
    • did you read my comment below to 7gnat. I had my tubes tied a few weeks before he asked me. I was still healing during the procedure when he asked me to marry him. as I stated below to a female answerer I said the reason why I had it done was because no relationship is guranteeded for life. I didn't want to end up a single mother one day. when I also said trying he thinks we have been having sex during ovulation to get pregnant. he doesn't know the truth. if you also think I'm trolling fine! I'm not

    • Show All
    • He is not going to react well. Like I said, the marriage has been built on deceit. He married you as a first step toward a family. You had made it a final step. No easy way on this, just tell him. Dragging out the time may make it much worse.

    • You think the single mother thing is a solid excuse to lie to your husband?

What Guys Said 7

  • You need the tell him now. I wouldn't think he'd leave you over having your tubes tied but the 6 months of lying will put major strain on the relationship. Eventually he's going to get his sperm tested and then he'll start getting suspicious anyway, so the best thing is to bite the bullet and fess up.

    1|1
    0|1
  • How is it possible that your at the time fiance did not know what surgery you had and why? That's problem number 1. I would suggest telling him the full truth, but since this has been an ongoing lie/cover up for over two years, I fear it would destroy your relationship. Your best bet is to tell him that your doctor said you were sterile. Considering he didn't know anything 2 years ago, I doubt he'd look too much into it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can straight out tell him, that's all there is to it. Expect heavy repercussions though, if that happened to me I'd start thinking about divorce.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Tell him you went to the doctor, and that you're sterile. Totally sterile. Ask him if adoption is okay.

    0|0
    0|0
  • So... Ummmm... You're pretty selfish... =| Why are you putting him through that? You didn't think that was something you might of wanted to mention before getting married 2 years ago? =S

    2|0
    0|0
  • You can have your surgery reversed or use in vitro

    0|0
    0|0
  • This has to be a troll

    0|0
    0|0
    • if you want to think I'm a troll than fine go on! I know I am not.. during this time my husband and I were dating.. a few weeks after I had it done he asked me to marry him. I didn't know how to tell him and I still dont. I don't want to break his heart.. I'm terrified that he will divorce me that's why I don't want to tell him. its hard to face the unknown

    • Show All
    • link

      article says men over 40 do have fertility issues along with fetal issues

    • stfu and go away

What Girls Said 5

  • That is a selfish thing to do. If you were single then that's different but he deserved to know what you were going to do. To me that's a deal breaker and I wouldn't blame him for leaving you. You need to tell him the truth right away. Not only did you do something that was deceiving but now your making him feel guilty about something possibly being wrong with him. He wants kids and you can't take that away from him. Just be honest and give him a chance to be with someone that wants kids unless your willing to get them untied and do whatever it takes to have them.

    0|1
    0|0
  • WOW! I feel sorry for him. You really should have told him before you were married.Why did you get your tubes tied? Was there a medical reason? If so maybe you could tell him and start by saying you were afraid to tell him. No matter how you break it to him it is going to be heart wrenching for him, better tell him... The sooner the better.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah I would like to know also, why someone so young would have her tubes tied?.

    • mainly because no relationship regardless of marriage or dating is guranteed to last. its unknown. I didn't want to bring a child up with the possibility of being a single parent in the future. kids aren't something that I have to had so I don't regret it. I just want to tel him since I've kept it for so long. its starting to eat at me

    • Thats kinda a deal breaker tho hun. Some people do HAVE to have kids, even if you aren't one of them. He may be. I know my husband has always wanted kids. He wouldn't have married me if I had my tubes tied. If it was something out of my control probably but just knowing I didn't want to be a mom he would totally be turned off by.

  • The sooner you tell him, the better. This is definitely something he deserved to know before he married you. Be prepared though. There is a chance that your deception could ruin your marriage. Be honest and maybe he can get past it. If not, you only have yourself to blame. Best of luck to you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • sit him down and tell him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I suggest you sit him down and tell him. As far as how he will react, who knows.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...